were are the days that we could afford, woman to stay @ home and take care of the babies

Nadine De - posted on 02/25/2010 ( 163 moms have responded )

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to be able to stay home and take care of the babies would be great ...

(except the way it is going now in SA our children will have to get jobs soon too so that we can survive the cost of living.)

not to be negetive but spending 2 and halh hours in traffic everyday, is a killer I really feel that my place should be at home sorting the nest, life is rushed and our children get Quality time by our schedules.. maybe there are some home execs that can change my mind I have someone who comes in and cleans twice a week the rest of the time I anyway have to get everything done before and after work.

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Krista - posted on 02/25/2010

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I think it comes down to do you really want to be at home, or do you still want to live the high life.


In some cases, yes. In some cases, no. My husband and I both make very modest incomes. If we were to rely solely on his income (or solely on my income), we'd have enough money to pay the mortgage, the phone bill and the power bill. That's it.

And last time I checked, kids require food.

We don't live the high life -- yes, we have cable and internet, but cancelling those would save us $100 a month. That's not enough savings for me (or him) to not work. Our cars are older (and paid off), we buy our clothes on clearance or second-hand, and my idea of treating myself is to buy myself a $5 tube of mascara.

With the two incomes, we get by with no problems, and a tiny bit left over for fun. But with just one income, there's just no way. It has nothing to do with "the high life" or luxuries. And Sharon, not everybody can afford to stay at home, no matter how fiscally responsible they are. I'm surprised that you'd make such a blanket statement.

I wish that people wouldn't automatically assume that when both parents work, it's because they want SUVs and designer clothes. Sometimes, when both parents work, it's because that's the only way to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table.

Johnny - posted on 03/02/2010

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I'm sorry if I did get a little off track. I think there were some valuable suggestions on this thread that might help some people make the transition to being a SAHM. For myself, I value the domestic sphere equally (well, honestly actually a bit more) than I do the professional sphere. And I think that parents should find ways to spend as much time as possible with their children.

I spent years working as a daycare worker, and got to know lots of caring and wonderful parents. But I did come across some who clearly viewed their kids as second in their life. Who would drop them off at 5:30 am and not pick them up until after 6pm, or even send someone else to pick up the kid. It was sad, and so lonely to watch. And yes, I often wondered why people like that bothered having kids. I just always assumed they were a "mistake". But 19/20 parents I knew needed to work, and found creative ways to spend as much time with their kids as possible.

But it really raises my hackles when I read comments like "I am honestly saying that if we can do it, then anybody can do it. There are honestly steps you can take to be able to come home within 6 months." That is just plain and simply not true. We live in a cooperative housing complex, like about 50% of the people in our neighbourhood. This is considered "affordable housing" in our city. Our monthly charge is $1650/month. Cheap. We moved here so that we could afford to start a family at all. My husband is a nuclear physicist and works as an accelerator technician at the university research lab. I am a major project coordinator for a construction company. We have recently paid off our student loans and our car (10 year old compact). Our "luxuries" are putting money into our daughter's RESP and our RRSP's, saving money for a down payment (we'll need at least $65,000) and supporting a couple charities. We keep a vegetable garden, use cloth diapers, my husband buses to & from work, we have no daycare costs, neither of us are big drinkers of coffee or alcohol, we cook virtually all our meals from scratch, and we all buy our clothes 2nd hand or at the $5 shop (my daughter's are mostly hand-me-downs). Our tv was a gift from my parents, we don't own any other electronic goodies except for a computer and a camcorder. We live quite a simple, quiet life. But there is no way that we can do without the money from my job. My only costs to work are fuel (about $20/week - but that's for all our driving) and the occasional pair of dress pants.

We need to get into the real estate market soon. Our housing costs continue to rise now, and eventually we will have to move somewhere else. And then we'd need to buy and insure another car because my husband would then have to drive to work, which doesn't seem like a great idea. Once we buy a place, our mortgage payments (+maintenance costs) will probably be around $2300-$2600 a month. For a small townhouse.

What works for some will never work for all. Saying that it can, if you just care enough, if you just try hard enough, if you do the "right" things, is so offensive. So many parents just can't, I do not know a single one in real life of my generation who can. Even growing up, I was one of only a few kids I knew with a SAHM. I think people really need to understand that everyone has different circumstances. If staying at home is working for your family, that is fantastic. I like that. But it won't work for mine.

Sharon - posted on 02/25/2010

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Learn how to cut back and do without.

Do you need the expanded cable/satellite package?

Do you need the wireless connection on your cellphone?

Does the monthly extended warranty charge on your cell bill need to be there?

Do the kids HAVE to wear all designer clothes? Can't store brands suffice with designer brands bought at a discount to fill the gaps?

