What to do

Paul - posted on 10/07/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )




Hope it's ok a dad chimes in here. My daughter went to a post homecoming party with some girls having a sleepover after at her girlfriends house. A week later after seeing a pic of a boy taken at 2am we found out that he had also slept over. These parents seem to have very few rules if any. My daughter says they trust their 15 yo girl to make good choices. There didn't seem to be any supervision and sleeping arrangements were not a concern. How do I handle this. My daughter is no longer allowed at this house and is upset by this. I don't know whether to talk to the host parents or any of the other parents who had their 15 yo girls there. I can't imagine that they would approve.


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Lori - posted on 10/07/2014




I wouldn't hesitate to call out the parents in this case. unacceptable behavior for parents to allow this.

Chet - posted on 10/07/2014




I'm not sure how I would handle this exactly. I think it would depend a lot on the group of kids, the exact circumstances, if my daughter was generally pretty responsible, etc. If my kid was in a situation where there was lax supervision, and she handled herself well I'd be more happy than angry though.

Did you talk to your daughter about what went on at the sleepover, how they knew this boy, or how he came to be included? Did you talk to your daughter about what you think she should have done in that situation, and why?

Some families have a very open door policy when it comes to the friends of their kids, and they don't hover when kids come over not because they're terrible parents, they actually have very good intentions. They want to provide a safe place for the teens to go, and they legitimately trust their kid.

The thing is, teens who drink, or do drugs, or have sex don't do it just because they have a venue at the house where the parents don't supervise closely. They usually become interested in risky behaviour and then go looking for a place to participate in it.

So if you think your daughter is having sex with this boy, or is looking to become sexually active, banning her from this friend's house won't stop it. And if this was just a bunch of kids who were out at party, went back to this house because it was the house that was willing to tolerate the noise and mess in the middle of the night, it might not be a big deal. Sometimes you just get a boy who hangs out with a bunch of girls like he's one of the girls. Sometimes, when a party ends, there's somebody who can't easily get home, needs a place to sleep and there's a kid there who knows that everyone is welcome at their house.

It's always a good idea to get to know the parents of the your kids' friends. I probably wouldn't contact other parents specifically to go to task over this, although I would definitely take every opportunity to trade information with parents and to get to know them better.

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