what should i do i want some advice please and am i doing the right thing

Gaynor - posted on 12/11/2009 ( 19 moms have responded )

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i broke up with my ex over 10 years ago now he got himself a new girlfriend and had a kid with her and they broke up a few years later

my ex moved to another country and he wasnt himself he missed me and my boys

in the past he hurt me but i hurt him back as well as being spiteful to him but now he want me back but i want him back as well but my parents dont like him but i never stopped loving him

i want your advice i will read all of them if you send me any thanks

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Jessica - posted on 12/11/2009

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If you really want this, I'd suggest maybe try dating without your children knowing. so if it doesnt work they dont get their hopes up. And once your confident it will work out. let them know. It sounds alot like what my man and I went thro for years, you have to follow what your heart wants, but make sure not to involve your children to early. It may upset them if things dont work out.

Kevlyn - posted on 12/11/2009

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ok...here's my advice... If you love him and you really think it will work AND he will make your children happy as well then don't listen to what anyone has to say about it...not even your parents. They will either get over there harsh feelings for him or you didn't need there support to start with.. I have been with guys that my parents did not like or even want me with, but they stated there opinion when I asked for it and other than that they kept there mouth shut and was nice to him when he was around and did not treat them any different than they would have someone else...b/c they love me and they wanted me to be happy... All that should matter to you is making your children and yourself happy, not anyone else and if they can't get over that then that is there problem. I would sit your parents down and explain to them your feelings and ask them to please try to accept it for the sake of you and your childrens happiness... I think that's about all you can do, but definatly don't make yourself unhappy to make someone else happy..if you do you will live a miserable life.... If this was rude in any way I am very very sorry! Good Luck :)

Crystal - posted on 12/11/2009

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It doesnt hurt to consider it. It has been ten years and people do tend to grow and change in ten years time.. you share a child and that is a hard bond to get over..just consider all the pros and cons and take it slow. good luck dear and live your life for you and your child..not your parents

Jennifer - posted on 12/11/2009

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I dunno. Love is a really tough thing to deal with in life. Its odd how its the one of the best feelings in the world, but also can be one of the most hurtful things in the world. Seeing how you have children I think you should do whatever is best for them. If being with him will be bad for the children in any way at all. I wouldn't. But if he loves you, you love him and you both love your children then... why not? hope i have helped!

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Jeanne - posted on 12/12/2009

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I hear you on all accounts. First, you say he lives in another country, well he needs to live where you and your children live. second, you can't pick up where you left off, that is not a good thing. Ten years, both of you have changed. I would say do the courting thing all over. Have him take you out, and no kissing until the third date, that kind of thing. Counseling is a definite, as both of you provoked the other.

God first, others second, yourself third. Keep that in mind and all should be well.

Cynthia - posted on 12/11/2009

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That is a hard question. You say he has a child also with his x-gf? be careful does he have a job does he support all of his kids or does he want you to take him back to take care of his problems. Sometimes it is easier to get back with someone without knowing what his attentions are. It might not be what you exspected and it is only harder to let go the second time. Good Luck..by the way it is up to you not your parents...

Gaynor - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting Kevlyn:



Quoting gaynor:




Quoting Jennifer:

I dunno. Love is a really tough thing to deal with in life. Its odd how its the one of the best feelings in the world, but also can be one of the most hurtful things in the world. Seeing how you have children I think you should do whatever is best for them. If being with him will be bad for the children in any way at all. I wouldn't. But if he loves you, you love him and you both love your children then... why not? hope i have helped!








my boys are aged 19,17,and 10  the 10 year old had never had  his dad but the other two did 








 my ex says he has changed and i believe him








but again thanks for the help 










Have you talked to your children and told them the situation and asked what they thought about it???????  You can message me and we can talk if you want!






two are old enough already one has a family who says go for it



the other is on the verge of leaving home and doesnt really care but he wants his dad



i got my youngest at home he has learning and behaviour problems but i look after him by  my self 



if anything goes wrong he will be out but we were young but  now is 10 years on and i still have feelings for him  

Kevlyn - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting andrea:

Well, regardless of what happened in the past & what your parents think...I would say go for it! Life is too short & you may as well be happy as long as you're living. Maybe it will be better than the 1st time. I'm sure you guys were just young & made immature mistakes.



I agree! but do make sure that both of you can leave the past in the past and not make the same mistakes again..