I cut every corner I can. I squeeze every penny until it squeaks. We got rid of our new cars and bought used cars. Repairs were cheaper than monthly payments and insurance went down. Since I wasn't working - if one broke down, it was ok, the other vehicle could fill in.

We almost never buy new video games or dvds. Those are purchased used at a huge savings.

You can afford to stay home. You just have to make it work.

Kate CP - posted on 02/28/2010

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I just want to say...
To those who think SAHM are crappy moms: to hell with you. We do the best we can with what we have.
To those who think working moms are crappy moms: to hell with you, too. We do the best we can with what we have.

I've been both. I've seen the ups and downs of both. The fact of the matter is there is no right way to parent. There is only the right way FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. What works for me may not work for you. I'm using the general "you" here and I'm not directing this at anyone in particular. So if "you" are up on a high horse because you're a working mom or a SAHM then bugger off and go take care of your family instead of griping about how other moms do it.

I'm cranky.

Kathy - posted on 02/27/2010

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Jennifer, your comment

"...I think it's great for those who can have mother or father staying at home raising the children but if that isn't possible then that's unfortunate..."

is insulting. it is not necessarily "unfortunate".

but i do agree - ALL parents "should have a healthy balance between their career and child" .....SAHM's should have a balanced life (other than their children) too. adult conversation (unlike what is going on in this topic) is good for the sole.

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Sandie - posted on 03/03/2010

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if u have this much time to woory about somepne else's child, who's taking care of yours!!

Sandie - posted on 03/03/2010

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how's this for home execs. i'm the time keeper of all, homework, house clesning, dietary needs, meds, chef, and zoo keeper. so if u can find some one who has got a busier schedule than a FULL time MOM please let me know!! i would love the house keeping end of it :) . i think the 2 hours in traffic as me time, how scary!!

Lol - posted on 03/03/2010

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Katherine. In the original post Nadine mentions having a cleaning lady come in twice a week, while she does the general house duties the rest of the time. I think from there the whole 'Maid/Cleaning Lady' has taken a life of its own hehehe

Katherine - posted on 03/03/2010

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Aww Krista, that's terrible :( I went on mat leave and they filled my position.......I STILL haven't found a job. Michigan is horrible.

I also want to say WHERE on earth are you getting maids and cleaning ladies?? Not once have I seen mention of this LOL

Tiffany - posted on 03/03/2010

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I think that these days women want more out of life than domesticity...I stayed home with my son for 2 years, but I always felt like I had more to share with the world...so I became a nurse.

Ally - posted on 03/03/2010

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I have four kids the first two I worked and it put a lot a stress on the whole family, with the last two I have become a stay at home mum, money is tight but we manage, just no fancy holidays. and I get to go on school trips, have coffee groups and time to myself sometimes.

Lol - posted on 03/03/2010

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@ Ashley.... maybe the person who thinks we all have cleaning ladies thinks we live in the Philippines. Nearly everyone I know there (no matter how poor) has a cleaning lady. Meanwhile... their cleaning lady is usually a poorer relation or neighbour who they have taken in to help send to school and give a better start in life!

Lol - posted on 03/03/2010

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Oh Krista .... that really sucks that you lost your job. I hope you can find another one that is suitable for your family.

On a lighter note... maybe if we didn't have to pay for groceries or petrol we could all afford to be SAHM if that is what we wanted? hehe Or maybe if ALL our governments supplied FREE healthcare (OP has a child who is not well), or FREE childcare we would have more spending money for our familes.

Our society is not perfect... so how about we stop expecting eachother.... or ourselves to be please? A lot of the comments posted here have reminded me why I tend to avoid talking with females... we LOVE to criticize (oops i just did LOL)... and then when we do try to be helpful... no one accepts the offer.

Love you all, because (even if i don't know you) you are ALL great mothers.

Ashley - posted on 03/03/2010

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why do ppl assume that because we work we have cleaning ladies???.....you know who the cleaning lady is in my house?..ME and u know how much money she gets an hr for doing it? NOTHING. just because i work doesnt meani can afford a cleaning lady. i've never had a cleaning lady in my life!!. i guess you all assume that because i work i also own a ferari?...shit i better sell that too........you know what kind of car i actually do drive? oh wait sorry no i get chauffered around..by the OC transpo bus. it's rediculous to assume that working parents have tons of money to blow on this that and everything else. we live in a 2 bdrm apartment. we dont even own our own house! so if we both didnt work then where would we be? we'd be in a shelter and like hell i'll be raising my children in a shelter. krista and tah...you guys couldnt have said it more perfectly.....krista best of luck to you in finding a job! you should fire the maid and sell your porche then i'm sure you'll be fine...:) lol

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I'm really sorry to hear about you losing your job Krista. Is there no way you could find another job? Really hope things work out for you...lately we've been having a few money shortages as my hubbys been on the sick...goes back next week thank god!!!!

Krista - posted on 03/03/2010

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Well, I've seen the light. After my mat leave ends, I won't be going back to work.



