Terra - posted on 09/16/2009 ( 23 moms have responded )
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OK. So my sister in law drops her almost 4 yr old off at my mom-in-laws every M-F. And every afternoon because my in-laws own the farm we live on; my mom-in-law obviously brings my nephew with her. That's not the problem, the problem is that when he comes over and if he come's in the house he almost always breaks something, on purpose out of anger or what i don't know ( ihave a 1 and 3 yr old he plays with) first an ornament very special to my husband and i that he actually had to climb onthe back of the sofa for and reach up to grab, another time a CD rack he dumped all the CDS off and then jumped on. Most recently out in our machine shed he hooked a big think tow chain to the ladder of one of our tractors andhooked it to the axel of another tractor and my husband didn't see this because when he got in the tractor and 4:45 am the machine shed is pitch black. well needless to say he started driving the tractor and pulled the steps RIGHT off the tractor. almost 10 hours of welding and work to fix....so that night i mentioned to his mother when she picked him up, and I did this very nicely and xplained i likewhen he comes and all but that he's been doing this stuff and he swears at u and calls you the b* word and stuff when you try to discipline him, and she just completly blew it off. And i know he drives my mom in law crazy too (we've discussed this at length) but I'm at the end of my rope, I don't know what to do....any advice
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Jodi - posted on 09/16/2009
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I would say, since it's your house, he needs to follow your rules. The best way to make that happen is YOU do the disciplining while he is there. But don't get caught up in everything he does that is bad, yes, discipline him for it, but don't forget to praise him for things he's done well. Encourage him to be good, don't just discourage him from being naughty. As for his mother, she needs to gain some control on her child or she will have some serious problems when he gets to school. Have your husband broach the subject with her, it'll be easier for her to listen if it's family. Good Luck!
Tanya - posted on 09/16/2009
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I think you were right to mention it, but what she does from there will be up to her and his father.. Has your mother in law said anything about his behavior to his mother or father? Is he behaving this was with her? I think since she is who is providing care for him it would do more good if she was to bring it up to them then for you to because they may see it as well your not careing for him so what does it matter as long as Mom in law don't have a problem then it's isn't a problem - ya know... Also they leave him in the care of your mother in law so at that time when he is "breaking things" around your home she is responsible for him.... She needs to be one to be handling the behavior at that time.. I hope you all can get it figured out, and maybe save some of your stuff. Good Luck
Tina - posted on 09/16/2009
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Ouch. First of all it sounds like this child has some issues that his mother needs to seriously address. Since you already tried that route explain to her that her son is not welcome in your home unless he is going to listen to you and your mother in law. ITS YOUR HOUSE. Regardless of who the child belongs to in my house you follow my rules. End of story. If not you don't get to play. Make him sit with you and your mother in law instead of playing with his cousins. Let them have snacks and games and not him. Let him see what they get and what he's not getting. It sounds cruel but it will send the message that these things are privileges. If he doesn't follow your house rules he doesn't get your house privileges. He definately should not be left anywhere in your home unsupervised until he learns to follow the rules. If he doesn't want to sit with you guys and runs off to cause more mayhem put him in a baby seat. Tell him its a baby seat and only big kids who behave themselves are allowed out of it. While he may throw a fit it won't hurt him. It will piss him off for a little while. What it all boils down to is this is one spoiled rotten brat, its going to take some extreme parenting to put him in his place. His mother has obviously let him think that he's the boss and you need to let him know that at your house your the boss. It won't be instant but it will eventually work. All else fails call super nanny on your sister in law.
Gina - posted on 09/16/2009
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You might talk to the mom-in-law a little more too. I know you said you've discussed that he drives her crazy too, but if she is bringing him into your house, she needs to be taking more responsibility to keep him from doing these things. And no, I don't think you were wrong to discuss it with her. Some parents just don't think their kids can do any wrong.
Kathy - posted on 09/16/2009
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sounds clearly like the mother is of no help to u. i would do 1 of 2 things: 1. ask her politly for him not to come over. or 2. tell her that if it continues that u will b punishing him while he is there. he clearly knows that his mother isnt goin to reprimand him for it, and since it is ur home u may need to go about it on ur own. as, if he does or breaks something, make him sit at the table for such and such odd minutes. or if its a toy, u could say: since the last time when u were here u broke.....and since u did that u will not b able to play w/any of the toys today. in that kind of fashion. u have to find some way to show him in ur own house that he isnt the boss there and that in ur house ppl take responsibility for their actions and have to abide by certain rules and concequences.