Spending more time with stepmom than dad

Diane - posted on 04/13/2016 ( 2 moms have responded )




I'm very lucky that I have a good relationship with my ex husband. Our son is 4. We moved to a split schedule so he can see both of us. We live close enough it's doable. However now my ex has a new job that's much further away. His fiancé picks my son up from daycare on their days. I was really justifying having my son less in order for him to spend time with his dad. But now I feel like I'm giving up precious time at this special age to a stranger. I'm glad that he found someone that has an interest in my son and treats him well. They've only been together barely a year (starting right after our split) and now they are getting married. I'm really struggling with why it's "right" for me to give up time with my son if he's not spending the majority of it with his dad. I respect stepmothers tremendously. At the same time shouldn't I have consideration being his mom?

I'm trying but I feel like we are doing split custody just because it's supposedly fair and it doesn't seem fair at all. Any help to try and help my mindset would be appreciated.


Dove - posted on 04/13/2016




What do your court orders say? If you really have split custody you aren't giving up 'your' time (unless you've started giving him more time than your court orders state). It's the father's time that 'he' is giving up because of his work schedule.

While I understand it's a hard situation... if they've been together a year and are getting married she really isn't a stranger.

If for some reason you do NOT have court orders... go to court and get it all detailed. If you do have court orders... continue to follow them unless the situation seems detrimental to your son... at which time you would go back to court w/ your evidence to attempt to modify the orders.


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Ev - posted on 04/14/2016




I have to agree with Dove on this. And unless there is a problem that seems dangerous to the child and can be proven what is the problem? If this woman is to become his step mom soon (technically she is not yet) and the boy has a good relationship with her it should be okay. As Dove said read your court orders again and make sure that this split time is in there. It is dad's time and how he spends it with his son is his business not yours. As long as a child is being cared for by good people in his life, it should be fine and all adults should be on the same page.

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