step dads

Tania - posted on 03/06/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )




My 7yr old daughter has a dad she sees every 3 to 6 weeks then theres my sons dad that lives with us n has done for nearly 4 years for the last 2 or so years she's chosen to call him dad even before my son was born, just recently shes starting asking y she calls him dad cos he's not, I told her she didnt have to it was her choice and always will be but i dont think it answered her concerns completely where do i go from here


Jodi - posted on 03/06/2012




My daughter (almost 7) asks why her older brother (14) has a different daddy, and I just say that before I married her daddy and we had her, I was married to Jayden's daddy and had him, but that we weren't happy together, so we thought it best that we not be married any more.

Something along those lines would probably suffice at this stage.

Just make sure you reassure her that she can call your partner daddy if she chooses to, but it is totally up to her.

Just a thought, is it possible her bio dad has made the point at some stage and that is why she's started asking?


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Kay - posted on 03/06/2012




In our family, we say we are not blended, we are pureed.

My fiancé has two daughters from his marriage, I have a son from a previous relationship, and we have a son together. My son's biological father has never been involved in his life, so we have never had quite the same issue. However, we have recently begun "prep work" for telling him someday, and maybe you can find some ideas in it. ;)

Our big thing is that family is who loves you.For instance, we have a very nice couple across the street who recently began fostering a little boy about my older son's age, and even more recently a newborn. It turned out to be a great opportunity to talk about the meaning of "family". We explained that although the kids weren't "born" into that family, they were still family, because they had two parents that loved them, and they loved their parents. Then we expanded it to include his "aunt" and "uncle"--my best friend and her long-term partner, who have been part of his life since before he was born, by explaining that even though she isn't my "sister", we love each other like sisters, and that makes her part of our family too.

Since your daughter's biological father is in her life, I would make sure she knows that it's okay if she doesn't want to call your partner dad, but that doesn't mean that he isn't part of her family or that she isn't part of his. She is at the age where she is starting to decide if she is "normal", so I would definitely make sure that you reassure her that there is no such thing as a "normal" family--it is just the people that love you, and it can be comprised of all kinds of different things. If you are comfortable with it, I would point out that some families have two moms, some have two dads, some only have one parent, etc, so that she understands.

Good luck!!!

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