So.... how to POLITELY say

Katherine - posted on 07/18/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )




Hi everyone.. a bit of advice or just opinions, please.

. Recently I invited another couple (my best friend and her hubby) plus a recently divorced mom ("Jane" who is a newer friend, not a good friend but someone I knew in highschool and recently reconnected with at a reunion!) who has two teenage kids, to come over for a Bar B Q. I set up two tables, one for the adults (5 of us) with sort of fancy napkins, wine glasses, etc. and the other for the 6 kids (we all have two kids, ranging in age from 10 - 18). The divorced mom's kids are 15 and 18, the 18 year old just finished his freshman year of college. But he is a great kid, knows mine (but not the other couples kids.) Anyhow i the middle of draining the corn, getting everything out, "Jane" starts asking, several times, if her son can sit at the adult table. I initially said "no, he has a place at the kids table" as I really don't like to impose ANYONES kids, even my own 14 year old twins, on ANY adult table - I feel it ruins the dynamic and also makes the adult conversation nearly "impossible" as you have to,,,,, tone it down? Be careful of what you say?

Maybe this is just my issue but I really don't believe that unless you all have little kids and it's a fluid situation like outside with people eating off their laps, etc. (we were inside at two tables during a rain storm!) that anyone should ask that their kid be seated with the adults.... in the past when other friends have come with teenagers who refused to go into the other room and hang with the other kids, I felt it really upset the dynamic of the dinner party for the adults, especially when the teen sulked at the end of the table, got attention from the parents saying "what's the matter." "why don't you go and..." which I just feel is RIDICULOUS!!! My kids know better and find ways to entertain their dinner mates/friends/younger kids, etc. and do not join the adult table.

Thoughts anyone? Was I within my rights to say "no" - nicely -- (I eventually gave in and said "ok just grab his stuff and move it over" but she then changed her mind) as in the end, I feel it kind of pissed her off and she was off the rest of the night. My BF thought it was gauche that she even ASKED but I would like some opinions, please. Thanks. Kathy


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Amy - posted on 07/18/2013




When I was 18 I probably wouldn't if even attended the function but would not have wanted to be at the "kid" table. I also don't know why you would have to time down a conversation with an 18 year old who had already finished their first year of college, which means they are probably almost 19.

Jodi - posted on 07/18/2013




Her kid is actually an adult......Personally I would have had an 18 year old sitting at the table with the adults. I'm not sure why you'd have to tone the conversation down.

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