Want sex but not with spouse

Jenny - posted on 09/05/2016 ( 2 moms have responded )




I've been married to my husband nearly five years. After the wedding he literally said he had been faking who he was...he was right, he was pretending to be nice. However, I was pregnant within a month after we married and I thought I should try to make it work. I went to counseling (he refused), attempted to speak to him about concerns, etc. However he has been stubborn and emotionally and mentally cruel. Eventually I stopped being attracted to him (about a year in) then I stopped liking and loving him. Pregnant with our second I opted to separate rather than let this person drive me crazy. However, family and my therapist advised me to stay with him until after the baby is a few months old so he could help watch our 3 yr old. I listened to them, despite feeling like it was a bad idea. Anyhow, the hubby has recently gotten worse (paranoia, insecurity, anger towards me, etc) and my family and therapist are getting to see his crazy firsthand. All this to give you context for what I'm about to say. I have craved affection and great sex many times over the past couple years just not with my husband. Yes, I have obviously had sex with my husband, that's been the only moral option but honestly he repulses me (I close my eyes and hope for it to be over quick). Eventually I stopped having sex with him (basically 7mths of this pregnancy). He's confused as to why I dont have sex with him (yes I have explained it to him, he refuses to believe he's the problem). I want sex, just not with my husband, any suggestions on how to use this sexual frustration productively (and no, I'm not into masturbation, I want sex with a human)? Also, I know I'm basically screwed for the next year, I will be a mother of a toddler and newborn, so meeting a new guy and having sex isnt an option. I'm looking for coping strategies from other ladies in a sexless marriage.

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Michelle - posted on 09/06/2016




I agree with Jodi, no decent therapist would be telling you to stay with someone like that until after your baby is born.
You have family around, they can look after your toddler when you have the baby.
It just sounds like an excuse to stay even though you are giving all the reasons why you want to leave.
Since you won't leave your husband, all I can suggest is a vibrator. You don't know what you are missing out on if you've never tried it.

Jodi - posted on 09/05/2016




My advice? Find a new therapist. No therapist in their right mind would advise you to stay in a marriage like this. In fact, therapists don't give advice around these things - they are there to listen and provide options and support, but not marital advice.

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