Tough Love Parenting, does it really is it real?

[deleted account] ( 11 moms have responded )

What are your feeling on tough love parenting? What does it mean and does it really work?


Louise - posted on 01/19/2011




I think a child as young as two understands feelings and emotions and an example of this is a child that continually whinges is more likely to stop if you are sharp with them rather than molly coddle them. I think if you get the balance right with love and effection and the occasional tough love then you will have a happy family that works. I have older children nearly 20 and 16 and a toddler of 2 and I have learnt that relationships change and you have to let your older children learn from there own mistakes. You can guide them with your thoughts but at the end of the day they have to live with there own mistakes. This is a hard lesson for a mother to learn.

Emily - posted on 01/19/2011




Personally I hate that term. Love is love. No need to put further value judgments on it. Obviously being a parent means enforcing rules and boundaries. I don't think that means your love is "tough" though. I think some people use that term to justify being an ass to their kids. But I guess everybody probably has a different definition.

Crystal - posted on 01/19/2011




to me it means I'm not here to be there friend but a parent. So if it means I have to say no or take everything away so be it. Because when they grow up I want them to be somebuddy not some poor excusse of a life.

Codie - posted on 01/18/2011




i think tough love parenting only involves children old evough to understand that what they are doing is wrong and they keep doing it because they either think its funny or they're consequences don't bother them.
like when you have a 5+ year old child who decides they don't want to eat just because. tough love parenting in that situation would be putting dinner in the fridge and getting it out at every meal until they realize that they have to eat.

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Leanna - posted on 11/27/2011




I think tough love is basically abuse. Kids should be able to have freedom with a little responsibility but not restriction. A kid who is given tough love could turn on you and give you shit later in life.

Dora - posted on 01/19/2011




I definitely agree with Emily. Tough Love is a horrible term. You can be an extremely lovable, nurturing parent and discipline your child at the same time. In my eyes being mean to your child is never acceptable, you can discipline with love. Depending on the age of the child you have to adjust how you speak to them and how you explain things to them. Children go through different stages as they grow and learn and that is completely normal. A lot of it has to do with communicating with your child. I mean lots of communicating. That is the way to get through to your child and also earn their trust. Just remember respect goes both ways. Just because they are much younger does NOT mean they don't deserve respect. Also always put yourself in their shoes and think how you would want the situation to be addressed.

Kathy - posted on 01/19/2011




Not sure how you define tough love parenting but if you mean setting rules and consequences then following through-then yes, I am all for it and can attest that it is very affective. It is not easy and frustrating as hell but having boundaries is necessary. We have have boundaries even as adults-they are called laws. Children need to learn to respect them and accept the consequences when they cross them. What your rules and consequences are in your home is up to you but ours are the basic be nice to each other and do as you are asked. The consequences change as the kids get older and different punishments work better or worse. The teen girl-no ipod, the 8yr old boy, no psp. Fun times!

Melissa - posted on 01/19/2011




you have to be tough or your kids walk all over you. Dont ask them tell them (best advice Ive ever gotten from my kids daycare lady) talk to them tell them nicely then I get tough and start yelling and at the end of it if shes still messing up I will smack. My daughters pretty well behaved all in all. I dont tolerate being told no, not doing what shes asked or whinging

Alecia - posted on 01/19/2011




to me tough love is something u pull out if needed, not the way to parent all the time. different ages and situations call for different reactions. a situation, for example, to use tough love would be when ur 22 yr old didnt graduate highschool or get his GED, doesnt have a job, and then gets drunk and trashes the house and is disrespectul (yup, i know someone like that)...thats when u say "get ur shit together or ill do it for u and throw it out." thats tough love but needed...there are some people who i wish would do that cuz i can say that if any of my kids did that, id give them a sift kick in the ass and a relality check. it does no good to be an enabler. but a toddler who is just misbehaving needs a little displine or some redirection. if ur child is hurt (emotionally or physically) then u love and reassure them. but i strongly feel sometimes u NEED to use tough love.

Jen - posted on 01/19/2011




i have a two year old n if his doing sumthing wrong i say nicely please stop and if he doesnt listen. i say does mommy need to use her big voice aka me shouting stop it he says no n i say okay stop what your doing so sometimes tough love is needed other times a quiet calm voice works. i would never grab him or smack him tough love i couldnt do tht to my child if he doenst listen after i use my big voice he goes in time out n then says sorry n all is okay after that.

Jodi - posted on 01/18/2011




Depends what you mean by tough love. Sometimes kids need it, other times they nned our help and nurturing. I don't think there is any one answer to such a broad question.

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