Temper Tantrum Galore!

Amber - posted on 10/06/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )




Rafe has recently decided that temper tantrums are the easiest way to get what he wants and if I don't give into him he throws himself down and bangs his head on the floor! What do I do??? Please someone tell me this is normal


Schyla - posted on 10/06/2010




well how old is he? tantrums are pretty normal for 18months to 3 and half. I have an almost 3 and an almost 5 My 5 year old is the Queen of tantrums and is old enough to understand that her behaivor isn't accebtable. when she throws a tantrum we calmly say would you like to try that again? (example She came in this morning and demanded some hot chocolate He father calmly asked would you like to ask that again she said NO! so he rolled over and wouldn't respond till she asked nicely Now she wasn't happy about being ignored but she fussed for about two minutes and then asked Daddy can I have some hot chocolate please.) THIS took us years to accomplish When My almost 3 year old has a tantrum we first make sure she's not in harms way and then we walk away. yes it's hard but a tantrum like you describe is a way to get your attention and if you respond in any form your reinforcing a negative behavior. If your little ones old enough to understand once he's calm explain to him how to politely ask for the things he wants and make sure that when he asks nicely you praise him for it. If your son isn't old enough to understand then wait till he's finished and then get down on his level (and be prepared to repeat and often ) you are a big boy. when you need something you need to ask me nicely. and if I say no then throwing a fit isn't going to change my mind. I talked to a behaviorist when my oldest tantrums would last for more then a few minutes. (she has some developmental delays and this is one of them we've been addressing) I hope this helps. I know it worked for us with both of our kids.

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Amanda - posted on 09/05/2012




Don't let him throw the tantrum. That's just teaching him that's ok. We have a few tricks that we use for our boys. Hold him by his shoulder(close to the neck), just kinda pinch him there(not too hard). Hold him by his elbow, just a little farther up, and punch a bit. Spanking is a last resort, but yes, we do. If he's throwing a tantrum, go to him and do one of those. Say to him, stop(or whatever), make sure you are calm, but assertive. If he doesn't listen, go a little harder until he listens. We only tell our kids once, just once. If they don't listen, that's what happens with a little chat. Now, here's the thing. For every 1 time you do this to them, praise them 10 times! By disciplining them, they learn to respect you and authority. By praising them, they will learn that when they do something good, mommy and daddy are happy and like it and they will listen and be more helpful. We learned all this from one our mentors. Started today, wow, never thought I could see such results! It's not perfect yet, but with consistency and lots of love it will work! Play with your kids! That's another reward for them, and they also deserve it, show them you love them, constantly. Snuggle and tell them how much you live them, it's what they crave! There was something else I was going to say, but can't remember :p if I remember, I'll come back. Good luck! It's very tough. I have a 2 and 4 year old, it takes work!

Rhonda - posted on 10/07/2010




Oh it's normal alright but the problem is that you give in to the wants. Let him throw himself and cry galore! you stay strong and ignore it and I guarantee you in just a few days he will know that it's not working any more.

Dora - posted on 10/07/2010




I would recommend distracting him. My son is now going through the phase at 2 1/2yrs old. Whenever he starts to throw a fit I immediately get him to concentrate on something else unless he forgets what he was throwing a fit about. So far it has worked everytime. I haven't had to yell at him or raise my voice. I just don't agree with ignoring a child. I just never want my child to feel as if his mommy ignores him. I know I don't like being ignored myself so i can't imagine how he would feel at only 2 1/2yrs old. As he starts to understand more then I will slowly start the time outs and explaining to him why he got the time out and what he can do to avoid it next time. For now he is still young and by distracting him it reolves the problem a lot quicker and he doesn't get what he wants.

Amber - posted on 10/07/2010




Thanks ladies! rafes only a year old which is why I was soooooo confused but I'm definetely going to take alot of these tactics and start teaching him now so we can be more prepared for later! Thank you all again!

Tracy - posted on 10/06/2010




We have a rule: you can have as big a hissy as you please. In your room with the door closed. My almost 4 yr old will get mad, state "I go pout in my woom", stomp off to her room, scream for a while, then she may or may not come back out. usually she ends up playing with something instead. She's welcome to come out, just no tantrums. If she needs to talk about something, then of course we'll be happy to listen.

[deleted account]

I completely ignored my son's tantrums and he soon learned that it wasn't getting him his way so he stopped. He also learned that banging his head on the floor didn't feel very good so he stopped that too. It's very normal for toddlers to go through a tantrum stage.

Denikka - posted on 10/06/2010




I fully endorse the ignore tactic.
My son is 18 months. The ONLY times I allow a little bit of leeway is if the tantrum is my fault (he's hungry/tired/not feeling good etc) And even then, only a tiny bit.
I have absolutely no patience or sympathy for an *I want* tantrum (child is being demanding, wants something, not getting their way etc)
But there IS another type of tantrum, and those are actually GOOD for the child. I call them *frustration* tantrums. They usually happen when a child can't figure out how to do something. A tantrum in that situation actually is good for the child, it clears away the brain fog and frustration and allows the child to come up with a new tactic for problem solving. It's basically a mental reboot.

So first, I would figure out what kind of tantrum the child is having. *I want* tantrums, I completely ignore. I will pick up my son and place him on the bed (mattress on the floor so he can't fall off) and I will walk away and leave him there. When he's done, he'll come over to me, and if he's been demanding, I'll tell him he needs to ask nicely. If it's something I've said flat out no to, then I don't say anything about it and usually he'll be distracted by something else.
With a *frustration* tantrum, I will stay close, but not touching, and sooth verbally. Tell him I love him, etc. The when he's done, he's usually much happier and can go on with his activity.

Tantrums are normal. Actually they're pretty normal for any age. Think about it. Have you ever been frustrated and wanted to punch something? Or scream into a pillow? I'm guessing yes. That's another version of a temper tantrum. Just as an adult, we've found better ways to deal with it instead of going into meltdown mode. Let your child know that it's okay to feel the way he/she is feeling (angry, sad, frustrated etc) but what's NOT okay is how they are dealing with it.
Give your child other options for dealing with those negative emotions (I've always been a fan of screaming into and punching pillows)

Alison - posted on 10/06/2010




Yup. It's normal don't freak out. He is expressing his frustration and making a final attempt at getting what he wants. Leave him alone until he stops, then tell him you understand he is frustrated, but...

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