Teenagers

User - posted on 12/16/2008 ( 15 moms have responded )

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I have four teenagers and they don't seem to get along much anymore they are always fighing over stupid things and they always bring up past issues...any team building ideas?

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User - posted on 12/26/2008

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I have identical twin girls who are 15 1/2. They have their own bedrooms and their own space. They can be absolutely awful to one another, calling each other the most revolting names, etc...Sometimes they drive me nuts. I don't want to take sides, but sometimes you have to step in and put them right. The one twin is always accusing us of favouring her sister, which really hurts. (We definately do not favour one over the other!) Does anybody else have this problem, and how do you deal with it?

Lynn - posted on 12/23/2008

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Hi Laurie,

I am a mother of 3 boys and 3 girls, all pretty close in age. Now I'm a grandma. I worried like you when they all seemed to be so different, always bickering and arguing. My best advice is not to overworry. Try NOT to get involved in every little bicker. Allow them space to argue (and grow). They are finding their feet in life and adulthood, and I absolutely guarantee they will end up the best of friends. Big hugs, Lynn

Nicki - posted on 12/22/2008

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I am the mother of three teens and I thought only mine fought daily and didn't get along... My two girls share a room and are three years apart and are constantly bickering and screaming at one another. I was raised only child and never experienced the brother/sister feuds. Everyone around me says this sibling bickering is normal. I only pray that as adults, they can form a more loving, less hostile relationship and be the best friends that they just don't realize yet that they are:)

User - posted on 12/19/2008

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I have four kids ... 10, 17, 21 & 21. The older kids fought a lot and were good friends. Of course, we notice the fights more than the other.

A bunch of it has to do with them figuring out who they are, and aren't. And some of it just has to do with the space. I tried to let them do as much on their own or out of the house with friends as I could. And some things, I just put off limits: no fighting over who sits in the front seat of the car - the biggest kids does because of the airbag.

Hang in there - it's just getting good!

Patty - posted on 12/17/2008

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I have two teenagers. 18 and 14, boy and girl. they used to fight like crazy. I thought for sure they hated each other. Now its like they are best friends. My son protects my daughter at school now that they are both in high school and their relationship is amazing. They still have their moments but there seems to be a respect there for each other now. Keep the faith!!!!

User - posted on 12/17/2008

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Wow! I'm so relieved to hear these honest accounts of surviving the tough teenage years with siblings....thanks for being so honest. I won't give up hope now, seriously--this support is tremendous.

Anna - posted on 12/17/2008

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my brother and I are 3 years apart and oh my lord we had fists flyin many times - sometimes even blood was flyin - it is now 20 years later and he and I are closer than we are with our older siblings - have hope mom they will out grow this - I have 5 kids three of which are all almost teens - they do the same as me and my brother - so I am pretty sure this is NORMAL.good luck

Jackie - posted on 12/17/2008

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My brother 20 months apart and I fought worse than cats and dogs. And there are times I sent him to the hospital for stitches. Yet I always had his back. My mom got fed up of us always fighting to a point where she put two shovels in the back yard gave us each a butcher knife and told us to bury ourselves when we were done. (We both looked at her as if she was crazy). We did grow out of it. And I thank good for that because my bother is no longer with me. There are times I wished I was a nicer to him and I miss him however I loved him very much. Hopefully they grow out it sooner than later. Because you never now you may not get a second chance. I was lucky enough to tell him that I love him before he passed at the age of 27.

Crystal - posted on 12/17/2008

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I have 3 teenagers, and their relationships have changed over the last few years. It really is hard to predict how they will interact with each other. For the most part, I try to let them resolve their own issues, but I will step in when things get abusive. The most challenging relationship is between the oldest and youngest. They absolutely love each other, but they really do rub each other raw. It's a lot like a love-hate relationship. Wish I had some pearls of wisdom to offer. My brother and I were very hard on each othe growing up, but we are good friends now. We can only hope it will be the same for our kids!

User - posted on 12/16/2008

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Hi Laurie, I'm sure this is stressful for you. I'm the youngest of five, and we are all 2 years or less apart. How my parents dealt with us, I will never know. Wow, in our teenage years, we fought like mad! Broken items in the house were a common occurrence. Anyway, going away to college seemed to bring us all close again. I would never have guessed that we would all end up in each others wedding parties. That's how close we are now. Although none of us live together, we talk almost daily and have dinner once a week. With that said, there's hope!

As for team building ideas, you might try bringing your family to one of those parks with the obstacle courses. You know, the ones where they have ziplines, etc. It encourages them to work together, face their fears together, and have fun together. Here's an idea of what I'm talking about: http://www.treetopadventures.ca/park.htm...

Also, maybe try volunteering at a local shelter as a family. The whole idea is to bring the family together through helping others. Seeing others in an unfortunate and sometimes even desperate position opens our eyes and helps us to appreciate what we have (each other).

Hope that helps! Good luck! :)

User - posted on 12/16/2008

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Thank you all for sending me hope! That alone is valuable....and gives me strength.

Heather - posted on 12/16/2008

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My story is very similar to Amie's post. My brother and I are thirteen months apart and our younger sister is four years younger than me. When we were in high school we spent a good majority of time fighting like cats and dogs. Many things were broken and thrown though thankfully we never actually did real damage to ourselves. Its a really hard time in life and sometimes sibling fight. I wish I could tell you there is a quick fix but I think for most kids its a part of life.

On the brighter side, by the time I graduated from college my sister and I had become great friends, and although it took a bit longer I am very tight with my brother as well. Good Luck I hope they work it out soon.

Amie - posted on 12/16/2008

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Your welcome, maybe another mom has some advice that would help but I just wanted you to know you're not the only mom that had to go through it. My mom blames her grey hair on us. lol!!

User - posted on 12/16/2008

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Hi Arnie....sounds kinda familiar! They are so quick to hate lately....I'm glad to hear that you've grown out of it!! Thanks for taking the time to share your story.

Amie - posted on 12/16/2008

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My oldest brother and I were the same way. We're 14 months apart, our other two siblings are now teenagers and going through the same thing. We're a pretty rowdy bunch though, my brother was the first person to ever split my lip open, he also threw me into a wall once, he threw me hard enough to that I got up and broke a pool cue across his back. Ya, we were not nice to each other at all and I'm sure someone is going to read this and go wth why did your parents not stop it? Well they tried, they really did but no matter what they did it didn't help. We had our different clicks of friends and it was just annoying to have each other around. We grew out of it though, my oldest brother now lives with me, he rents my hubby's and I basement from us and we get along fine. Once the whole high school drama was behind us it got a lot easier. But even through all our fighting there was one thing we always knew, we could count on each other and did love each other. There was no one who ran to my rescue more than my brother did, he could treat me like crap but heaven help anyone else that tried to. =) I don't have advice obviously but they might grow out of it as they get older as we did.

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