what is an appropriate curfew for a 13 year old??

Karen - posted on 04/03/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )




My daughter has just started hanging out in the evenings with her friends,....who are mostly 13 years old. They just walk around and hang out at the park.
I am just wondering what everyone thinks a reasonable time for a 13 year old to have to be home.

I find that it gets dark at about 8- 8:30....and our road is kind of darker as it heads out into the country, and her in town friends seem to have a curfew of around 9- 9:30 which I feel is to late for her to be coming home...I do not want any of them to walk home by themselfs at that time of the night. Although if we lived in town and where not a such a dark and busy street I might be ok with 9- 9:30.

Just wondering what other people think is a good curfew for a 13 yr old ???



Sarah - posted on 04/21/2014




I am a 13 year old girl. I understand your concern for your child/teen, however I do believe that a different approach would be practical. As teens, we do want to rebel, my mother has tried it all with curfews and bed times. For example: Last year I had to be home by 8:30, so naturally I would push to stay out later. I wanted to go out to parties with my older friends, but I wasn't allowed. This year, I have no curfew, and much fewer restrictions. An actual conversation never took place about this (I do suggest one however), it just slowly faded out until I could pretty much do what I want. Now that she has given me freedom, there is something she has taken away from me, the ability to piss her off! I hate to say it, but just the fact that I was doing something I wasnt allowed, made me want to do it. There is a reason that people crave a burger or slice of cake on the days they are dieting and not the ones they let loose or allow themselves to cheat. Its the well know human nature of wanting something simply because you cant have it.

Now that I am allowed to stay out as late as I want and go to any party, I am often home around 8-9 isn and haven't been to a party in the evening for months. I also realize that if my friends have to be home at 8 per say, why would I want to be out till 10? I would simply get bored. Right now I am on spring break, I can do what I like, however let me explain to you what my days have been like. I woke up late this morning, around 12 ish I went to my friends house and we practiced for a dance we are performing at school. We then went out to the community center and sat by McDonalds outside, didnt order anything just chatted with some other friends. Then I came home around 4pm simply because I wanted to and I watched a movie with my mum then skyped with my grandma. My mum asked me my plans for the evening as she was going out and felt bad that I would be bored at home. I stayed home and very happily watched an old movie from my childhood and now its 10pm where I lived and im going to sleep because I am tired.

Last year I CONSTANTLY wanted to dress in skimpy mini shorts with crop belly tops or tight tank tops. I spent 20 minutes applying my thick foundation every morning and straightening my hair when im done. My mother hated it but just let me go through my phase. When I realized that there was nothing attractive or neccessary about it, I slowly evolved. Now ive gone from "forever 21" to massimo duti and zara. I look for classy shops that have simple chique but not too pricey clothes. You should know, that the more you nag your child to do something, the less they will want to do it. Some things they simply have to do on their own and fix on their own.

I am not proud to say this but here is a good lesson. Last year I experimented with smoking, all my friends were doing it so I ended up starting for about 2 months. Then the word spread and got around to my older brother who told my mum as he was concerned. She of course was very dissapointed and my parents did punish me. You know, no going out, and things like that. But it wasnt my punishements that made me upset or full of regret, it was the fact that I lost my parents trust. I lied to them out of panic back then and said I simply tried a few of the other peoples. Then summer past and in september this school year, after my mum had already thoroughly searched my room top to bottom looking for cigarettes, she didnt find them. But out of guilt, I took them out of my great hiding place and gave them to her. Even though it had been months the situation had been dealt with. I handed them to her and explained that I still had them in my room and that I felt guilt so here they are I dont want them and I am really sorry. She appreciated my honesty and ever since I have slowly regained their trust.

Now I can talk to my mum about how I broke up with my boyfriend cause he was an asshole or that I had a beer at my friends house the other night, and that my friend got wasted so I went home. I can trust her because im not scared of her anymore. I still have discipline but its simply not needed because Ive learnt to be responsible. Responsibility in a child comes from being given responsibilities.

I am only 13, I dont know everything, I make mistakes and I need my parents. I dont hate them or argue with them anymore because I know it wont get me anywhere. If my mum is screaming at me, I turn around and explain to her that the more she screams, the less I will listen and the more angry I will get.

Although alot of these scenerious seem extreme, trust me when I tell you that this is a very effective method for a teenager. I am very grateful for have being treated this way as it has helped me mature that little bit more when it comes to decisions and attitude. I understand that it is stereotypical for a teenager like myself to think I know everything and that I am like an adult because I am not. But I do know that trusting your child is just about the best thing you can do to them.

So here is something I recommend, Sit down with your teenager and just explain to her/him that they don't have a curfew anymore. Approach it as a 'test'. Explain that they don't need a curfew because you trust them and that you think that they know what time they should be home. Make sure they understand that if they go over board, they will have a curfew again. This may mean that they come home later than you are comfortable with for the first few nights, but you will see that they will come to be more and more reasonable.

