want a baby but feel so scared to go through labor......what should i do?

Intan - posted on 07/06/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )




i am 29 years old and i love kids so much...i love looking at kids, and i think child is the most beautifull gift in the world..i always dream of having my own family but a problem is, i feel so scared to go through labor process...whether it is vaginal delivery or caesarean delivery...when it comes to normal delivery, i fear about the fear of tear during vaginal delivery, i fear the episiotomy process which is needed to help the baby out from the vagina..plus all the stories about using tools such as forceps and vacuum to help deliver a child if the mother unable to push anymore..i fear the stiching process but i seriously want to have a baby..for caesarean it seems easier, but people around me doesn't recommend caesarean section because they said it is harder to heal than normal vaginal delivery...what should i do? am i normal? i did try to educate myself to lessen my fear...but the outcome is i think i feel more scared than before, especially when i read or hear anything about pregnancy or birth complications..i do not know why i am so negative about pregnancy and birth process but i am positive about other things in life...please help me..the crave of having kids is unbearable, but when thinking what i should go through, i always back off and couldn't make my mind about the decision to have kids..i wish i could have at least 3 children...


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Luludi - posted on 07/06/2013




If you love babies so much, just give it a go, it is really worth it. I was very afraid too, I've always thought " either epidural anesthesia or no kids". Then, during my first pregnancy I attended a course (the classic courses of preparation before giving birth) and it was so good I was rather eager to try and do it without any artificial help. Well, I remember that during labor I thought " next time you won't cheat me. Either epidural or no little brothers!" And during my second labor I kept crying " I can't do it. I can't stand it!" And both times there was no epidural. But do you know what? I have to remember this to say "it must have hurt" because otherwise I wouldn't remember the pain at all. Really, after few days I would have done it again. Now when I see pregnant women I almost envy them for their state and also for the emotion of giving birth. I must say I was rather lucky, they said I had quite easy births, they gave me only four stitches the first time and two the second. However, stitches feel like some annoying flies while you have your child in your arms for the first time! You hardly notice they are stitching...they told me sth in the meantime, some information I think, I didn't care or hear anything!!
I would just give you some advice: avoid morbid, over detailed information (I was horrified when I was adolescent by a book I found at home with pictures of a birth...you really don't need to know how your vagina will look like in that moment!). But attend a course where they give you the detailed information that you need. Actually knowing what to expect and what you're supposed to do in every moment is great help. And professional people really know how to encourage you. On the contrary the DIY info in the net can be really bad sometimes...it risked to spoil the joy of my first pregnancy, reading of all the possible diseases and malformations my baby could suffer, the complications of giving birth, etc.
Don't give up,please. Before my pregnancies I would have gladly exchanged roles with my husband and given him the task of childbearing. Now I would never give up such sensations, never! And I am sorry for men who will never feel what we can feel.
Let us know! Good luck

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Labor is scary, but it's not as bad as it sounds. You are numb for the tearing and stitching, if it is even needed at all--many women deliver successfully with no tearing, but even if you do tear, you won't feel any of that. I was afraid of that too--in fact, I was more afraid of the pain of tearing and stretching than I was of the actual contractions! I did tear just a bit, and they stitched it up, but I didn't feel any of it.

If you cannot get past this fear, talk to a psychologist who can help you cope. Or consider adoption. There are so many children in the system right now (in the US anyway) who need a mother to love them. Maybe you are the perfect candidate for them. You are right, a child is a mother's most precious gift, but to a child without a mother, a mother is the most precious gift on earth--you both receive this amazing gift.

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