the father of my children shown them how to put there hand through the flame of a lighter

Katie - posted on 04/04/2011 ( 7 moms have responded )




i have a 6 and a 4 yr old and they go to there dads house at weekend and my eldest came and told me there dad shown how to put there hand through the flame of a lighter and let them both have a go but i tell not touch lighter coz there can cause a fire where as thee r lettin them with it i dont no how to go about i am so worried about there safety being at there dads house plz help me


Audrey - posted on 04/04/2011




I would document everything the children tell you and talk to CPS if you feel the safety of your children are in jepordy due to their father. I don't have any experiance in this matter, but as a mother I would do whatever is possible to keep my children safe. Maybe you can seek advice from a professional service like cps and see what they suggest.

JuLeah - posted on 04/05/2011




My dad showed me how to do that .... teach them to use their own thinkers in situations like this. All of their lives they will have people wanting to teach them something .... teach them how to handle such situations .... teach em it is okay to say no if they fell funny about doing it .... teach them how to tell another adult if their 'no' is not respected ... you can't change him, so give them tools and skills

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Kay - posted on 01/30/2012




Did he let then hold the lighter or did he hold it? Did he talk to them and let them know that only grown ups should hold anything that has to do with fire?

I know it sounds crazy, but my dad did the same with us, and my fiancé has shown the trick to my five year old, although he has never allowed him to do it himself.

I would definitely talk to your ex about your feelings, and let him know that it made you uncomfortable, but honestly, if you make a huge deal out of this, you will likely only make your ex hostile and upset your children.

Now if there are other behaviors that you consider unsafe, in top of this, then yea, I would make a big deal out of it.

Good luck!

Jesse - posted on 01/30/2012




That honestly is really dangerous! the main reason for house fires are from children playing with matches and lighters! it might seem like a tiny ting at the moment but life's can be lost in the end! make sure your children know the dangers and make sure that lighters are strongly banned at your house, try to talk with dad also... Hmm

Elfrieda - posted on 04/05/2011




Can they work the lighter themselves, or do they do it only when Dad is holding the lighter?
I don't know if this is really a big deal. Dads always teach their kids stuff that moms don't want to know about. Make sure you stress fire safety, what to do if there is a fire, tell them horror stories about a little boy who played with fire and then one day.... etc. If they know more about fire and how it's dangerous and how to be safe, I think they'll be fine.

Emily - posted on 04/05/2011




What kind of communication do you have with the father? I would just talk to him and be honest about your concerns. They are way too young to be able to be safe around flames or fires. If you're truly worried about their safety, that is something to contact authorities about.

Bonnie - posted on 04/05/2011




Yikes! I would be pissed. By him teaching your children this, he is basically telling them it is okay to play with lighters and fire in general. I would talk with him first and tell him how uncomfortable this is making you feel.

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