what should i do about this baby?

Cecilie - posted on 08/17/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )




Been married for 8 yrs but found out 2 yrs ago that my husband was cheating and from that affair came a baby boy! i took my husband back after a seperation of 7 months but now that the baby is born i am having second thoughs.......Cant seem to make peace with the new addition to his side of the family............ i am going out of my mind, even thought of suing this other lady! What should i do?


Jodi - posted on 08/17/2013




Well, you certainly shouldn't be suing the other lady. Your husband had choices here too, it wasn't all her fault.

Have you had counselling about your choice to take him back?

Unfortunately, this child is a reality, and you shouldn't be punishing the child for the sins of his father. Maybe, if you can't accept it, and you go through counselling and still can't accept the consequences of your husband's poor choices, you may be better off moving on, for the sake of everyone involved. I can totally understand your anger and upset over the situation, but you can't live like that. So clearly, you need to find a way to move forward, whether that be with him AND the child, or without both of them.


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Cecilie - posted on 08/19/2013




thnk u very much, i feel alot better now.....been looking at dfrnt counsellors and will most def go for counselling....

Kristi - posted on 08/19/2013




I'm not sure what you think you could sue this other woman for but as Jodi pointed out, it takes two and who knows what sob story your husband told her before and during their relationship to get in her pants.

My 2nd husband cheated on me, repeatedly, I found out. We were together for 8 years also. I don't think I could have handled it or remained friends like we have, had he had a child with another woman. Realistically, for me, it would be like having the affair thrown in my face any and every time the son was mentioned or visiting. I don't think I'd be able to heal with a real live constant reminder.

I imagine he hasn't regained much trust back yet and you probably still have some insecurities, maybe more because of the baby. If you're anything like I was, your emotions are all over the place. Hurt, frustration, anxiety, anger, sadness, confusion...it totally is like going out of your mind. I defer to Jodi, again, and agree counseling is your best bet, regardless of the final outcome. A good counselor can help guide you through the grieving process (of your old marriage), teach you how to let things go and move forward. He/She is a non-judgemental, objective person who can sometimes help us see things from a different perspective, they listen to our most outrageous feelings and our deepest fears and help us find an effective way to deal with them and they don't make us feel bad for it, either. Not to mention, they don't repeat their version of everything you just told them to their hair dresser, who is your neighbor, but swears her to secrecy and the next thing you know, your whole neighborhood thinks you're a crazy, baby hater out for revenge. ; ) (just trying to lighten things up a little with that one)

Try to find some time each day to meditate and/or do some deep breathing exercises to help clear your mind and reduce your stress, at least for a little. Light a scented candle, listen to some soothing music or other sounds (like the ocean, rain, birds, etc) on your radio, take a nice bath.

One last note. One more time, in alignment with Jodi's comment, the child shouldn't suffer the sins of the parents. However, just because you're not ready to cozy up and play house with your husband and his mistress's baby, does not make you a bad person. It's not as if this a typical "step-family" situation. I think with time and counseling, you'll know what and who you can accept in your life. I wish you the very best.

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