What rights do I have as far as protecting my child?

Natasha - posted on 12/25/2012 ( 7 moms have responded )




I have been granted sole custody of my son and his father is allowed supervised visits but since August 20th he has only come to see him 4 times and only calls when it is convienient to him. I have told him time and time again that our son needs consistancy and he needs to make it a priority to call on a regular basis if he wants to continue contact. However whenever he does call he tells my son he misses him and is going to come see him and doesnt . also he tells him it is my fault he doesnt see him when he has no one to blame but himself. He calls me threatening and trying to make me feel bad about it but I am trying to protect my son because at this point my son thinks he is responsible somehow for why his father doesnt come around ( why am I not good enough) .. Can anyone tell me if I have the right to protect by stopping all communication between the 2 of them or can i get in trouble for this? The inconsistancy and things he tells my son is causing problems. also when my son does talk to him or sees him because it is so few and far between , my son afterwards goes on a spree of disrespect and behaving horribly for about 3-4 days until he forgets again... please please I want to hear from u all.. Thank you.. Do you think I am wrong for wanting to protect my kid?


Jodi - posted on 12/25/2012




It depends. Here in Australia, for instance, the orders are generally for times allowed for visitation. So basically, that means that the primary custodian MUST make the child available at those times for visitation with the other parent, but the other parent is not REQUIRED to accept the visitation at that time. In your situation, under this type of arrangement, you may NOT put a stop to communication without being in contempt of court - you'd actually need to get new orders accordingly. I am pretty sure that is the case in many countries.

Despite the fact that he is inconsistent, you don't have a right to put a stop to the relationship between father and son. Your son has a right to get to know his dad, and then make that decision on his own later. It doesn't sound to me like your son is in danger, so it is unlikely a judge would actually grant you the rights to remove visitation altogether. There were time, over the years, that my son only say his dad a few times a year. He's now 15 and is perfectly well adjusted, has a relationship with his father, and is happy with the way things are. It simply is NOT your right to take those opportunities away from your son.

Believe it or not, 4 times since August is pretty good. That's about once a month on average. Many fathers are only GIVEN that much visitation.


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Leslie - posted on 01/10/2013




There is a reason the father only gets supervised visits. I'm sure it's personal, but nevertheless a judge thought it best not to leave your child alone with him. If you, the sole protector of your child , thinks that your child is being "manipulated" in an effort to alienate your child's emotions from you, then his rights should be completely terminated by the judge. Emotional abuse to a child includes, but isn't limited to, parental alienation without just cause. Counseling for your son will confirm this and support your efforts to see that your child is protected. You are many steps ahead of mothers going through custody issues. Go with your heart. protect your child's mind. Give your child the opportunity to make up his own mind once he gets older...People who try to turn their children into parental haters don't deserve children. Protect your baby.

Barbara - posted on 01/08/2013




Sole custody only means the child stays with you and you can decide where they go to school and church. You can get in a great deal of trouble if you do not let the father see the child. The court can step in and find you in contempt.
Friend who has been there. The friend thought she had all of the rights because of sole custody but after being in contempt and the consequences she found out what sole custody means.

Diane - posted on 01/08/2013




Document every missed visit and the consistency of them...My ex only started regular visits once my son was of an age that he could care for himself...He was not available for the diaper times and toddler temper times...oh well... Now he accesses all his visitation times and has a relationship with our son...but as time is going on My son is slowly making up his own mind of what his Dad is all about. Can you imagine my surprise when out of the blue he stated..."Mom, I'm starting to understand why you couldn't live with Dad anymore, sometimes he is not very nice"
So document missed visits for future info and wait out the tide...things have a habit of working out in the end

Cynthia - posted on 01/08/2013




Is there something in the order that you have to accept calls from him? The point of supervised visitation is to prove he is fit to be with the child. It seems it would be up to you if you put your son on the phone with him. If he is being disruptive over the phone, don't accept the calls. Show up for his visits, once you go back to court you can explain the disruptive nature of the calls and then the court may continue the supervised visits.

Dove - posted on 12/26/2012




If he has court ordered contact... you can not stop that without going back through court or you are in contempt and risk getting into trouble.

You definitely aren't wrong for wanting to protect your child. That's what a good parent does. Unfortunately, in situations involving court orders, you have to be careful about how you go about protecting your child.. as getting in trouble from the court could very well make things worse for him, not better.

Good luck!

And... 4 times since August is about double how much my kids have talked to their father. ;)

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/25/2012




Yes I believe you can get into trouble, especially if the visits are court ordered. My best advice is to seek out your lawyers opinion on all of this. If they are supervised visits, aren't they with someone that needs to be paid? How is he just cancelling or just not showing up?

I totally can see why you would be concerned and would want some structure and scheduled visits between your child and father. But you cannot force him, and it is better when the child gets to see both parents. You don't want to take that right away from your child....getting to now his father. Just revisit your lawyer or whoever, and see what they recommend. Every state is different concerning custody and visitation arrangements.

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