Teenage Daughter :/

Jamie - posted on 02/11/2011 ( 3 moms have responded )




I have a 16 year old who thinks she knows it all and by far not ready for whats too come after she is 18 ... Disrespectful and rude IDK what too do :( She says she hates me and wishes she didnt live there ... I have done the best I can for her but not good enough for her EVER :(


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Laura - posted on 02/11/2011




Of course she thinks she knows it all--she's 16! That is the most common attitude of being a teenager. Barring any school or legal problems, your daughter sounds like a pretty typical 16 year old girl. They CAN be dealt with!

First of all, do NOT take what she says to you personally! She is trying to push your buttons and the quickest and easiest way for a child to do that is by saying they "hate" you! And it sounds like it's working for her--you've taken her comments personally. Simply respond that that's okay and that YOU still love her. That disarms them rather quickly and usually leaves them speechless! ; )

Next, understand that the teenage years are about learning to separate from parents. The easiest way to distance yourself from something is to not like it! So it is not uncommon for teens to find faults and problems with their parents and focus on those negatives. The more they dislike you, the easier it is for them to separate from you. This is especially problematic if the teen feels they are still treated like a young child. The unavoidable truth is that 16 year old girls are actually young women! The good news, however, is that generally teens re-connect with parents after these rough times, often with a stronger bond.

With that understanding in mind, you do NOT have to put up with rude, disrespectful behavior! You wouldn't tolerate it from an adult and you certainly shouldn't from a teenager! You are the parent, not her BFF, and need to set the limits and create structure for her at home. Let her know in no uncertain terms that her behavior will not be tolerated. If she is wanting to be treated like an adult then she should start acting like one. Adults generally are respectful with one another. Communicate your expectations for her behavior, including consequences (punishments) for not following them. If she has access to a vehicle, that would be the first privelege to go for not meeting behavioral expectations! As much as teens complain about lack of "freedom", they do actually need structure and rules to guide them.

Finally, as a minor she is still under your care, even though she may think otherwise. Remind her of this if you have to. You, as the parent, are responsible for her safety and care until she is 18. If the problems at home are too great or her behavior and choices jeopardize her safety and security, then do not hesitate to seek professional help! A therapist trained in adolescent behavior can help your daughter learn better coping skills and appropriate ways to express her emotions. You can ask your doctor for a referal or contact your local hospital or mental health fascility for information. Hang in there, your daughter is growing into a young woman and the journey can be difficult at times. Stay positive! Hope this helps and best of luck to you!

Louise - posted on 02/11/2011




This is hormones talking and a need on your daughters behalf to be an adult. At 16 she is neither a child or a woman and finding her place in society is hard. Just ignore the behaviour she will come to her sences eventually and will probably will feel mortified she has treated you so badly. If she is unapproachable then write her a letter telling her that you love her very much and that you will always be here for her to come and talk to and see what responce you get. But believe me I have been through this stage twice it does blow over and things do get much much better.

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