No seriously, I won't -- I just got laid off today.



So make with the bean recipes and the advice on how to live off of $50/month for groceries, already, 'cause I now have to figure out how to pay $2500/month expenses (mortgage, house/car/health insurance, food, phone, power) off of the $2000 a month my husband brings in.



I'm sure being a SAHM will be just GREAT!!!!

Lizzi - posted on 03/03/2010

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I am also a stay at home mom and absolutely love it! I worked for about 16 weeks making more an hr than my husband but, after child care and gas for the drive to work and to the sitter I was bringing home almost $45 per week! So in our case we almost lost money while I was at work! Along with the financial aspect I was exhauset after coming home making supper and cleaning the house, which left little time for family! We have a much happier and more productive family when I am at home to "work".

Anne - posted on 03/03/2010

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Some time when we look at what we are spending by working, (maid twice a week, eating out) If we ever put it on paper what the cost is of working next to not working, we may want to make some changes, (sell the house and get a different one) etc.... we can make changes and be able to stay at home. Not always, but its worth a look.

Patricia - posted on 03/03/2010

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I forgot to mention that I did work Full time and I have worked part time now I work out of the house. I adapted to the needs of my family. I do not judge any mothers. I just took your post as meaning you wanted to stay home if you could afford to.

Patricia - posted on 03/03/2010

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I think you'd find if you cut back your spending ex. the cleaning lady the cost of gas for your 2 and 1/2 hour commute and daycare expenses I assume you pay for childcare while you are at work you might find you can stay home with your children. Sure you will have to tighten your belt and make some sacrifices but if it is what you really want you will. I did because I felt it was worth it to insure my children were being raised properly by me.Its tough on my husband but he wants me home too. I do some work out of the house to help with the kids activities and I am right there helping with them I am a very involved parent! My children did not ask to be born I decided to have them so I have the responsibility to raise them.

Jodi - posted on 03/02/2010

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Here are some news reports on some fairly recent studies into the SAHM vs working mum debate.



Research has found that babies with full-time working mothers spend just as much time being held and cuddled as those whose mums stay home:

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/working...



MOTHERS who work part-time raise healthier children than stay-at-home mums or those with full-time jobs:

http://www.adelaidenow.com.au/news/natio...



Just thought I'd add these because there have been so many sweeping generalisations about working mums having their children raised for them, and not spending time with them, and how staying home with your children is better, etc......perhaps we should be backing these up with facts rather than making generalisations based on what works for your particular family.



Happy mums make the best mums, and children of happy mums are better off than those whose mums aren't happy. Bottom line.

Katherine - posted on 03/02/2010

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Let's come full circle and get back to the topic, otherwise I'm just going to lock this thread. No one is getting anywhere :)

Tah - posted on 03/02/2010

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it may be a dumb argument but noone will ever shut up about it..trust me..on almost every COM communtity pwoplw argue it back and forth...i 2 have been both.....

Brooke - posted on 03/02/2010

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Yes Jenn, it is my partner who earns $33000 a year. This is our budget.

His income: weekly-$550

-$200- Mortgage

-$150- Car repayments, house and car insurance

-$100-Food, including our 1 year olds

he is lucky to have $50 left over for petrol for the rest of the week.



My income:weekly-lucky to have $200-$300

-$75- goes into seperate account for bills rego etc

-$23- telstra bill

-$50 petrol

I have money left over at times for emergencies. Like this week we need to take the car to the mechanic, there goes my pay. If I wasn't working then there is no way we could pay for things like that.

how often do i go on holidays? hmmm lucky once a year. only up to qld from nsw to spend a week in my partners uncles house, go to the beach. we only spend about $500 on a holiday.

I don't get my hair coloured or cut. I don't get my eye brows waxed. I don't buy make up. All my clothes have been either gifts, hand me downs or clothes i have had since I was 16.

I love my life just the way it is and am actually lucky to have my job. I practically am a SAHM. I work shifts like 6am-9am and 4:30pm-8pm and similar. I am also very lucky to have great inlaws who don't mind looking after Hailey while we are both at work.

Hailey has learnt great things being with them. She was pointing at round objects and saying ball. She barks when she see's a dog or pants lol. she was saying mum, dad, bub and nan at 6 months. All thing they taught her. She doesn't go with out a thing.

