teen girl bullies

Heather - posted on 03/17/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )




hi i have a 14 year old daughter who is being bullied & called a prosie on a daily basic i have been to the school a & spoked to the head of her year who seemed really concerned he asked her to keep a log book of all that is seid & do far enough ! we also spoke to the leasion officer of her year whom i have told about this case of bullying also a case of bullying about 6 months ago where my daughter came home every day saying i wont to be dead . since my daughter & i have spoken to her & the head teacher the leasion officer has started to call my daughter a lier it is now at the stage were my daughter no longer wants to go to school this is what i dident want to happen is ther any one with some advice please


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Ellen - posted on 07/05/2011




this is a hard one have to talked to the board of ed in ur town. I know girls at this age are very mouthy. My daughter had that problem this past spring but not that bad. If ur daugher believes everything other girls say about each other tell her not to repeat.Alway take rides with ur daughter go to stores. that is the best way to commuicate with her. Always let her know u are always their. Sometime God trys to let ur daughter who is a friend and whos not. Keep a close eye on things. Do what u must and Pray that she can find and super best friends for ever. That is all she needs is a best friend. My best friend I met at 14 and we have been friend ever since. thats all she needs pray for this.

Richelle - posted on 07/01/2011




Talk to her doctor and get a referral to a psychiatrist and/or a therapist. She needs help, not only to control her feelings but to deal with being a victim. The next thing to do is to go to the police and get a lawyer. Every school has a responsibility to keep kids safe, whether they're public or private. Check with your particular state on bullying laws, as well as with the state department of education on rules and regulations that private schools need to abide by.

Also, if someone suggests that she take medication, keep in mind that they can put her on the lowest dose possible and she won't necessarily be taking them for the rest of her life. The benefits of a medication even if it is only taken in the short term will be that therapy will be more effective, and that's where she will learn the coping skills to deal with her feelings of being a victim and any conflict she may have in the future.

My son went through this at a public school (he's almost 13 now), so I've been where you are. The anger comes from being a victim. Do you have documentation on events that occurred, at least notes that you have taken? That will help. If that boy is old enough, he can be charged with a crime, but you will have to take the initiative to get the wheels moving. Don't be silent! Bullies like this rely on the victims and other bystanders to be silent. It's their greatest weapon. My son was bullied, teased and tormented until he was angry all the time and had been contemplating suicide. Once we got to the lowest point, he was so anxious and angry it was uncontrollable, and he was put on medication. His school did nothing except punish him for defending himself. It was inexcusable. We finally pulled him out of the public school and homeschooled him for the second semester. He was nearly agoraphobic because of the very high level of anxiety he had. This year he will be going to an online public charter school and he's really looking forward to it. He's also gotten his anger and anxiety under control and is asking to do things with other kids now. I highly recommend the book The Bully, The Bullied and The Bystander. It's one of the best books out there. Good luck, and please, I've done a lot of homework on this, please don't hesitate to contact me.

Elaine - posted on 03/17/2009




Schedule a meeting with her counselor, teachers, principal and vice principal, psychologist on staff, etc. Get them all in one room and create a plan with them. They will get you what you need. There is a bullying write up for kids who bully. Usually the bully will do it as long as they get away with it. Also my daughter was bullied so much and picked on that she retreated personally and wouldn't speak with anyone except with anger and defiance. The mental health counselor got involved and helped her with ways to communicate what she actually meant..rather then putting her hand up in someones face like "whatever" attitude. Anyhow, they eventually wrote the girl up, called the parents..and this mother was involved very much in the school and still to this day..can't believe her precious angel would be mean to anyone. Anyhow, the counselor and the teachers who watched closelly and reported that this actually was a problem. The girl was told that she would be suspended if she even looked at my daughter wrong. I also had my daughter invite all the so called left out girls to the house every weekend until she started to form her own group...it helps to have numbers because they go after loners or someone away from the crowd. Good luck..don't stop until the problem is solved though.

