What i should do for my 9 yeare old daughter's visitation with her dad?

[deleted account] ( 2 moms have responded )

My query is regarding the visitation rights of my husband to see our 9.5 year old very well behaved & intelligent daughter. It was a long term domestic violence case from a 10 year old marriage and in 2010 my daughter was 7 years old and due to a incident from 2010 to 2011 he has got injunction order against me & my daughter both but as the order finished in March 2011, it was his right & my duty to give him opportunity to see daughter. So, I have provided him few weekend day time visits indoors or outdoors. During outdoor visits he was most of the times interested to negotiate with me to allow him come back to home for at least 3 months? And I have asked him why you want 3 months; why you're not asking for whole life?? and during indoor visits few occasions he didn't present good behavior again but in July 2011 he hit her very badly again and my daughter was in shock/ pain/ fear for almost 3 days and mildly for nearly a month and that was the last time of his home visits. Because of my full time work I was already under stress and last few years of stress of police recording and all, I just froze at that occasion and didn't inform police. I think that was my biggest mistake in this court case because now he is pretending he is a changed man and needs to see her daughter more frequently and should be allowed to take her out with him and he has applied in court for this order. Daughter is doing excellent in her studies and for other activities so that's a biggest reward. But my daughter because of fear is not much interested to go out with her dad only interested to see him in observed contact centers that too after a lot of encouragement from me to her. If my 9 year old daughter continues to refuse going out from centre than he (my ex) might apply for enforcement order in court. Court had asked CAFFCASS to write a report. In CAFFCASS reports it's saying from my daughter’s statement that she has put very serious allegations like when she was just 4 locking her in back garden in dark or putting the non appropriate TV channels in her presence by dad but dad denied any of the charges and also no evidences available. (You must be thinking they are kidding - but believe me they are not. How I gather evidence of few year back incidences - I' m in shock) They are also reporting that GP checked out marks in her body in 2010 and later part of the report is saying no immediate threat to the child). ............ Where should I go for justice? Should I 'challenge the report'? I feel very helpless. I just keep on doing research on all custody related topics on internet. I repent the last time about 8-9 months back when he hit my daughter indoors on one of his visits why I didn't call the police for evidence. But can't change the past now. But I curse myself for that as now I have put my own daughter's safety in danger.

Do you have any idea what i should be doing?? Should i still encourage my daughter even more to go out with him and keep a good eye on her well being or should i apply in the court for a changed order?

My daughter always get very healthy environment at home and good times with her friends and different creative activities but i am wondering because of the family issues the social services should not get involved to take her in their foster care or something?

Many thanks. Regards, Miss P


Corinne - posted on 08/05/2012




I would challenge everything, your daughters voice NEEDS to be heard. If she is scared of him, she is not going to benefit from spending any time with him at all; in fact, it could have a very negative impact on her health and wellbeing. My father used to hurt me and when he left, I refused to see him (I was 17yrs though) and he never challenged this. I am now 32 and still get nervous and jumpy if I know he's in town. Trust your daughters feelings and fight for her right to stay safe and well. Good luck.

Tina - posted on 08/05/2012




I would honestly keep fighting. It may be hard but your daughter needs you to do this. Do what ever you have to do. You mentioned the inappropriate tv programmes. It may start off as that then something worse. I can say I know someone who's been in a very similar situation I'm in australia. But like you daughter was scared of going to see him but she had to go. For some time they were doing supervised visits. She stated that her done had done stuff to her and that she was made to watch inappropriate stuff but there was no proof. A couple of years ago age 15 she ended up staying with her dad. Now he'd always acted inappropriate was mean etc. She started her period with him he told her she stunk etc. Then he'd say things like as your mum for a f***. He ended up raping her. Then he kicked her out at one of my relatives places and took off. Obviously that was the first clue that something wasn't right when he took off like that. Well in that case there was dna evidence. But unfortunately it shouldn't have gotten that far. She still has flash backs and has a hard time dealing with it. The problem is he wont even be behind bars long. I tell you this because it may be hitting now and inappropriate tv show but it could turn into something worse. If she's scared of him and doesn't want to see him. Trust her. They're good enough reasons to fight him. Don't give up.

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