Kate CP - posted on 03/02/2010

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This is the dumbest argument ever. Until you've been in both situations you can't judge another person. *I* have, so I can. Here's my judgement:



Moms do what they gotta do. Some moms gotta work, and some moms gotta stay at home. You think moms who work LIKE dropping off their kids, not seeing them all day, only to pick up tired, cranky kids? You think stay at home moms LIKE having to run around like mad women all day dragging their kids along and dealing with tantrums? Look, being a mom is great...and it can also REALLY suck. It's really frickin' insulting to suggest that SAHMs are lazy and abuse the system (especially when not all of us are on it). It's also really frickin' insulting to suggest that women go back to work after having their children because they just CAN'T give up their maid and pedicures. About 98% of women who go back to work after having their baby do it so their kids can eat and have a roof over their head. So both sides need to shut up. :P

Tah - posted on 03/02/2010

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@Candice....I am far from naive...my mother raised me to not be naive and to read between the lines..and when you grew up where i did that was the last thing you could be....next to a SAHM...but when someone is blatantly telling you that you are not raising your child when they don't know you or your child then that is being judgemental...





your sister-in-law may have parents that leave their children there for 12 hours....i, however am not one of those people...also..people who run in- home daycare centers may in fact be instilling their values into children, it's small and intimate.....Noone said you can't have a strong view, just don't expect me to sit here and say..well ok and shut up..when i feel your view is judgemental. and it was....



People are so funny on COM becasue they come on a post, respond, and then expect everyody to get what they are saying and if they don't they get tired of the post or get offended..i actually enjoy seeing other peoples points of view on things..and if i don't agree, I am entitled to say so..esp if I believe it pertains to me and my lifestyle..because well...that freedom of speech thing..that's for everybody also...



I have said time and time again.....if it is what you want and you think it best...then go for it...everything else i said, if you read it..says..what if i said this..and i could say this..but i didn't...and it came after you all saying things i found wrong(because how could know unless you have walked)..it came after someone said, get rid of the maid...are you kidding..this isn't the housewives of COM......people on here ahave said that we work because we want big vehicles and mani/pedi's every week..i mean..come on...but i guess if we would have just sat back and accepted that stereotype..then it would have been okay...



well you got the right one baby.....i have done both and i love working, and i love spending time with my children, i have a career where i can do both..i pick up where i want and need to and i spend lots of time with my children...RAISING THEM...i mean how can i not take offense to someone saying that i don't raise my children..and i NEED..yes they wrote NEED...to do it..when they prob don't have the same taste in shoes, let alone will wear them...i work because i love being a nurse and it provides me flexibility..it also provides my children the chance to be in sports, where i come cheer them on, and other activities and it allows us to have our college fund and better retirement fund..and hell yes if i do decide to get a pedicure i can...that's a perk...but when you see my kids, you see me..right there...raising them.....cheering them on and helping to financially provide for them..and i am proud of it...



Noone said sahm wasn't hard..if it's being done...it is a hard job..which i have said...before...but none of the sahms saw that..they just saw us as selfish and proceeded to tell us what we needed to do.....and i do take offense...

User - posted on 03/02/2010

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, wasnt attacking anybody, just giving my opinion like the rest of you were. I was not picking at any one telling how they are lazy or selfish, I did say that it was ignorant to say sahm's are illiterate.

Just want to say to Tah and Krista, You are big girls and make your own decisions and life, we are all giving our opinions, I was not raised in a culture that promotes sahm, i was raised in the same one as you, and my family is not all like that, two people out of 150 isnt the whole family now is it. Just people making desisions for their kids. There is nothing comfortable about choosing to stay at home and raise a family, especially in this society, maybe in my dear husbands (who is schooled and trained thank you)culture but not here, the popular thing is Two working parents and subsidys for day care. No one is on a pedestal and what makes you girls think that the only ones who are aloud to have a strong opinion are working out side the home women? Last time i checked womens rights applied to all women...

Candice - posted on 03/02/2010

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Krista, that's the sad thing, the original poster does seem to be asking for ways to make it possible to be a SAHM. Those of us who are, just gave the things we ourselves did to make it possible when we felt it was best for us to stay home. Working mom's need to respect SAH moms and vice versa... let's leave it at that and stick to the subject at hand. I've said in earlier posts that we are adults and it is shameful at just how bitchy and judgemental we can be. We have not walked in the shoes of any other person. Being a SAHM is one of the hardest jobs in the world, I don't care what anybody says. But it is not for everyone and not everyone can afford it. Like Lucy said, it comes down to what works for the family and what makes the family happy because in the end that's what makes a healthy family. Working moms who would like to come home... don't shoot down every piece of advice we give with a scoff. If you're scoffing then you're not serious about wanting to come home. Because in the end, if you are determined you can make it work... no excuses. It takes sacrifice, it takes being even more frugile, but it is possible... it just depends on what you are willing to sacrifice to get there. I am honestly saying that if we can do it, then anybody can do it. There are honestly steps you can take to be able to come home within 6 months. If you're not serious... then do all of us a favor and just keep your opinions to yourself because you're only hindering the purpose of this thread to begin with.

