Wanting marriage but being in a relationship with a man who doesn't.....

Danielle - posted on 07/26/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )




I hate this I've been in the same relationship for 8 years and am madly in love with my boyfriend and father of my children, at one point we agreed to get married but then we had some problem and became unsure so I had gotten the deposits back on everything and he said he would never try and marry me again. I started to think that maybe our relationship isn't so great if I want something and he isn't welling to give it to me but then again what if I leave this relationship and end up just as unhappy with everything. Our relationship is awesome so should I really get upset over a piece of paper?? My mom tells me not to mess up something I know makes me happy and she loves my boyfriend anyway, my sister tells me if I'm unhappy with knowing I can never get married then maybe I should move on but I have to realize I'm losing what I have and going out blind. Well now I'm just rambling so any advice would be great, thanks for your time.

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Felicity - posted on 07/26/2012




Hi Danielle,
I think it is very much a personal decision and what is right for some may not be right for another. My brother is married and I fully supported his decision and was involved and loved the day and respect his decision of marriage. On the other hand I have been in a faithful and loving relationship with my partner for the last 10 years, have 2 children and cannot see us getting married. Each person and relationship has their own reasons why the want/ don't want to get married. For our relationship the reasons why the marriage ceremony/piece of paper are not important are:
1. A piece of paper won't hold you together. If you don't want to be with someone, the marriage certificate will not stop someone from leaving. Both my parents and two aunties and my partner's previous marriage are evidence of this. Only love and respect can hold you together.

2. In Australia a defacto couple has the same rights as a married couple

3. The money that it could potentially cost could go to a beautiful family holiday for all of us. I lnow there are inexpensive options but for me I wouldn't want these for me.

4. I am Cheistian and he is Muslim and for me, if I was to get married i would want to get married in a church (a promise before God) which couldn't really happen whilst both respect our own cultures and religions.

As you can see, there are different reasons whilst people don't feel the need to get married. If it is important to you, i would suggest sitting down calmly with your boyfriend and asking him why he doesn't want to get married and explain why it is important for you. After that chat you may have a clearer idea of what you would like to do.

Danielle - posted on 07/26/2012




Well my first kid came after being together for only 7 months it was a very big shock since I was on the pill at the time, and only 17. I never thought I would want to be married because my parents got together young had my sister and got pregnant with me while being very happy but when they married things changed and ruined it they divorced a few years later. But now that I know relationships can be happy I want to try the marriage thing, my kids question why our names don't match and I tell them the truth (we have my last name, their dads last name and they have a combo of mine and his) See marriage isn't important as much as it's something I want to experience.

Dove - posted on 07/26/2012




I'm a big believer in marriage, but in my life the marriage comes before the living together and having children part since it's THAT important to me.

IMO.... you've been with him for 8 years, living with him, having babies, and NOT being married.... why would you destroy the relationship you have and turn your children's lives upside down for a piece of paper. If the paper was THAT important to you that you would leave the father of your children and turn their lives upside down over it then it should've come first... or at least a lot earlier on.

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