Step daughter relationship

Lilly - posted on 11/26/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )




So I have been in a relationship with my fiancé for a year n 5months he has a daughter from a previous relationship she is 7 yrs old. For the first year he would have his daughter every other weekend which I was fine with and knew what I was getting myself into in the summer he gets her every other week for a full week I was not used to having her around for that long so I found myself getting annoyed n not looking forward to those weeks when she was over now it is back to every other weekend and find myself dreading those weekends. We have a two n half month old baby boy and my love towards him is unconditional there is nothin in the world I would not do for that boy, I feel my relationship with his daughter is none basically I just can't get close I feel a step child is just different from a biological child like I am not her mother and not trying to be. My fiancé is in a custody battle now which first started as a request to his ex to have a bit more time with his daughter every request she turned down so he now taking her to court the court papers first were for him to have her on all his days off she rejected and now seeking more money so now he is filling for full custody. He never came to me and asked how I feel about him seeking full custody and I feel he is doing all this and never considered how I felt, Is that me being selfish? When she is around I find myself I draw myself out the picture and just let her and her dad bond like I find myself not having an interest and just want to be alone and with my son when she is here and I find those weekends me and my fiancé are also drawn I feel her living with us will totally change things and maybe even my relationship like I knew he had a daughter coming in and I accept that and was used to him just having her ever other weekend now he wants full custody like I did not sign up for this am I wrong for feeling this way? Should he have asked me first about him filing full custody?


[deleted account]

I have been in your shoes. My husband has a son who was very young when we got married. At first it was every other weekend and then it increased little by little. I don't think you are at all selfish in feeling that he should be talking with you about these major decisions. Ultimately, (and this was the case with me too) my husband became resentful that I was trying to put limitations on his time with his child. But my argument was really that he was making huge decisions that impacted our relationship without me.

You can't help how you feel, but consider your words before you voice them. There are a lot of things I said in frustration that I wish I could take back. You may come across like you don't care about his daughter when really, you are concerned with the stability of your family and understanding the boundaries of your step relationship.

I would talk to your fiancé about how you feel...maybe write it all out and step away for a while to clear your mind. Then go back and read what you wrote and see if it comes across negative. Share your concerns about him not talking to you about filing for full custody and his reasons for feeling he didn't need to. If it gets heated, step away for a bit. Things said in anger are usually the things we remember most.

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