Candice - posted on 03/02/2010

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I AM SO SICK OF THIS CONVERSATION...Just so that you know, my sister in law runs a day care and some of her children are there from 5 in the morning...sometimes 4:45 a.m. till at least 5 if not 5:30 in the evening... if THAT'S NOT RAISING SOMEONE ELSES CHILD then I DON'T know what IS. Not saying EVERY child is RAISED by someone else, but you have GOT to admit that ANY time spent under ANYONE ELSE'S care for ANY amount of time will influence your children. You can instill whatever values you want, but they are GOING to learn values from them too that you may or may not completely agree with. Even my MIL influences my children and they're only with her a couple hours a week. STOP being naive.

Krista - posted on 03/02/2010

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That's a good point, Lucy. I think it went off track when a lot of people started saying that anybody could be a SAHM if they just did a, b, and c, which raised the hackles of those of us who really DO need to work to make ends meet. And it all flew to hell from there.



But you're right, in that happy parents make the best parents. And if the OP wants to be a SAHM, then it's very possible that she could do some financial juggling to make it work, or at least to go part-time instead of full-time. It might not work, but if that's what she really wants to do, then it's certainly worth a try.

Lucy - posted on 03/02/2010

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Wow, how did this thread go so off track and get so bitchy?!

I just re-read the original post and it seems to me that the poster would LIKE to be a SAHM and is wondering how she could achieve it. She doesn't ask whether working mums or SAHM's are inherently better, or suggest that ALL women should aspire to be at home, she just expresses that she would like the opportunity herself.

Since I initially went back to work after my daughter was born and then we decided we'd rather overhaul our lifestyle for me to be a SAHM, in my previous post I just shared some of the ways we reached this goal. I didn't feel the need to put anyone else down to justify this decision.

My view is that happy parents make better parents, so if you love your career and want to continue working, great. If you feel being at home with your kids is where your strengths lie, that's great too.

My 3 year old daughter understands and accepts that all families are different, so why are some people on this forum having such trouble dealing with that?

Tiffany - posted on 03/02/2010

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I'm sure being a SAHM is very rewarding but its just nt 4 me, Its hard living off of one income so I'll reather work and enjoy the fruits of my labor with my kids. But don't get me wrong, if I was extremely rich I wouldn't mind stayin home but since we're not i'd reather 4 my husban and I 2 both work.

Sara - posted on 03/02/2010

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Could you all please stop arguing? I'm trying to relax during my mani/pedi....

Krista - posted on 03/02/2010

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If I have a maid, then I SHOULD fire her, 'cause that lazy arse isn't doing diddly-squat!

Tah - posted on 03/02/2010

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WELL KRISTA...i guess you should fire your maid then....start a garden and learn to sew.....and then you wouldnt have to work....pay attention..it's their way or the highway...hey..i like to drive..so i choose the highway..lol...

Krista - posted on 03/02/2010

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Amanda, I was being facetious. My comment about reading comprehension skills was because even though I, and Carol, and Tah and several others have ALL given perfectly reasonable explanations for why it's NOT always possible for the mother to stay at home, we just keep hearing over and over again "Oh yes, you can stay at home, if you just gave up your maid/sold your home and lived in a box/lived off of cat food!"



It. Is. Not. Always. Possible. For. A. Family. To. Survive. Off. Of. One. Income.



I just don't know how much more clear I can make this.



If being a SAHM is possible for you, and you enjoy it, and you don't mind the fact that your husband is working all the time, you're working nights, and you don't see each other all that much, then more power to you. I'm not going to judge, because you're doing what you feel is best for your family. All I'm asking for is the same consideration -- but evidently that's just too much to ask.



Needless to say, I am starting to get REALLY irritated with people who don't know me, don't know my family, and don't know my situation, don't know about the work opportunities (or lack thereof) in my region, who are telling me that they know what's better for my child and my family than I do.



My mom worked. I used to go to a woman who took kids in, so there were about three other kids there my age. I had a blast! I loved having those playmates all day, and when Mom picked me up after work, I'd chatter excitedly to her about all of my news. Looking back, I admire her for having career goals and for working hard to attain them. So you don't need to pity children whose parents work/ed. They're doing just fine, thanks.

Tah - posted on 03/02/2010

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@ Amanda..it must depend on where you are and who you know, because NOONE i know that is my age who went to a babysitter or daycare feels the way your friends do...Some met friends there that they still keep in touch with because they moved throughout school with them....I think it is very judgemental of you ladies to continuosly try to make working moms look and feel as if they are neglectful...I am not on here saying stay at home moms are lazy and just want to sit their kids in front of a TV and talk on the phone and play computer games all day....even though i see some..I am not saying that children who are kept home until they start school lack some basic social skills because they haven't interacted with children their age outside of the home on a daily basis...Yes some public schools are crap..which is why i moved my children to where we live and they are in GREAT schools that do accomodate different learning styles and that my children are scoring off the charts in their SOL testing....YOu are probably so comfortable with it because most of your family does or has done it..and guess what it was instilled in you as part of your culture or you value system



That does not however mean whats good for AMANDA is good for the GANDER....My mother stayed at home and then at some point went to work and I don't love her any less, didn't feel neglected, or resentful...I watched her independence and learned from it..and she has been married to my father who is so love n love with her he would give her the world if he could...over 42 years....If at any point she wanted to stay home, if he needed to pick up more hours or another job, he would...