Gaynor - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting zoe:

don't take him back if you ask me . Beause it be like going back in time you have to move on with your life and find someone love you for who you are .If your mum and dad don't like him i think that could say it all. i know this becuase my mum and dad got back to together and it really didn't do us kids any good because they were always fighting about the past.



but we have got a past



i didnt put this in but we lost a baby in 1994 that put the strain in our relationship in the first place



my older boys want their dad back in their lifes and they remember how we were before



my oldest boy says go for it



my middle child wants his dad but doesnt know how he feels



but my ten year old never knew him i would love to give him a chance to know his dad

Andrea - posted on 12/11/2009

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Well, regardless of what happened in the past & what your parents think...I would say go for it! Life is too short & you may as well be happy as long as you're living. Maybe it will be better than the 1st time. I'm sure you guys were just young & made immature mistakes.

Kevlyn - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting gaynor:



Quoting Jennifer:

I dunno. Love is a really tough thing to deal with in life. Its odd how its the one of the best feelings in the world, but also can be one of the most hurtful things in the world. Seeing how you have children I think you should do whatever is best for them. If being with him will be bad for the children in any way at all. I wouldn't. But if he loves you, you love him and you both love your children then... why not? hope i have helped!






my boys are aged 19,17,and 10  the 10 year old had never had  his dad but the other two did 






 my ex says he has changed and i believe him






but again thanks for the help 






Have you talked to your children and told them the situation and asked what they thought about it???????  You can message me and we can talk if you want!

Alina - posted on 12/11/2009

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i went through similar situations with my ex. he will forever remain my ex. i tried for 8 years and finally had enough. the kids suffered and i would never put them through that again. i took him back time and again and he never changed. he still cheated he still hit me and he still drank too much and did drugs. i moved on finally and found the most wonderful man. i found that in most situations, they do not change. i think if you really love him and he is serious then maybe some couples counseling, BEFORE he comes back for good may be in order. make sure that you dont do to each other the same thing that was done in the past. if you can not move past the hurt and history from before then maybe it would be best to figure out how to co parent instead. i hope it does work out for you for the best, whatever that may be. i will remember you in my prayers. wishing you the best of luck.

Gaynor - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting Jennifer:

I dunno. Love is a really tough thing to deal with in life. Its odd how its the one of the best feelings in the world, but also can be one of the most hurtful things in the world. Seeing how you have children I think you should do whatever is best for them. If being with him will be bad for the children in any way at all. I wouldn't. But if he loves you, you love him and you both love your children then... why not? hope i have helped!



my boys are aged 19,17,and 10  the 10 year old had never had  his dad but the other two did 



 my ex says he has changed and i believe him



but again thanks for the help 

Zoe - posted on 12/11/2009

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don't take him back if you ask me . Beause it be like going back in time you have to move on with your life and find someone love you for who you are .If your mum and dad don't like him i think that could say it all. i know this becuase my mum and dad got back to together and it really didn't do us kids any good because they were always fighting about the past.

Veronica - posted on 12/11/2009

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If you love him and he loves you it shoudlnt matter what anyone thinks. If you know he's not going to phyically hurt you or your boys then why not give him a chance. In the end it's your choice and it's your life no one else's. However I really think it would be a good idea if you two recieve some couple's counceling because there is going to be anomsosity towards eachother also for you kids, it wouldnt hurt to go. Good luck follow your heart and dont listen to anyone you do what's best for you and your boys. Oh one more thing dont get back together just cuz your lonely because then it really wont work. You two have to serious about this cuz you dont want it to effect your kids in a negative way, also you should talk to your kids about this and see what they think. Good luck hon.

Gaynor - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting Andrea:

Sounds like my hubby and myself.. We dated when we were younger and it didn't work and 7 years later here I sit with two kids (with him) and married to that man that I always loved.. As for the parent part I am sorry to say this but, it is your life.. i told mine it was my life and I was still in love with him and wanted to be with him.. They will either take him in and handle the two of you giving things a try again or they will get upset and have a fit for a min but they will come around cuz they love you and your boys.. I was always told to follow my heart and listen to what he had to say.. I am very happy to have my kids and hubby in my life.. Hope this will help you some way.. If you ever just need to talk feel free to look me up.. Take care and Best wishes...



 



i was thinking that anyway



thank you



i just waiting for him to come home to me now



 



 





 

Andrea - posted on 12/11/2009

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Sounds like my hubby and myself.. We dated when we were younger and it didn't work and 7 years later here I sit with two kids (with him) and married to that man that I always loved.. As for the parent part I am sorry to say this but, it is your life.. i told mine it was my life and I was still in love with him and wanted to be with him.. They will either take him in and handle the two of you giving things a try again or they will get upset and have a fit for a min but they will come around cuz they love you and your boys.. I was always told to follow my heart and listen to what he had to say.. I am very happy to have my kids and hubby in my life.. Hope this will help you some way.. If you ever just need to talk feel free to look me up.. Take care and Best wishes...

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