State to state custody battle question

Smile - posted on 08/20/2011 ( 4 moms have responded )




I am going through a very difficult custody battle with my ex and need some opinions from the outside. Id love to here others story of how they got through it as well as what you feel about my situation. Please no mean comments. This has been one of the hardest things I have ever been through and I am looking for a little bit of advice so heres the story;

My son is currently 9 months old and stll breastfeeding. I work from home thankfully so I am able to provide for him and also be here for him 24/7. The father and I broke up a month after I found out I was pregnant. I live and Kentucky and he now lives in California. He saw our son for 2 hour visits about 15 different times from the time our son was 1 month to 4 months and hasnt seen him since.

During the pregnancy he stated he wanted nothing to do with our baby to be then changed his mind after seeing him. I thought the indecisiveness would have stopped after he seen our beautiful son but since then he has told me he wanted nothing to do with our son as long as I drop the child support case 7 times (all of which I have documented proof of) after each time of him saying that he wants nothing to do with our son a few days later he changes his mind then threatens to take custody of him. This has caused me so much stress, its almost like a game, several times hes told me "you win, you keep him" I cant help but think "win? this isnt a game of chess, my son is the main person who will be affected by our choices" Well guess what, he is back to wanting max time with our son.

Neither of us has ever had any drug/alcohol problems, abuse or legal issues so it is fair to say that we are both capable of taking care of a child.

We both have lawyers and court is coming up soon. So far he has bought our son two outfit, paid no child support or medical bills/coverage. Ive offered for him the opportunity to call our son so that he could stay familiar with his voice or do video/skype with him, ive also offered to fly out there to him so that he could see our son or to allow him to fly here and see our son. He refused all of these things because his "woman" wont allow it.

Ladies, dont get me wrong here, I dont want my son to be with out a father, as much as I dislike my babies father I love my son a million times more and will always place whats best for him above my wants/needs. I need out side opinion that isnt tainted by emotions.

He wants 10 day visits monthly and he wants them to start next month. I feel like that is way too much for my son at such a young age and right off the bat. First of all he has never been away from me for more than 4 hours, secondly he hast had any contact with his father in 5 months thirdly he is still breastfeeding and last, his father works from 3am to 6pm so even if my son was there for 10 days he would only be able to see his dad on his days off and for 2 hours before bed time.

I'm not sure how state to state custody cases usually work but what do you guys think? Id like to do a step up visitation where each visit we can increase a little bit more and more. I need advice on what you guys think about visitation as far as what would be best for my baby. Im just so confused and scared please help!!!!

Thanks & God Bless



Tiara - posted on 08/24/2011




Ten days a month? I don't think so. Don't drop the child support order again though, because it sounds like he's taking your kindness for weakness. You should also ask that he be required to pay for airfare, as well as daycare, should it become needed. and can you always claim the baby on taxes. and also ask for medical. GOOD LUCK!!!

Merry - posted on 08/21/2011




My husband is in college for criminal justice so he's learning alot about the laws and he says usually nursing will determine for the first year that dad won't get extreme amount of time with the baby since it's proven fact that formula is sub par. Secondly he says the fact th dad has such ling hours at work would be against his case since the baby wouldn't be even cared for by a family member for hours.
He thinks this dad won't get this type of visitation.
Good luck! Don't be afraid to fight hard to keep your son, I couldn't imagine your baby being away from you that long, he would be devastated. He has years and years to get to know his dad, this young he NEEDS you. :)


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Cate - posted on 08/20/2011




I'm sure no court would give him what he is asking, Keep documenting everything and stay calm. You sound like you are doing a great job! well done and all the best xx

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