step son

Terry - posted on 01/07/2018 ( 5 moms have responded )

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hello,i am a 52 step momto a 8 1/2 year old boy, been married for 2 years together for almost 4, I have 3 grown kids and10 grandkids my husband has 2 other kid that are grown and he just had a grandbaby, we are raising his son his mom is not active except as weekend mom no support at all, she been gone since he was 3 , we treat all are kids like they are are own I know im not his mom and he doesn't call me mom, I am about to my end , he throw fits yell at me want listen even says mean things to me. example my dog was sick and he look at me and said your dog going die, with a straight face. , I feel that I'm all alone every time I tell him to do something he looks at his dad or ask his dad, when I get on him he starts whinnying, then his dad ask whats wrong and he said terrylynn want or said. I feel like I get told on all the time to te point I tell myself now, my husband tells me I m to hard on him but he gets on to him more than me, the boy only chore is taking trash out. when I try to make him clean he's room a end of dad, he's dad back major awhile then he tell me he don't think he should keep it clean so I back off and tell him to keep his dresser draw close and dirt cloths put in hamper. he want do that . I try taking his satellite tv away from his room but after a month he still want just do those 2 things and he dad ask we you going give his tv back so I gave it back, everytime we get into a argument and most time not about are son, he will tell me his son unhappy or misiable and it cause of me. I need help bad I try to talk to my husband but he thinks I have to many rules, and being to controling , I feel I have one foot out the door and the othe cose behind,

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L - posted on 01/08/2018

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I am very sorry! I am very sorry! This boy could have a lot of pain inside and that could be the reason he treats you and reacts the ways he does. Would it be possible for you to meet with a counselor so that you get some help in the forms of a professional listening ear and professional guidance? Children need rules and they need to be responsible. We all need to obey rules everywhere. There is no excuse for anybody. This boy could one day love you a lot and be very grateful for you. But letting him live as he pleases and do whatever he wants are not the solution. Your husband may feel suffering about what is taking place, and what he says to you he may say it without thinking about his words. Maybe a professional could give you some very good ideas about this whole situation. I think that every morning you could go to this boy’s room and say to him, “Good Morning! I love you!” When you see him about to leave the house, you could tell him, “Have a nice day! I love you!” I do not believe that you are being harsh with him. I believe that this boy could be blessed a lot if he hears you often tell him that you love him, even as you are very firm with commandments about his responsibilities. Maybe you could treat yourself to some things that are good for you or that you enjoy. And you can always talk to God. He can help a lot. I hope that He blesses all of you!

Michelle - posted on 01/07/2018

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You and your husband have to be on the same page. You 2 need to sit down and agree on the house rules and consequences for not following them.
Maybe Dad needs to step up and actually discipline his child, not you. As you said, you aren't trying to be his Mum so Dad needs to actually be Dad.
He needs to be consistent though and show his son that the behaviour is unacceptable.

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Terry - posted on 03/08/2018

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EVERY TIME WE SIT DOWN AND DECIDE ON THE RULES EVEN MADE A CHART LETTING HIM KNOW WHAT TO DO IN MORNING WHEN HE GETS HOME FROM SCHOOL AND BEFORE BED, BECAUSE EVERYTIME WE ASK HIM DID YOU PICK YOU CLOTHES UP OR BRUSH YOUR TEETH HE WOULD SAY I FORGOT, SO MY HUSBAND MADE A CHART HE CAN READ , BUT HE STILL DON'T DO SOME OF IT AND GOES BACK TO I FORGOT, THEN WHEN WE GET IN A ARGUMENT ABOUT THINGS MY HUSBAND ALWAYS SAYS YOU HAVE TOO MANY RULES HE JUST A 8 YEAR OLD, THE ONLY RULES I HAVE ARE I WANT HE'S ROOM KEEP AT A PRETTY DECENT , LIKE DIRTY CLOTHES IN CLOTHES BASKET, BED MADE AND DRAW KEEP CLOSED , NO CLOTHES ON FLOOR, ARE SO TAKE FOREVER TO EAT SOMETIME ITS BEEN OVER A HOUR BUT THERE TIMES HE'S THROUGHT IN 15 MIN . SO WE GIVE HIM 30 MIN IF HE'S NOT THROUGHT HE LOOSES HIS TV UNTIL THE NEXT DINNER, NOW ME AND MY HUSBAND BOTH TALK ABOUT THIS AND AGREE TOO THIS BUT NOW HE THINKS HE SHOULDN'T BE TIMED THAT IF HE SIT THERE ALL NIGHT ITS' OK. AND I'M NOT ALLOW TO MAKE HE'S PLATE, CAUSE MY HUSBAND SAID I PUT TOO MUCH ON IT , I FEEL IT PUT A 4 YEAR OLD SERVING BECAUSE HE WANTS HIS SON TO GET DONE BUT HE DOESNT. I HAVE GRANDKIDS THAT ARE AROUND HIS AGE , AND WHEN THEY COME OVER , I FEEL I CANT' BE A NANA CAUSE THEY HAVE TO FOLLOW ALL OF ARE SON RULES , REACH I UNDERSTAND SOME OF THAT SHOULD BE THE SAME BUT A NANA IS SUPPOSED TOO BE ABLE TO SPOIL HER GRANDKIDS, IF I HAVE A SNACK IN THE LIVINGROOM AND NOE OF MY GRANDKIDS WANT SOME AND I GIVE THEM SOME , MY HUSBAND SAID TAKE THAT TO THE TABLE YOU MAKE KRIS EAT AT THE TABLE, BUT HE DOES GIVE HIM BITES OF HIS, I FEEL LIKE I LOST ALL I WAS AS A NANA.

Terry - posted on 03/08/2018

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THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR COMMENTS ,WE ARE GOING TO DO CONSELOR. AND I WILL START GIVE MORE REENFORSEMENT LIKE TELL HIM GOOD MORNING AND ASKING MORE ABOUT HIS DAY.

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