Candy - posted on 09/08/2016 ( 5 moms have responded )
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Hello,
I am a step up or step in parent to two wonderful children whom will be 7 in just a few weeks. Their father and I have been together for 2 years now and for the past year the girl has been calling me mom. Well her new mom and she calls her mother one of two names either by her full name or she calls her "my old mom". Here more recently the little boy has started to call me mom also just not as frequent, but more and more. I truly love them like they are my own even when they make me angry! Their father has done everything he knew to do and really has done much better than his mother, but the children were out of control do to the lack of discipline. I cannot blame him too much because he was trying to assure that he got the children, but now we are trying to turn things around and it has been a tricky road. I could really use some other mothers, step mothers, or anyone who can help, help, and or just listen.
Thank you for reading this whole thing.
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Jodi - posted on 09/09/2016
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Thanks for clarifying. Because they have had a lack of discipline for some time, it is going to be hard work to bring them back. Make sure your consequences are swift and consistent - find their currency and use it. It may be loss of privileges, but try to ensure the punishment fits the crime, and that it is super consistent. Every single time, they need to have a consequence that will deter the behaviour. Also, reward positive behaviour. Reward the behaviour you want to see. Praise is often enough. Catch them doing great things, provide them with some positive feelings, and they will want more of that. The reward does not need to be material. It does not need to be expected. You could, for instance, tell them they have been so great this week that you are going to organise a family movie night....or something like that.