Spending time

Tatiana - posted on 07/31/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )




My fiancé has an 8 year old from a previous marriage. We have a 1month old together. In my opinion, he spends more time with his 8 year old who is his first born than with our son and usually goes out of his way to spend time with him. I result to fighting with him for him to spend time with our son and for him to pay attention to our soon. I also began resenting his 8 year old and want nothing to do with him. He doesn't see it this way. He says he works hard and doesn't have time period. How can I get him to see my point of view. I cry everyday because my son doesn't get the attention and love he deserves. My heart bleeds. This is nothing like what I had imagined this would be. Also, his 8 year old wishes he didn't have a brother.


Chet - posted on 07/31/2014




Your baby is one month old. It takes time for some families to adjust to life with a new babies. Try to be patient.

Many dads do find it easier to interact with older children than with infants. I don't know how much experience your fiancé got interacting with babies when his first son was brand new, but even if he was very hands on that was eight years ago. He may need some help learning how to spend time with a tiny baby.

Not everyone instantly loves a baby or knows what to do with a baby. Try asking your fiancé to do specific things. Ask him to change a diaper, or even to just help you change a diaper. Ask him to hold the baby while you have a shower. Ask him to take some pictures of the baby. Or just do things all together with the baby. Sit together and chat while you feed the baby. Eat supper together with the baby nearby.

The father-son relationship will come in time, and it will be easier as your baby gets older and is more interactive. Most 1 month olds are only awake for short periods of time. It might seem like going off to visit his other son for a couple of hours isn't splitting his time fairly, but that's the nature of how you interact with school aged children compared with newborns.

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