What's right or wrong for the current joint custody arrangement my ex and I have??

Shauna - posted on 11/10/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )




My ex and I have joint custody of our little girl who is 6 years old. I love on my own and have an 8-5 job Monday-Friday. My ex husband lives with his mom and works in the late afternoons until late at night. During the week that she is not in my possession and with her dad (in his possession), due to his schedule, his mom takes care of my daughter (I don't particularly like this bc of reasons). At both homes my daughter gets the things she needs and is very loved hands down. I'm so torn because since my daughter hardly sees her dad, she is being raised by his mom when he is not home. To me this makes no sense and a part of me wants to do something about it, but then part of me doesn't want to change it because my daughter loves her daddy and grandmother. Me and her dad have two different lifestyles; when she is at his house; she is with his mom 90% of the time, she is definitely babied and spoiled. When she is at my house, it's a routine, we get home from school and work, get dinner, do homework, play, read, watch tv and then get baths and go to bed. I don't baby her and she doesn't get everything she wants at my house. It makes my weeks with her a bit challenging to say the least. I feel at times joint custody is so unhealthy and I feel like at times I'm letting him and his mom get away with taking advantage of our agreement. I really just need some advice becauSe I'm torn between what to do.


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Jodi - posted on 11/10/2013




You can't control the rules in the other home, as much as you would like to. In a joint custody arrangement the rules and routine are generally going to be different and there is little you can do about it.

I ask you this, if you decide that she needs to live with you, how much less will she see her father? It's not like she's going to see her dad any more if she lives at your house during that time. At least she gets to see him a little, and I don't see the problem with her having a relationship with her grandmother. Having some solid family in her life is a good thing, and despite the different routine, it will provide her with some emotional stability.

I ask you this too. Does your daughter have a problem with it?

By all means, you could drag him back to court, which could totally destroy any positive communication there may be between you and he, but it just doesn't seem like it would be worth it. I will say this, let's say he gets a different job, where he is working the same hours as you.....you'd still have to put up with his different lifestyle - that really is something you'd have to deal with regardless. So that really isn't reason enough to try to go for primary custody.

Laurie - posted on 11/10/2013




I don't think that you really need to worry about that, but if you really concern about this then first of all try to talk with your Ex-Husband about this. Tell him that if he is unable to give your daughter his full time, then he should give his full custody to you.

Karen - posted on 11/10/2013




What are your options ? Have you asked the other mom to not spoil your daughter.You have a right to rules ,Give them to her.

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