Vasectomy or Not?

Karla - posted on 10/26/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )




Hello moms out their i need some advice or just anyone that will listen so i am 23 and my husband is 25 we have a beautiful amazing 4 year old son, we have been married for 5 years this december and we have been talking a lot about having or not having another baby our finances are not in the best place right now i got laid of we had some emergencies that made us use all of our savings and ended back up at the in laws home we have a lot of debt schools loans and other stuff he has a good job but we can not afford another baby and now we dont know if we should even consider having Another baby ever. i want one more but he doesn't want another i completely understand because is though for us with only 1 and with no help from any one we have also done everything on our own since the beginning we havent even had a date in 4 years because of the same reason. and my husband wants to get a vasectomy im so heart broken but then again i say to my self im lucky i even had 1 child which a lot of women cant even have that opportunity but i cant help but to get sad i dont want to force my husband to have another baby i already have the mirena IUD and next year is my last year what should i do? will our marriage be the same? will i be the same? will my son feel lonely? i need advice from moms who have an only child or are a only child im going crazy i know im still young i want to finish medical school and be able to give my son what he needs and help us out but i dont want to wait 7 more years for another to start all over i want another baby HELP.


Michelle - posted on 10/26/2013




I 100% agree with what Jodi has said.
You are far too young to make this permanent decision.
I'm the same as Jodi, I met my 2nd husband, told him if he wanted children of his own to find someone else! Needless to say we now have a 3.5yo daughter together.
Just because you can't afford another child now doesn't mean that is 5-10 years you will be in the same position. I have a 6 year age gap between my 2nd and 3rd and that was because of my 1st marriage breaking down and remarrying.
When you are due to have your IUD replaced then get that done instead of having your husband get a vasectomy.

Jodi - posted on 10/26/2013




I think you guys are way too young to be making such a permanent decision. And it is likely to be permanent. Only 50% of reversals are successful, and even then, the rate is lower more than 3 years after the vasectomy. It is also very expensive to revers, from my understanding. So making this choice without the view that it is permanent would be a mistake.

Your comment that "i want one more but he doesn't want another" tells me that you aren't ready to make this decision. The fact that you are 23 and 25 and can't afford it now doesn't mean that ten years from now you won't decide to start again. You don't know what life will bring. Do you really want to make a decision like this that you could regret? Just as an example, when I was your age, I married my first husband. We had a baby.....and then we divorced by the time I was 30. I remarried and my husband and I had a child. I had been quite happy to only have the one....until I remarried and we decided to have a child together.

I'm not suggesting you will split with your husband, by any means, I am making the point that life is unpredictable, and the way you feel about this may change. You are both so young. You won't always necessarily be struggling financially. You may not always feel the way you do now about everything. If I were in your shoes, I would wait for such a permanent decision.


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