Sister-in-law troubles. I've had enough.

Kristen - posted on 06/11/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )




My husband and I have been married almost 12 years. I have tried to have a relationship with his sister. I think she has hated me from the beginning. Mainly, because she and her husband had announced that they were trying to get pregnant and I was actually almost 2 months pregnant and didn't know it. It took them a few years to conceive and I feel she could never get over not having the first grandchild.

About 10 years ago we went to speak with an advisor at a local college. She never enrolled and I did. I have a career working weekends and I'm able to be at home with the kids during the week days.

Her daughter is 7 now and our children are 11 and 3. Our children spend more time and go more places with the grandparents. Reason being she won't allow her daughter to unless she has no other choice.

I recently had to acquire a certification rather quickly for work. The only stipulation was I had to be there the next day. So I called her up around 3pm the day before and asked if she could babysit for about an hour so I could attend. She said she couldn't that she had already "made plans". I didn't ask any questions. The next day I found out her "plans" were to go to the bank and make a deposit. I was really upset and hurt. If she needed me to do the same for her I would. I tried to talk to her about it after I found out and she just responded saying "what do you want me to say?", "I thought about it afterwards but, it was too late". I just let it go.

Three weeks ago, she and her husband call my 11 y/o daughter on her cell and ask her if she would like to go to the beach with them for 5 days. daughter is 11. You would think they would've asked my husband or me first. If not only for respect and nor making us look like the bad guys if we said no. So, I agreed to allow her to go 300 miles to the beach. However, my husband and I decided to get a condo and go 2 days after they left. So, we got there around 8 pm, went out to eat with them, and walked on the beach for about 30 minutes and called it a night. I had mentioned to her, "hey let's get the kids together on the beach and hang out either tomorrow or the next day." she said ok. Never heard from them until late in the evening they invited us to go look for crabs. We went to meet them where they said which was silly I thought since we were staying on the beach and they weren't. It would have made more since to me if they could've came to the condo. But we just went.

The next day, which was our last, my 3 year old son woke up saying he wanted them to go swimming with him. I dialed, he talked, and then I invited them over and she said her and her daughter were swimming at the time but had to wash their afterwards and she would talk to her husband. Never heard from them. I called her cell around 2:30 and her husband answers. I asked if they were wanting to try and get together and he said that he just does what he's told and that this is his week off and he just wants to relax. I politely said I understand, you guys have a great time!

I text her a little later to ask if she would us take her daughter out to eat and they could have a night out. She said no... She's staying with us.

Well, here's where I lose it...
I thought about it for a while. Then I realized, I will let her take my child 300 miles away from me and I am not allowed to takes yours out to eat. WTH? So, I tried to call her and try to discuss it. She wouldn't answer. I left her a VM explaining that and added that I thought there was something wrong with this situation and she could kmfa. Yes, I said it. I also sent a text notifying her that she would nolonger be allowed to take my children anywhere again. She replies..."whatever you think...just because we aren't going to drop what we're doing to do what you want us to".

OMG!! I was absolutely livid! I couldn't believe it. All I had been trying to do was get together for a little while as a family. Somewhere, anywhere! So, I went off and let out 12 years of steam. I text her and told her," I just thought you might want to act like a family instead of the stuck up B@&$@ that you are. Fu, stay away from me and my children since you are too good to do anything with us unless it's on your terms. I'm done. I've tried. And that is a hell of alot more than your bi&&& a&& can say. Go f yourself."
Yes, I know...but honestly, that's exactly how I felt. About 5 minutes later she forwards the message to my husband. I then pick up his cell and call her. She answers first ring. I told her he knew exactly what I'd text her and called her a choice word and hung up.

Well, she went home and cried to her mom. Her mom called my husband at 10 am 2days later. I didn't find out until 2 days later. Not because he told me, but because I looked at the phone bill online and seen that there was a 50 min incomming call from her.

So, my husband doesn't think she has ever did anything to us that gives me a reason to have told her off. He's furious with me. Threatening divorce. Says that I am making him choose between me and his family. That he doesn't understand all if this and doesn't know what's wrong with me.

Maybe a should have been a little more polite and less profane. But I'm not willing to just say I'm sorry and act like nothing ever happened. She is always full of excuses why she can't get together or avoiding my calls and not returning them. I'm tired of being rejected by her and pretending in front if everyone everything is just peachy. I would love to hear from anyone with honest opinions and advice. Help!

Now that you have a little background, here's the latest


~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/11/2012




Also, I think it is silly they don't come and talk to you, but obviously they are uncomfortable with that. I don't blame them. You all should pat yourself on the back for lack of maturity. Don't pin your husband against his own brother.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/11/2012




Most importantly, stop putting the kids in the middle of this. That is not right.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/11/2012




You may not like what I have to say, but here it is.

I understand what it feels like to be the outcast of the family. I have felt that way, but no longer do for many reasons.

I think you were unnecessarily harsh and rude. If this is the way you act in the heat of the moment, really, walk away until you cool down,

The most important thing that I am going to say is, you are putting ALL of the kids in the middle of this. They are the ones that are going to get hurt because you and your sister in law cannot get along. That sucks, and is totally innapropriate. Don't put the kids in the middle of your battles, in the line of fire really.

If you allowed your daughter to go, you and your husband showing up kinda cramped their style. I think it is so nice that they wanted to include your daughter. I definitely think they should have called and talked to you both, but still. But from where I am standing, you totally crashed their family vacation and do not blame them for wanting to spend time as a family unit without more visitors.

Some parents jsut don't like to be apart from their kids. You are saying she never lets you have her kids, well how do you think it made her feel for you to show up on their vacation? That would make me feel like you don't trust me with your kids either.

There was a much more adult way to handle this than just telling her off. You sit down and talk about your concerns thoughtfully and without blame or attack. You don't have to like eachother to be family. It is also really unfair for you to automatically assume she is jealous.

I do think you owe her an graphology with an explanation of how you feel. She may not want to hear it, so give her some space. But do apologize. Jeopardizing you marriage is not worth the ego.

This conversation has been closed to further comments


View replies by

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms