Stepmom / Bio-mom issues

[deleted account] ( 2 moms have responded )

I have 3 teenagers and my husband has 3 children in their early twenties. We have no children together. We have been together for 7 years, married for 6 so all of his children were in their late teens when we met. Their bio-mom (never actually married to my husband) has been married for about 14 years to another man, whom she had the kids call "dad", which my husband doesn't seem to be really bothered by because they call him dad also. Anyway, one of my stepdaughters moved in with us when she was 18, now 24 and we have grown close. She calls me by my first name, which I really wouldn't expect otherwise but I refer to her as my daughter, unless the situation calls for specifics. Her mother won't acknowledge me as a parent figure of any sort. When my stepdaughter got married, my stepdaughter wanted me with her on her day but her mom wouldn't hear of it. When my stepdaughter's new in-laws told her that she was now part if their family and like one of their own daughters she made a point to grab her arm and tell everyone that she was HER daughter. She has also told my stepdaughter that when she has a child that she, her mom, will not let me hold the baby. My stepdaughter doesn't feel the same way but her mother gives her nothing but misery over everything. It breaks my heart to see her cry or be upset, let alone by her own mother! I want to say something to bio-mom but don't so my stepdaughter won't be miserable. I didn't even get to be in any of the wedding pics because of her. How would you handle this situation? And how could she possibly think acting this way is right, especially since she had her kids call the stepdad "dad"?


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[deleted account]

I wouldn't think of telling my stepdaughter how she should handle her mother, even though she vents to me about her. My question is, I guess, if you were me and were verbally in person confronted by her mother, would you bite your tongue and try to keep your stepdaughter out of a miserable situation with her mom, or would you say something knowing that her mom is going to make her life a living hell afterwards? It isn't just me that feels that how she speaks to me in uncalled for and unnecessary. I never met the woman before the wedding rehearsal. I had tried, on my stepdaughter's behalf to try to say hi and introduce myself through Facebook. Her mom added me as a friend then got offended when I posted something about shopping for bridesmaid dresses, which my bio daughter was a bridesmaid and my 2 bio sons were groomsmen. She said I was rubbing it in her face, when in fact, I had forgotten I had even added her as a friend and would have posted regardless. That blew up on my stepdaughter and I didn't have any contact with her mother until the rehearsal. Things seemed fine but when everyone went to leave I told her it was nice to meet her and she turned and snapped at kids witnessing the entire thing. Teenagers are hard to handle as it ius, but when you mess with their mama....They started to say something and I just stopped them and said we could discuss it later, not saying anything to the mom in return to save my stepdaughter from absolute misery the next couple days.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/12/2014




Because, women think of children as their possessions.

My husband's ex was the same way. Ultimately, the kid has to stand up to her mother. Either that, or be miserable the rest of her life, but it's not your choice to tell her how to handle her mother.

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