We all make mistakes

Diane - posted on 01/19/2013 ( 6 moms have responded )




I'm not using real names here. We all make mistakes and I've made a huge one! In 2011 I broke up with a married man Jay i was seeing, tried getting back with an ex boyfriend Walter, and ended up sleeping with a 2nd cousin Tommy. Well needless to say I found out in July that I was pregnant. At first Tommy said he was fixed not to worry, that's also why he didn't use a condom. Well half way through he calls me drunk and tells me he lied that he really isn't fixed, I freaked out and started talking to my cousin Silas. Well he calmed me down to where I stopped thinking "what if's", that my life couldn't be that messed up that my cousin would turn out to be my sons dad. Well I had my son and got Walter tested he came back as not the father, then I had Jay tested and was shocked to learn he wasn't the father! After Jay's test came back i talked to a friend Ricky who said we may have had sex but I honestly didn't think we did. But I didn't want to deal with Tommy being the father right then so I got Ricky tested, of course he came back as not the father. Well I was finally faced with the horrible truth! I was devastated, depressed, I didn't know what to do. I called Tommy and told him he was a father again, after 30+yrs. Tommy is about 20yrs older then me, married, and they have 1 child who is a yr younger then me. Tommy came over one day to talk he looked at the baby who was about 6 months then said "he don't look nothing like me he ain't mine, lets have sex" I told him " isn't the fact we have one kid and fucked up everybody's lives enough I'm not doing it again". That was in August 2012 I thought long and hard about what to do. Do I raise my son and let the truth come out on its own? Since our son looked like him it was going to come out. Yes hes my cousin but the baby has no reason to look like that side of the family. Or do I get a dna test and the state goes after him for child support. If I do go for the dna test do I wait until after the holidays or just do it and not care about holidays? Well I finally decided and sent in the request for dna test. The day he got the papers for the appointment he called me up begging me to cancel it, since hi and the wife were already fighting see she got the mail that day! He told her that he had no clue why I was doing the dna test that I must be pissed at him for some reason. Well he did the test he IS my sons father, and we have child support hearing this week. I am still upset over my part in this whole mess.


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Diane - posted on 01/20/2013




Unfortunately we are blood I have talked to my sons dr and he said hes fine. It's more common for birth defects with first cousins, not second. Not really sure why I was with him. I know he kept asking me for it i said no numerous times, he must have just caught me having a bad day.

Lacye - posted on 01/20/2013




Yes, everybody makes mistakes but honey all you did was make your own real life soap opera. Wow. Umm....... I'm not sure what to say really. Good luck with your case?

Can you at least tell me why you would have sex with your cousin? I understand that this is a private thing, but you do realize the risks of having sex with a family member, right? Even if it's only a second cousin, there can be some damage done, maybe not with your child but with your son's children or a later generation. Which brings up the next thing I want to say, please tell me that you are not actually blood related to this person and in fact, the father of your child is related to you by marriage.

Denikka - posted on 01/20/2013




Yes, we all make mistakes, but the important thing is that we learn from them.
In this situation, I would seriously re-evaluate your relationships with men. They don't sound at all healthy. And having *possibly* had sex with someone and potentially not remembering, I would also re evaluate your practices there as well. And it's generally a good practice to stay away from married men, no matter what they say (oh, I'm separated, oh, we're not in love any more, oh I'm GOING to get a divorce) until the divorce is completely finalized. Lot less heart ache there.

It's good to own up to your mistakes, although in this case, you didn't have much choice if the baby looks like the guy. But all the owning up in the world, all the admitting, isn't going to do squat if you don't learn and change and stop making the same mistakes.

I wish you the best of luck. It sounds like you've got a pretty tough road ahead of you.

Michelle - posted on 01/20/2013




Yes we do all make mistakes. I'm not sure if you're asking a question here or just stating a fact.

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