I know I went off topic alot but I really thought this needed to be said to the mothers out there. There doesnt seem to be alot of helpful advice from this point of view.

Hope I helped,

Sarah :)

Kathy - posted on 04/03/2010




I have three daughters, ages 23, 20 and 19. I always errored on the side of caution and safety! Even though society seems to think of teens as little adults, they are not! They are kids. I think back on all the trouble I just barely missed when was 13 or 14 and I remember how had no fear.... I asked my 3 daughters your question, and they all three agreed with me, I think home before dark for sure. Remember, she will expect later and later curfues, more and more privelages. If you start with 9, it will get later and later... ;)


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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/21/2014




Oh my...gotta love when the self proclaimed "i'm a teenager, and this is why you should give in to me" posts come out.

Let me tell you, Miss Sarah, if you ARE in fact a teenager, your mother needs to do some monitoring of your internet time, and choices.

FYI, sweetie, here's the deal: YOU ARE A KID. You don't get to make decisions about how late you get to stay out, because you'd want to party till all hours, as you so honestly admit. MY JOB? To MAKE SURE that you're not out partying till all hours, hanging out with your slovenly friends who have nothing better to do with their time than figure out how many ways they can piss their parents off. IF SOMETHING HAPPENS to you, or your little buddies whilst you are out disobeying curfew, and mainly playing the little spoilt brat role, I AM RESPONSIBLE. Sorry, honey, but I am not about to let you, my 13 year old kid, dictate to me, your PARENT how you are going to live your life.

If I say your clothing is to skanky and skimpy, and you aren't allowed to dress in it, THAT'S THE RULE. You will not get around my by whining, whinging, or any other method. I WILL check on you throughout the day in school to make sure that you remain appropriately dressed. I don't want anything to happen to you, and if you're dressed like a skank, you're going to be treated as such, because people love to judge based on appearance. I don't believe that it is correct, but that doesn't mean I'm going to allow you to expose yourself to them, either. I also know how 'dirty old men' think, and I will not have my daughter gracing their personal pornographic fantasies.

So, while your advice to sit and talk with your kids is good, your mother's choice of just allowing you to make your own rules after you'd worn her down by being a spoilt brat doesn't sit well with me. HOPEFULLY you will be intelligent enough to avoid unprotected sexual encounters until after you're married and settled.

Good luck.

[deleted account]

I'd say about 9ish,Where would they be after 9?
But that really depends on the location,Season,Child etc.
But if it does get dark at about 8/8:30 then i would set her curfew to about 8:30.

Firebird - posted on 04/04/2010




When I was 13 my curfew was 8pm on weeknights, 9-9:30 on weekends. that seems pretty reasonable to me.

Karen - posted on 04/03/2010




Thanks for all the comments.....

My daughter has friends who show up here and then they wake into town...... they are actually hanging out in a school, near a business that is opened at the time they are there, just across the street.

This park the kids are hanging out at is where all the young kids hang out at...I hung out there when I was a kid. Most of the adults who are there are there with younger kids during the day.

This is exactly what I am worried about.... them getting in trouble..... she has been a good kid up until now but she is growing fast.... and that is scary. I have alreaedy put out the offer that she and her friends are welcomed to stay here and play on the Wii or in the yard.

I do know most of these friends pretty well.

Sharon - posted on 04/03/2010




Depending on they are with...

if they are just haning out on a street corner... I suppose it doesn't really matter.

But my kids aren't allowed to do that. They have to be at a house with adults present. In the case of their friends. Depending on the circumstances.. school nights, they have to be home 2 hours before bedtime to eat their cold dinner and shower. Homework must be done before leaving.

Friday & Saturday - they can stay until 10 pm if an adult will give them a ride home (most kids have quads out here but that isn't safe after dark.)

Hanging out at the park is soooo trashy. Especially at night. Do you know why it has cachet for them? Because its something ADULTS DO. Its something older teens do while making out. It is not something a 13 yr old girl should be doing. Kids hanging out aimlessly get into trouble.

Tracy - posted on 04/03/2010




Home before dark if just hanging outside. If they are at a movie or some other supervised activity where a parent is picking up, I'd say home by 9:00.

[deleted account]

The fact that you live on a dark road changes things for your daughter, unfortunately for her! Maybe if you make it 9pm at the latest, that way it's still kind of as late as her friends, but she'll be in the door by 9?

Jennifer - posted on 04/03/2010




I always had to be home before dark; we lived in town, and my rule of thumb was when the I better be home before the streetlights were on. With the world the way it is today, it is so much better to be safe than sorry, and even if your daughter rebels (show me a teenager who doesn't) at least you still have her!

[deleted account]

Home by dark is a good idea if they are walking around. If she is at a friend's house and the parent will drive her home (or you'll pick her up) then it could be later on a case by case basis. :)

Iridescent - posted on 04/03/2010




We go with "dark" here. If it's dark, they belong home, unless we're all outside with our neighbors.

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