I mean..i can say some things like, so it's only important that you stay home and see the kids while your husband works himself into a early grave to appease your being selfish and just hears about their milestones, cause working that many jobs i'm sure he isn't seeing them...but i won't..because that would be judgemental and i don't have all the facts..or I could say why don't you work one job and he work the other while he goes to school for a better paying job so that then he wouldn't be working so hard and maybe it would be a little more comfortable for the kids and you while you live your dream of being in the house...



I think it is just as important that dad be home and be involved but alot of SAHM are very content for their partners to leave at the crack of dawn and then come back at or after bedtime or later..having missed all the things you get to see right....but i guess you can capture them on film ad that will appease him and make it better...whatever....but hey..like I SAY..to each it's own..i tried to just keep my post to what i do and why..and if it's not your choice then hey, live your life..but some of you sahm's jump up on your pedestal and really get me going...not all but geeeeezzz..i am not even sure how some of you can see what us horrible, neglectful, selfish, working moms are doing from way up there...maybe you sent your scouts in to report back, being so high and might and all...

Tah - posted on 03/02/2010

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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.....MY GOODNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...now i warned you ladies that if one more person told me that if you work someone else is raising your children..i would have a fit..well there is goes....KERRY has just said that someone else is raising my children with their values and that is crap....Now if you were 37 years old before you had your first child then you have probably pretty much done somethings you wanted to do...and some things you needed to do. Everybody has not waited that long, and everybody does not want to be home with their children..some people want to go to work and school and set that example for their children. WE RAISE OUR CHILDREN..WE TEACH OUR CHILDREN..WE INSTILL OUR VALUES IN OUR CHILDRE, WE HAVE PICTURES WE DON'T EVEN HAVE ROOM FOR, WE TAKE THEM ON TRIPS, ATTEND CONCERTS AND SCHOOL PROGRAMS, WE MAKE MEMORIES WITH THEM....I don't remember any daycare workers doing an of these things with my children, because if soi i didn't have to have a wad of snow up my bum from getting on the slide after a snow storm because my 3 year old said "your turn mommy"....We my husband and I have everything you all have with your children...I didn't miss any first word, teeth or steps because i was working....we were there and if my husband was deployed then he got pictures and video...What makes sahm's(some of you) so honest to goodness holier than thou, I will never know...



I mean geez...did somebody say that if we gave up our maid, we would be able to afford it..LMBO...LMBO.....are you kidding me..i mean ASHTON!!!...ASHTON!!!!!...YOU CAN COME OUT NOW....CAUSE I MUST BE GETTING PUNKED!!!!!!!!.... please...expensive clothes...i shop for deals like everybody else..and if you let me see a coupon it is on...we have 2 cars but one care note...and we had to get that because the truck we had died, but trust me...within the year that will be gone also...who doesn't need internet..i have a 7th grader and a 2nd grader and they come home with projects that can only be found on the internet...i mean my daughter had math homework that my sister working on her masters in accounting had to look up online along with my husband( it was shapes and this and that...crazy stuff)....



As i stated in my earlier post..for all those who love staying at home..kudos and hi-fives...it isn't for me..i LOVE MY CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!!..they are characters, i mean a broadway show waiting to happen, all of them(and even strangers have called them colorful)....but i choose not to stay at home, doesn't mean I am not at band recitals, dance recitals girl scout meetings and activites and everything else that comes up..we are there..and if i am work my husband fills in..as a matter of fact he was at the last booth sale with my daughter and niece selling cookies right along with them....PLEASE DONT tell me that my children are being raised by someone else and with their values because that is your view and i'm sure the lights are probably out while your looking..



I am not on here saying hey you all need to go to work...I just strongly suggest a plan B..because unexpected things happen, If that be a sock in the back of a dresser that you put $1 in every week or, a degree(classes are done online these days) cert, or anything along those lines..I am not trying to get you all to go to work, i am not telling you that your children need more interaction with other children, a role model that can teach independence..I am not trying to push my way of life down anyone's throat or telling them.."think of all the pluses for getting out and working, i mean, your husband won't be breaking his back(in some cases) you feel more independent, you may be able to put some money away for college instead of having every nickel squeezed so tight it makes noise"



Again..to each it's own..but please do not make assumptions about working moms just because you chose not to be one..

