Tattoos

Jeanne - posted on 01/10/2018 ( 9 moms have responded )

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My 18 year old son took a short trip to LA, and while he was gone got a gigantic, I mean gigantic tattoo on his inner arm. Its so horrific I don't think I can live with it. I resent the fact that he made this decision and acted on it without talking to me or letting me see the design before it was inked. And I resent his girlfriend and their family for thinking its okay to take this kid to a tattoo parlor and get something that large and permanent without talking to his parents first. I'm so upset I don't even want to see him, even though I love him with all my heart I feel completely betrayed. I know its irrational but I can't talk myself out of this anquesh and grief!

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Dusty_dustbunny - posted on 01/10/2018

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Besides the size and that it's semi permanent, is any thing else bugging you about it? Tattoos take maintenance else they fade or warp. They can be removed with laser treatments and some can be changed into something else.

I agree with the underlying assessment that you are going through the parental stage of getting used to your child be a young adult that will make what you consider stupid or poor choices. They will probably look back and agree with you on some.

I advise talking to your son, not about why you hate his tattoo or how you feel about it. Tattoos having meaning, they are symbols of something to the wearer. Ask him why he choose it, what does it mean. Ask him about what tattoos he has seen before and like, why? Take this opportunity to get to know him better. Tattoos tell a story and it's important. In some cases it really was a bad idea or was just to fit in and it is sad, but they need to grow past needing it at that time.

If you need some company in your misery look up tattoo nightmares. If you want to appreciate how beautiful and complicated some tattoos can be, look up ink masters. Both shows give helpful prespectives.

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Shenequa - posted on 01/13/2018

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This seems to be the ultimate act of independence for your son. Though I would not want my son or daughters to do something like that, knowing me, I would probably bask in the fact that they have to live with that and all the attention it brings for the rest of their life. Kids grow up and they are not going to always do everything we would want or like for them to do. It is a part of their learning. If my kids did this, it wouldn't be a question of forgiving them since they don't need my permission or opinion to do it. I hope you can get past this and enjoy as much time with your son as you can because that is what is invaluable and priceless.

Miracle - posted on 01/12/2018

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jeanne. yes i dont pay for college since my sons are young. but me paying for their college will be my choice to help their education. does not mean they arent adults in the eyes of the law and can't get a tattoo for gods sake. nobody forced you to pay for your son, dont take it out on a mother with younger kids. i payed over 70,000 in medical expenses for my sick son last year, i understand sacrificing money for your child. you dont seem happy about doing that.

Michelle - posted on 01/11/2018

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By law he is an adult, it doesn't matter that you are paying for all his expenses.
If you don't want him to make his own choices then make him get a job and pay for his own expenses.
I will say that there's no point dwelling on it, what's done is done and it's a big expense to have it removed.

Jeanne - posted on 01/11/2018

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Priscilla Pauletta Dustbunny thank you so very much for sharing your thoughts and providing me with some avenues to explore alternative ways of seeing this. It was incredibly helpful to have pointers to places that could provide excellent food for thought. I just really want you to know that I'm very grateful that you shared your knowledge with me.

Jeanne - posted on 01/11/2018

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Well Miracle Jackson I suppose that if you're in your 20s with 2 children it may be hard for you to imagine spending almost $70,000 per year on my son's college and support, which does not make him an adult but a totally dependent student. His time to make permanent decisions about his life comes when he supports himself. I'm curious as to why you chose to respond the way you did - you came across as an unhappy and angry person. Let's talk in 16 years when you're spending all over your savings on their college and see if you feel that they are adults who can make their own decisions.

Miracle - posted on 01/10/2018

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He is a adult now just like u. whether u want to ambit or not. you may be a older mother, because i am a mother of 2 (im in my 20s) & tattoos are not taboo anymore. at one time pierced ears would get ur reaction from a parent.

Carol - posted on 01/10/2018

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Unfortunately at 18 there is nothing you can do really bar showing your dis pleasure but it’s not easy to forget and forgive since it’s a 24/7 reminder.
I’d feel the same as you if any if mine did the same but I dint know how I’d accept it.

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