Trouble with unfit baby's father HELP!!!!!!

Alisha Anne - posted on 09/26/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )




I have a four year old son and I was in an abusive relationship with his father for 6 years. When I was in labor with my son they had to go and look for him to bring him to the hospital. When I brought my son home he immediatley wanted to start bringing him out around everyone. After that he began to neglect my son and not want to take care of him properly. He used to attack me in front of my son and my daughter who is now 8 years old. He would yell at my son and tell me things like get another man to take care of him. wouldnt be there for him when he was sick. He also hit me in my stomach when i was pregnant with my son and told me that he never wanted the baby inside of me anyway. After that we broke up for two years and in those two years he never reached out to me about our son when I would reach out the him he would call me bad names and ignore me at times. then I gave him a chance to see my son after having him put on child support. He is supposed to pay me $251.00 a month in child support because he does not have a job at all. He was recently robbed and attacked...and he had this huge cut in his head. He got upset because I wouldnt let him take the baby because of the type of lifestyle he lives. So what I told him is that he should just go on with his life and that i accept this as a loss because it is best if I continue to raise our son alone without him because it is way too stressful dealing with him for my son and its his lifestyle and the way that he is as to why I dont allow him to get our son. Its like it took having to put him on child support to get a response out of him. He is already $720.00 behind on child support. My question is am I wrong for taking a big step and raising my son alone and not allowing his father to be in his life?


Jodi - posted on 09/26/2012




Whether his father is in his life or not is not your decision to make. Sure, you can refuse to allow it, based purely on your judgement of a man you dislike, but he also has the right to take you to court for refusing to allow him visitation. Just be aware of that.

Secondly, be aware of the fact that if YOU are the one who refuses to allow him into your son's life, if your son, later on when he is older, is angry about that, you need to accept that the decision was yours.

Let's face it, many women have exes who are absolute pigs to them, and who they can't stand. But that is not reason enough to put a stop to visitation. Child support (or lack thereof) is also not a sufficient reason. Just remember, when you make your decision, that you are denying your child a relationship with his father. You are denying your child that choice.

Now, if his father can't be bothered making any effort, and never contacts you for visitation, that's different. You can't FORCE him to see his son, but you can leave the door open for him. By doing it this way, later in life, your son will recognise that you always kept the door open, the options were there, his dad just chose not to exercise them.

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