Step parents relationship with step children

Amy - posted on 07/19/2016 ( 8 moms have responded )




I have been married to my husband since my oldest daughter was 13, my middle daughter was 6 and we have a daughter together.

My husband has always been a little grumpy, moody, and expected a lot from the girls. A lot of this was because of how he was raised but still no excuse.

Recently, he and I have had some difficulties and he was talking to an old high school friend without me knowing. It never got passed talking but still an utter betrayal to me and my girls.

My middle daughter, who's father has nothing to do with her and my husband raised, was furious with him. She is very quiet and reserve and completely lost it on him. Not only because of his dishonesty but she drug up feeling like she had to walk on egg shells, how they were never close and never would be, and how she would be perfectly fine with me divorcing him. This crushed my husband. He cried like a baby after that conversation when he was away from her.

He is really trying, both with me and with her but she is not very receptive. She says it's too late and that they will never be close. He and my oldest don't even speak. They have never had a good relationship and now she pretty much despises him even more now.

Is there anything that can be done to restore this relationship? Is there anything besides time and prayer that my husband and I can do to help mend this between him and her?

Thanks for any advice. God bless.


♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/19/2016




Seriously, you married a man, most likely because you thought you "needed" one at the time. You chose one with (from what you say) zero personality, nor any understanding of parenting.

He's never been close to your kids because he's never tried. Why you married the man, knowing that he wouldn't try to be a quality person in their lives is now a moot point. You did it, it's now later, and none of your kids like him...and can you really blame them?

The time to "correct" anything about these issues was BEFORE you married.

Jodi - posted on 07/19/2016




How was him talking to her a betrayal to you? What was he talking about? did your daughter know about this?


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Kassidy - posted on 07/20/2016




Coming from a person who has had a step parent since I was 7... If the man you married never had intentions of getting close to your children you have no reason to want or need to be with him. My step father took on full responsibility to accept me as his own and give me a life he thought would be good for me.

I don't think anything, but prayer will help you in trying to restore a relationship. Once your child felt neglected and then watched a man she probably hates do something to wrong to her mother.. there is no restoration.

Dove - posted on 07/19/2016




How do your daughters know about him talking to this other woman? The intimate details between the two of you are not their business and shouldn't be their concern.

It doesn't sound like their relationships w/ him have ever been good.... As a single mom of 3 I, too, am wondering why you would have ever married this man... Your children deserved better.

It's not up to you to fix this.... it should be all his doing to foster a better relationship w/ the children of his spouse.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/19/2016




Oh btw, what do YOU want with this man? Do you want to stay with him? Why did you marry him when he is "grumpy" and expects a lot from children that aren't his? Do you want to keep this marriage?

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/19/2016




Well, being a step-daughter myself, you cannot mend it for them. It doesn't sound like they had a good relationship to begin with (in fact you said they didn't). It is a to little to late situation. This is on him and how he wants to attempt to rebuild the relationship between his step-daughters. YOU cannot force it. If you do, I promise it will make situations worse. So, the best you can do is attempt to have a peaceful home. It is HIS turn to walk on eggshells, and vie for the girls attention much like they have probably done for years to get HIS love and attention.

Also, stop talking about your relationship problems with your daughters. Word to the wise, don't marry a man your children don't like. It never ends well.

Ev - posted on 07/19/2016




I have the same questions as Jodi.

Be in regards to the relationships your girls had with your husband, the two step daughters; what did he do to help form a bond with your girls early on?

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