User - posted on 03/02/2010

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"Krista, perhaps they had to stay home because they lack basic reading comprehension skills. They don't seem to have been able to understand clearly written responses to the "everyone can do it too" myth in many previous posts. "



K first of all I have taught, ESL and Adult Literacy, and how on earth can you say that people who do not read or write (always because of lack of options! provided by their own parents) or dont do it well are not as smart as you! Lord, You know what they are usually smarter then the genaral population becasue they had to survive and make a living with a big stike against them.

I am going to say it, it is a nown fact that pubil education system is NOT as effective as tutoring or homeschooling, "the system" does not deal with different learning styles, only one, and 99% of the kids fall thru the cracks, especially in charcter devolopment....Kids model on who they spend the most time with....and please dont think i am ignorant of either side of this, i have been on both sides.



And about staying at home with your kids it IS, really is best for them, and yes I agree with the fact the you are putting your career ahead of your kids if you are chosing that over raising them....even if you spent ten years on a career, Kids come first...always.

We were poor growing up my parents bought a house on one income and I started working young and learned how to be a resonsible contributing member of society. I have been working for years, and handling money, if you need another income, get a job from home, or start a home business. You dont have to work out to make more money, mostly everybody has skills. My mom and auntie wored from home while my sister and ma and cousins, grew up and they were SAHM, it is not easy but it is the best way...I have not talked to a single daycare raised child (who are grown and my age or around there) who liked it, said it was fun, or that it was good...they all say they wish their parents had raised them and that they dont even want kids because, they dont want them to go thru what they did in a two workig parent family...The ladies who have stood up and said it is your choice, All women have he option to stay at home are right...Singles moms would have a hard time to get started but it is pssible.



My husband works two jobs, really poor paying ones, and I work nights now, when i have baby i will stay home full time...we will make it, i will start a business if i need to (I have done it before just in case - for all you ladies who said if your husband leaves/dies you are up a creek - I am prepared for whatever life brings, and will raise my own kids thank you) We are willing to struggle now, and will buy a house and have a good life on one income because we choose to.

Kerry - posted on 03/02/2010

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We did it. There are sacrifices, but it is well worth the time home with your children. I did the housework, but didn't stress over it. I was 37 when I had my first child. When you are not with them and driving 21/2 hrs everyday you are missing alot and someone else is raising your children with their values. You NEED to be raising them, making memories with them, taking photos in the everyday stuff. Why have them if you are not going to be the one raising them. We also homeschooled them from K thru 8th grade. Not always fun, but well worth it. Take a little time and think about all the pluses for staying home. Well worth more than money. You are building a heritage and a future that will go way past you and any money you may have earned.

Jenn - posted on 03/02/2010

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I think one thing people aren't taking onto consideration is that in different parts of the world, or even different parts of the country, the cost of living varies. I noticed someone post that their hubby makes $33,000 a year and so she must work. My man makes less than that and I stay home. So obviously there are differences in the cost of living. For example I know that our $200,000 home would be worth about $500,000 in the city. Also, I live in Canada so we don't have to pay for medical other than prescriptions, dental, things like that.

Krista - posted on 03/02/2010

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We chose a smaller home instead of maxing out and we only buy what can be paid for completely each month. You have to give up the expensive pleasures like a maid, mani/pedi, expensive clothes, so many meals out...but it is worth it being with your children and helping them develop and grow.




A maid? Pedicures? Expensive clothes?



Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!



Oh, that IS funny. Why yes, that's why I'm planning on going back to work when my mat leave is up -- because I want a maid and a pedicure! It has absolutely nothing to do with the desire to keep a roof over our heads, food on our table, and functioning lights and heat in our home.



Wow...what colour is the sky in your world, anyway?

Ashley - posted on 03/02/2010

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Jennifer....the fact is that SOME stay at home moms DO rip off the system....thats a fact...i've seen it numerous times..i dont know what it's like in the UK but here it's welfare or nothing. our health care is free to begin with so we dont get health benefits. it's easy for ppl to get welfare here and lots of mothers do it. with welfare you get free subsidy for daycare...why i dont know..you are at home doing nothing. most people on welfare are driving nice cars and live in decent housing for 90/month. BOTH parents will live off the system when there's no reason why one cant work. Welfare cuts you off when your children go to school...well i know people that will have kids as soon as their child goes to school full time so they can keep collecting. THIS is what i'm talking about. Its different if atleast one parent is working and they need some sort of help. Thats what benefits are for. Single parents are a totally different story. My mom was a single mom of 4...still worked and collected benefis as well. But anyways this is a totally different topic....i'm not saying all stay at home moms rip off the system...thats not what i'm saying at all..i'm saying some do because i know they do. i have friends that do and i'd be determined that i would not be like them and i would not teach my children to be like that. this is why i went to school and my bf too. it shows my children that we worked hard for where we are and what we have. stayin at home isnt for me.i dont like it...in fact i hated it. whereas my sister loves being at home with her children...everyone is different and its what works for that individual family...

