Social Skills and Social Exclusion

Shannon - posted on 04/29/2018 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My 10 year old goes to a small private school and has grown up with most of her classmates since kindergarten. She was particularly close with some girls more than others however she never seemed to be the girl to get invited over for a play date or sleepover. Recently she cane to me distraught and crying because all her friends hang out together outside of school and have sleepovers but she’s never invited and that she feels horrible because she is always the one asking others to do things. She also said that often when outside of school she will message a friend and they say they will call her back but never do. I do know that my daughter being the youngest in her class may be a little behind the other girls with some things and I do know that my daughters social skills and manners need help. I am constantly talking to her about self-care, manners and other things and I also lead by example. She doesn’t seem to care and is very secure with what she does and portrays plenty of def-confidence (at home). How can I help her. I don’t know what to say and I certainly want to help her understand this issue but don’t want her to ever feel like she should change who she is to be accepted. I am lost right now and she came to me crying and I just comforted her and we talked but when she asked me what to do I had to tell her i didn’t know but we would talk again in a couple days...patenting fail!

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Beth - posted on 05/03/2018

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Shannon: Your post made me sad. Kids need friends to help them gain self-confidence and learn to interact outside the home. My oldest (10 year old boy) is pretty shy and retiring. We live a long way out in the country, so having friends over or going to friends houses is pretty infrequent. I don't think he is as bothered by this as your daughter -- I personally believe girls are just more social creatures than boys. The things my husband and I have done that helped: we looked carefully at things he likes to do or wanted to learn to do. For us, sports and computers were interests (sports not strong,but we worked on him ...). I took him to batting cages, and my husband volunteered to coach a kids baseball team. I got him tennis lessons and he joined a team. Frankly, I'm better qualified to teach him about computers, but I got him into a class with other kids for the social interaction. He shares programs and app ideas with his classmates over the internet now. I don't ever expect his classmates to vote him "Most Popular", but he's engaged with others and learning better how to deal with them. It's still a work in progress ... but there has been some progress.

What things is your daughter interested in doing? Are there any she could do with other, like minded girls?

Just a thought
Beth

Shannon - posted on 05/01/2018

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She is involved in outside activities but has not seemed to form any solid friendships. I am hoping this summer and summer camps she will be able to work on this a little more

Michelle - posted on 04/29/2018

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Does she do any activities outside of school?
It might help being around other children that have the same interests as her. It would also help with her social skills, meeting new people instead of just being with the same girls.

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