[deleted account]

I am actually going through exactly the same situation.  I live in England and the Education system is quite easy to approach.  My 13 yr old is being bullied and is on anti-depressants.  When I informed the school of the severity of it, they appointed her a counsellor and things are now starting to improve.  But my heart goes out to both of you.  As a mother you want to take the pain away (you would rather it be yourself than your child).


Tomorrow will only be the 2nd session with the counsellor, but at lease my daughter can see light at the end of the tunnel.


Good luck and keep us posted.


Liz North East England

[deleted account]

Oh wow this hits really close to home for me. I have a 14 year old as well, who gets picked on and bullied repeatedly. Teenage girls are aweful. What are they bullying her for? Is it the way she dressed? or looks? I have also been to the school on numerous occasions only to have them spin me around the block. First thing is get her into counseling. I know that my daughters counselor helped her to gain ideas on how to avoid situations, and how to react to others. I have also caught girls in the act and reminded them that being a teenager is hard enough without you picking on each other. Really you just need to remind her that she is a beautiful wonderful person, and that these people mean nothing to her, they do not define who she is, she defines who she is for herself. And one day, she will never see them again. Don't depend on the school to do anything, they won't, even with anti-bully laws, they won't. What you have to remember is someone is bullying because they are hurting in someway, and when your daughter reacts to it, they get satisfaction out of it. The hardest thing to tell them to do is not react to it, but it does work, they eventually get bored and move on to better prey. But the root cause of the bullying is usually something happening within their own home. You may be able to talk to the parents, but most often they are the cause. It is a tough situation, but I can tell that a big help is a counselor, and your support. Children who have parents advocate for them, gives them confidance. I wish you the best of luck, I know how hard this is.

Cookie - posted on 03/17/2009




"Unfortunetly there's bullies like that in every school, My 10 year old was having some issues with a student in her classroom as well, we went through all the motions of trying to nip it in the bud by being the bigger person and following all the rules and guidlines @ school, that did not work.Finally I told my daughter that it's okay for them to say what they want to say, but when they touch you, protect yourself rather you win or lose, push came to shove and they fought, my daughter lost but the other girl knows that she can say what she wants but my daughter will protect herself with out a doubt.I know fighting is not the solution but sometimes your child has to take a stand when there are no other options, running is out of the questions because that will only cause more issues in the future. I think parents should be notified of their childrens actions so that it will not come to fights or worse, I think that you should talk with the parents to find out what's really going on, If need be go to your board of education. Sometimes Parents can be a bigger bully then their own children. I do wish you the best of Luck with this Jackie. Please keep us posted".

Stevie - posted on 03/17/2009




scare the crap out of that school being bullied is harrasment  and harrasment isnt allowed anywhere and just threaten the school with that when i was still in high school my first or second year i was getting harrassed by a student and a teacher and my mom had to do the same thing so my best guess is threaten them and get serious with it they are a government program and there for they have to obay the rules to the extream just find the right number and if they dont take you serious call and tell them

[deleted account]

This seems to be so common. Girls tend to bully their competition, and/or girls they are jealous of. It's hard to say what to do. I wouldn't hesitate to call the superintendent of the BOE if the school isn't doing enough. Since obviously it has escalated to that point. Get a copy of the code of conduct and if that child is breaking the code then she needs to be punished according to the guidelines. Let your daughter talk to an outside psychologist. I am not implying that she is the one with the problem BUT the psycholoist can give an unbiased opinion to the superintendent. Basically the schools just don't want to get involved. Go to your meeting with a written agenda so they don't talk you in circles. Have a possible solution to refer to. If you have a written document to refer to, it will keep you focussed on the problem at hand. You have to be strategic & not emotional. The school is not doing you a favor! Our tax money pays for your childs education.

Susan - posted on 03/17/2009




Enroll her in a karate class.... Not only will it give her some skills, it will also help her self esteem.

Jemima - posted on 03/17/2009




Perhaps you could speak to the parents of the children who are bullying her? They should be able to do something. Does your daughter have any friends at school to support her?

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