StepMom/ BioDad Bullying

Stephanie - posted on 05/14/2016 ( 1 mom has responded )




I am hoping to hear responses from other bio-moms who may have or be going through something similar.

6 years ago, my ex-husband cheated on me and left me for our children's daycare provider. I was friends with her, and she knew our family well.

While a lot of time has passed, and there is no emotional attachment left for my ex-husband, the two of them gang up on me in subtle ways. Last year he insisted that she attend a parent teacher conference, even though I asked him not to (she came anyway).

Almost a year ago, they purchased a house 2 hours outside of my city, and since then they have been buying my kids affection and putting thoughts in their heads that it would be better if they lived with them and go to school up there.

I currently have my kids about 80% of the time (because of the move) and I have offered more time for the dad at my children's request.

Unfortunately, he only wants his way (which is he wants to switch the access completely) and criticizes my parenting claiming that im not looking out for the best interests of my kids because they are "not doing well in school". Which is untrue. My son was having behavioural issues which were addressed and my daughter was having girl friend issues (as most pre-teen girls go through). I am the parent who was communicating with teachers and principals and social workers to help with my children's needs where they just sat back and criticized and blamed my parenting as the major issue.

I am a great mother, I am affectionate, loving, verbalize my feelings with my kids. I enroll (and pay for) their extra curriculars, take them places, have playdates and feed them nutritious meals. I am doing my best as a single parent.

Most recently I have found out from my new daycare provider, that their step mom has been complaining about me and my kids school to her.

I was furious but have not figured out a way to handle this yet.

I fear my ex is playing mind games with my kids to convince them it would be better to live with them. I also need to know how to tell this step mom to understand her role as a step parent and mind her own business when it comes to decisions that she has no legal say in (such as education).

Can anyone offer some advice?

Thank you


♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/14/2016




I know that you think she's butting in...but honestly?

He brought his wife to a parent teacher conference. Ok...? You were there as well, it wasn't like they weren't allowing you to participate.

She's voicing an opinion to someone? She gets to have opinions. Its not like she's going to stick her head in the sand when your kids are on their dad time, she's part of that time now, and she is going to have opinions. She may be basing her opinions of the kids' school (for example) on things that the kids are saying when they are at their father's house.

My mother once accused my father (40 years ago) of "brainwashing" me into wanting to live with him. I assure you, there was never any brainwashing, I was tired of my mom's house and overbearing attitude, and I wanted to live with my father.

Have you asked your kids where they want to live?

As far as her "say". No, she has no legal say, but if she's a quality step parent, she will be involved and concerned about those kids, just as any parent would be. She's going to have opinions. Every human being does. You can't stop that, nor should you try, because you'll come across as insecure and petty. The legality of the situation is between you and your ex. Know, however, that he may allow her to handle certain things in the home/school/relationship arena with the kids, and you can't dictate whether or not she's allowed to do so, in their home.

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