Someone, please give me some advice. ]

Melissa - posted on 01/20/2016 ( 3 moms have responded )




I have 3 children, a daughter who is 25 and is happily married and lives out of state, a son, 24 who works and lives at home and a 19 year old daughter who until recently was working and living at home. The 19 year old has always struggled with eating disorders, drugs and depression. When she was younger, I put her into 3 mental health facilities. They always released her after 7 days, prescribed medicine she wouldn't take or would OD on until the point they refused to take her any longer. I wouldn't let her drive because she was too unstable and I never knew when she would drink or do drugs because she became very sneaky about doing things behind my back. She got a job and I or her boyfriend at the time would take her , but she became very physically abusive with me in the car that I stopped. I am on disability for severe panic disorder and anxiety so I can't take much. A month ago, I found out she was having sex with a 31 year old at her work and sneaking him in at night while my husband and I were asleep. My husband is her step-dad and he doesn't want to get involved. Finally, I woke up one night to her screaming outside at 3 in the morning arguing with her ex-boyfriend. I went out and tried to separate them and she punched me in the face. Neighbors who heard her came to my defense. I pressed charges and she went to jail with 2 assault charges against her and an underage drinking charge. A girl-friend of hers from work had her 41 year old uncle bail my daughter out of jail and she moved in with them. The uncle is a former cop who came to my house and told me he was trying to help my daughter. Yesterday, I found my daughter and he are having sex. She showed up on my doorstop at 6 in the morning with all of her things saying she had nowhere to go ( it's Ohio and it has been snowing and is freezing here) I let her in and told her she had to make arrangements to leave as soon as possible. She is still being rude and nasty to me, calling me names, saying everything is my fault. My son just wants me to turn her out into the cold and let her freeze to death ( his words). I don't know what to do


Dove - posted on 01/20/2016




Find the nearest homeless shelter and drop her off.

If you want to try letting her live at home write up a very strict contract of what she must do and what you will not tolerate and have her sign it saying she agrees. If she won't do that or if she violates the agreement... drive her to the nearest homeless shelter and drop her off.

If my child is TRYING and being respectful I would never kick them out, but violence (or emotional abuse) and drugs are two of the many behaviors I absolutely will not tolerate... period.


View replies by

OnlyBelieve - posted on 01/21/2016




My goodness, my heart extremely hurts for you. I can't imagine how you are feeling.

Have you watched the show "Intervention"? If not, I recommend searching for it.
It's a show that parent's have a child who have addictions. Most parents have to make tough decisions for their children at the end of the episode. The therapist explains to the parents how they are enabling their child. Some may need to allow their child to serve time and don't allow them back into the home. There's different scenarios. I'm not saying she's a drug addict, I'm referring to the therapist points to the family.

When you have an "Open Door" policy, meaning they can come back no matter what they do, you are enabling them to be held accountable for their own choices and actions.

It's seems like she needs counseling and some sort of rehabilitation. When you mention "as soon as possible", there has to be a date and you will have to stick to that date.

I recommend reaching out to a family counselor and share what you are experiencing. Let the counselor provide you with advise. If you don't know of one, you can call FOTF, they will give you one complimentary consultation and can also give a referral to someone in your area. Here's the # 1-855-771-HELP (4357)

I pray that all will work out for you, your daughter and entire family.
Blessings to you,

Ev - posted on 01/20/2016




She could go to a homeless shelter if you have to get her out of house. As for her sleeping with all these men, she is 19 and does know how it works. She is an adult now and has to face all these things.

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