Mary-Jo - posted on 03/02/2010

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My husband and I began planning our finances BEFORE we ever had children. We pulled together and paid off EVERYTHING. We already knew I would stay at home and we would have to be able to live without being paycheck to paycheck. We chose a smaller home instead of maxing out and we only buy what can be paid for completely each month. You have to give up the expensive pleasures like a maid, mani/pedi, expensive clothes, so many meals out...but it is worth it being with your children and helping them develop and grow. It was the right decision for us. I am truly blessed!

[deleted account]

Ashley, yes you just insinuated that some mams do "rip off the system" not particularly me but it's not very fair to assume stay-at-home mams who do claim benefits are "ripping off the system". In the UK the majority of families claim some sort of benefit - every family where at least one parent works over 20 hours and they have a child can claim working and child tax credits. If you're referring to solely Job Seekers Allowance money familys where one parent works the other can't claim JSA even if they are looking for a job because their partner's money is to keep them too. In the case of single parents - should they be penalised and looked down on if they do claim income support so that they can stay at home and raise their child?



I don't look down on anyone who claims benefits (unless they're on JSA and have no intention of getting a job). Everyone will have to claim some sort of benefit at some point so you shouldn't judge people who do. Single parents should have the choice to work or be on benefits, they have no one else to support them so it's what they thinks best for their child =]



I'm glad you working works for your family =] as long as your family are happy whatever anyone else thinks it doesn't mean anything! And yes if it's for financial reasons I totally understand!

[deleted account]

Krista at the end of the day I think parents should always put their children first, whether they have done 10 years of post-degree education or none! I think if it's financially possible it's always nice if one parent can stay at home and raise the children. Giving just the 4 years before they go into school is nothing compared to seeing your child grow and develop and if you want to return to work then that's understandable. It's not about giving it up persay but taking a break from it for a short while. My mam was a fully qualified nurse with "Sister" status (the head of a ward), she gave up her work whilst we were young and went back when we were at school. At the end of the day it's up to the individual family what they do and I wouldn't judge them because they will have reasons.

Britney - posted on 03/01/2010

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After all the drama and fighting back and forth about whether it is better to stay home or go back to work I had to go back and read the original post to remember what was even the initial conversation. Because I do agree, I always say that I wish it was easier to stay home and raise my family and not have to worry. I am very grateful for the life that I do have tho. My husband works very hard and makes good money and he only works during the day so we are all together everynight as a family, and I stay home. I have started working a couple hours twice a week just for some extra cash for activities. I don't believe that we have all the luxuries but we do have alot, and I have worked them all out so they all fit in to our budget just right, we have 2 car payments, a house payment, we have 3 cellphones, internet and cable, and my kids have game systems and wear clothes from the mall. Everything fits into our budget very tightly but it fits. I do feel like there are times I wish we had more but for now I am glad to be able to provide for my family without assistance and still get to stay home and enjoy them also, even if it means we struggle at times.

Candice - posted on 03/01/2010

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Kudos Tah Davis! It's women like this who we should model ourselves after! I should add that I have 2 older brothers and my mom was a SAHM until I was 18 months old. She went to work and my dad came home when he started raising pigs commercially. I know farm life is different than city life, but the work ethic of our parents still rings loud and clear!

Tah - posted on 03/01/2010

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@Carol...save me a spot in line...Some SAHM can be very judgemental..yet I have had one try to tell me it was me because i suggested a PLAN B...i mean even birth control has it am i wrong for thinking it important.. If you want to stay home, hunt deer and rabbit and can your veggies..I think that is great...I am not being a smart ass..(which i can be)..I really think it is good and works for you..



My mother(the lady in my photo)..raised 10 children...7 of us bilological and 3 of our cousins because my aunt was sick..and i mean from the time they were 2-3 years old until they left college and moved on their own.....she was a sahm for years....and while at home she babysat and was a licensed hairdresser so she did that as well..while my dad..worked at a store..did security and drove a cab while in school for computers. and the seminary.....they did this in a 3 bedroom 1 bathroom home in philadelphia...when the first batch (i'm talking 1year -2years in between each child) was a little older she went to work outside the home.



even though my father finished and started a good job, She has been working for the city of philly for over 25 years...married over 40..and came home cooked, cleaned and made prom dresses, blankets and many other things....I never saw a hair salon until i started working because my mom was our hairdresser. Every Saturday(because church was sunday and you were going)she washed, pressed and curled or braided our hair..in a line....washed and dried our church clothes and we ate breakfast and were out the door on time for service and during the week for school...She walked my brother and I to school in the moring and then caught the trolley downtown to work, she now has 14 grandbabies, from ages 3-22 and she is a role model for all of us...



My mom to me is a superheroe and i might just get her a cape for her b-day on tuesday. She taught me the importance of family and independence. I love her for it...

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