Stepdaughter rul;es our at house VS Mothers house

[deleted account] ( no moms have responded yet )

Let me make this very clear first off---I know I am not her mother, and will never be her mother.

I have been in my step daughters life since she was 17 months old. I have been with her father for a total of 6.5 years. We were together and apart for several years when he met her mother and Madeline was born. I have always tried to be fair and consistent with Madeline. Kyle and I have had many discussions and we have agreed on rules and boundaries for our house. She has no boundaries whatsoever at her mothers and can get away with pretty much anything. Her mother spends very little one on one time with her. We spend every moment with her when she is with us at our home. Her mother and Kyle and I do not see eye to eye on much of anything. Her mother is very "free spirited" and says and teaches Madeline some things that Kyle and I find very inappropriate for a 5 year old.

I guess my main question is what is the best way to get Maddie to respect our house rules vs boundaries without ruining our entire time with her. She throws tantrums like a two year old and it is very frustrating for her father and I. We have tried taking toys away, time outs etc. When she is in time out she will get out of TO chair and come up to you just to push your buttons. She seems to pull these things more with me then her father.

It usually only comes up when she doesn't get her way or she isn’t allowed to do something at our house that she is at her Moms. I understand consistency is important....but the venom/poisonous things coming out of her mouth is awful. She is being trained to hate me by her mother.

Her mother calls me nasty names in front of her all the time. I just need some guidance on calming techniques for her, her father and I to help keep us sane as we battle the differences between our home vs her mothers.

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