Step parent in parent teacher confrences

Dothsukk - posted on 08/15/2019 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I am the mother of a beautiful little girl starting preschool this year. Me and her dad were never married. Its a long story but, I am always the one compromising and being friendly and nice. Her dad got a new girlfriend when i was 3 months pregnant. He is now engaged to the same girl who I get along with and appreciate everything she has done for our daughter. I have said a few times that she does things and handles things that her dad should be handling. I love how involved she is but, there are somethings that I do feel she oversteps on. Now, rather that is her herself doing it or him making her cause he cant handle things on his own i don't know. He used to bring her to our custody cases in the court for goodness sake. But, whole other story. We have a 60/40 schedule right now. The issues i am having lately is trying to talk to him about boundaries for her soon to be step mom. I love how involved she is and how much she loves our daughter but, again there are some things I feel should not be done without my consent or even knowledge. Her first day of preschool is coming up and i took the morning off so i could get her ready and do her hair and now he is saying no because its technically his morning with her. I know he wont be the one getting her ready it will be his fiancé. I said Ok , well then lets figure out a way for all of us to do it together. He refuses to do things together. Even though we don't really not get along and i am always extremely friendly to his fiancé and his family. He is just very disrespectful to me. Also with parent teacher conferences coming up...i don't want her there. I am her mother, and I am a very active part in my daughter's life. I never miss anything. I am her mom and he is her father...to me she doesn't need to be at those types of things, just like she didn't need to be at our custody battle. Our child is not her child biologically and i feel like those things should be discussed with me before hand and not just done. I have a boyfriend who is also been in our child's life for more than half her life now who never crosses those boundaries and i wouldn't let him. Am i crazy to think that she doesn't need to be involved in these types of things? Its almost feeling like a slap in the face and that I'm not a present parent when she comes to these things and tries to overstep. and how do I even begin to discuss this with her father without offending anyone. Me and his fiancé get along and i don't want to jeopardize that but, I also feel like boundaries' I'm not comfortable with are being crossed.

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Raye - posted on 09/11/2019

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As a stepmother, I want to give another perspective... Maybe the child's father is not well organized. Maybe the fiance is the one that will help the child be on time to catch the bus, keep the child on track with homework after school instead of playing video games, have the child ready to be picked up with all the things needed at your house so there's not a lot of running belongings back and forth because they were forgotten. Having the fiance in the loop at the teacher conference may help the child succeed better in school. It doesn't mean that you're any less capable of helping your child. It just means that you can't be with the kid 100% of the time, and this other person wants to help. Can a child have too many people that love them and want the best for them?

I understand there are milestones in your child's life you want to be there for, but when families are split sometimes things will happen during the other parent's time. Realize also that the father will be missing out on a lot that happens when the child is with you. If you have a valid complaint, please address it with the child's father and/or the soon-to-be stepmom. Hopefully everyone can adult enough to be reasonable. I have endured many uncomfortable occasions where my husband and his ex are together for the sake of the kids, and I feel in most cases I have every right to be there. I married this man with children, they are all my family, and I have dedicated my life to them. But I also understand that caring for the child should not be a battleground. It should come down to what is most helpful for the child.

Fisherprice2021 - posted on 08/19/2019

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I agree with anupriya. But I feel the bad blood your daughter's father has for you is the biggest problem. Because he has obviously no respect for you, his fiancee's doing is absolutely not wrong to him. So approaching the situation to him is a waste of time. Talk to her instead. If neither of them see your point..... Then its time to start bringing your boo around a little more. Give him a taste of his own medicine. And if he compares his soon to be marriage vs. your boyfriend status, just remind him he holds no weight since the disrespect he has been giving off long ago. Stop respecting people who doesn't deserve it. Your boyfriend been around for half your daughters life. He is important to.

Anupriya - posted on 08/18/2019

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Hi Kylie,

It's a critical situation you are going through and very emotionally disturbed. I think, there is no need to discuss things with your ex-partner, as he will neither listen to you nor even try to understand. If you and his fiance are in good terms, discuss your point with her directly. Don't be blunt; instead let her understand that as a mom, what are your desires for the child and how much you love your daughter too. You want to take care of little things for her.

If you talk about your biological parent right, it will lead to more disaster. The situation is critical, so try to be friendly with his fiance, till the time you'll get your things resolved and finalization of child custody. I know, it's difficult to go through with the situation, but be strong and try to handle it with patience.

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