What do your kids call their grandma's boyfriend?

Angela - posted on 09/29/2011 ( 7 moms have responded )




My mom recently started dating this guy, 4 months, but I made it very clear that I don't want my child to call him grandpa or papa. She got pretty upset because she thought I was being hurtful. I just feel like:
1. They havent' been together that long
2. He hasn't done the work necessary to be rewarded with the specialness a grandpa has. Why should he get to stoll off the street and become grandpa?
3. I have only met him 4 times and my husband has only met him 2 times so, to us, he is essentially a stranger.
4. I feel it diminishes the value that the real grandparents have.
I don't think I'm being unreasonable with my request but it have been pretty upsetting to my mom and our relationship. I don't want him to be called grandpa or papa but I don't mind if they call him some other term. I know that my mom doesn't want him to be called by his first name so I need to find another term to call him.


Firebird - posted on 09/29/2011




I have a suggestion. When my great grandpa re-married before my mom and her brothers were born, it was decided that my mom and uncles would call his new wife "Auntie Nellie". Grandma didn't sound right to anyone, so they called her Auntie. All us great-grandkids called her Auntie Nellie as well. Not as formal as Mr. Last Name, but doesn't have quite the same "specialness" as grandpa. It was a name that everyone in the family was very comfortable with.

This conversation has been closed to further comments


View replies by

Corinne - posted on 08/08/2012




My kids call my mums fella by his first (english) name. He has been around since before they were born, but he is not my dad, step dad or even remotely close to me as he came on the scene after I left home. While he cares for the kids and does play with them etc, I would not leave them with him as I don't know him well enough.
My M.I.L always called her husband 'grandad (first name)'. I wasn't comfortable with this and I don't think he was as his relationship with my husband (his stepson) was never great. The kids copied Grandma though and it stuck, much to the annoyance of myself, my husband and his stepdad.
Decide what you want this man to be known as Mr Smith / Uncle Bob whatever, tell your mother and leave it at that. I only wish we'd been clearer on this issue ourselves.

Danielle - posted on 08/06/2012




My children called my the people my parents dated by their first name.

Once my parents married their new spouses they were granted their titles of "Grandma Faye, and Grandpa Jim".. the actual biological grandparents are called Grandma/ Grandpa without the formality of the added name.

At first there was the assumption that they would be called Grandma and Grandpa right from the start.

What I did was always refer to them by their name to my children in their presence. I would never say "Go to Grandma"... it would say "Go see Faye".

They eventually got the picture. I didn't make a big stink about it.

I just put the reference in the state of mind when children call close family friends "Aunts and Uncles".. They still sometimes called themselves Grandma and Grandpa on occasion, but I just bit my tongue to make peace. We never did visit very often anyways.

Charity_knox - posted on 08/06/2012




@ Angela I am kinda in the same boat. But before I even had a chance to warm up to grandmas boyfriend he was already calling himself grandpa and I was upset and explained why it upset me that an almost stranger all the sudden calling himself grandpa. It eneded up putting a "block" between me and my MIL she is hurt that I don't Love her boyfriend enough to have my kids call him Grandpa but the fact he out of the blue assumed the name of grandpa before I even had a chance to get to know the guy was very offensive to me.

Angela - posted on 09/29/2011




I know that it is early in the game to be worrying about this since I'm due in March but I felt like it would be better to cut to the chase now. I didn't want him to anticipate being called grandpa for months just to find out that I am not comfortable with that. I also wanted to give him enough time to think about what he would like to be called. I like him being called Mr. Last Name. My mom feels like that is too informal since she they are together for keeps so to speak. If they or I don't come up with a term that they think is better we are definitly going to refer to him as Mr. Last Name.
Thanks for the response.

Wendy - posted on 09/29/2011




How about Mr Smith for example...polite, respectable, how old are the kids? I would say first name also but if kids are very young prob not

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms