What to do about a 4yr old overly demanding and needy

Jessica - posted on 05/07/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )




Hi, my partner has a 4 year old daughter who we only get to see 5 days a fortnight! I am starting to be extremely concerned of her behaviors after the other night. I'll give you a quick background of her needy behaviors!
She will not sleep in her own bed! Refuses too will cry and wing and say things until daddy caves in. She kept coming to him to change the channel on the Telly she was watching and only did it cause she wanted him to stay with her. She told me once that she can reach the tap in the kitchen but not to tell daddy so he could keep doing it for her. She refuses to wipe her bum, that daddy should do it! She will never play on her own, one of us must help her play! She will always sit on top of us and never give us space, if it's not on top of one of us it's between us! She can get dressed herself but demands one of us to do it. She refuses to eat healthy food, and she does like it but just won't, just wants take away all the time. She always gets daddy to put her rubbish in the bin or just throws it on the floor and when you ask her nicely to put it I the bin she laughs and tells you to do it and walks off. The list goes on but I think you have the idea now.
My major concern was, I was cuddling with my partner the other night and she came to see us as she does, every five minutes and I got up to check on our dinner. She sat with her dad and as I came back she gave me this smirk as if to say "haha I'm here now" then she started to do something strange. She put her hand on his cheek and kissed him...and it was weird...it's the way I would kiss her dad. I'm not saying it's wrong for the affection between dad and daughter but this was different!! I understand she may be feeling some kind of jealousy towards me and I believe that's normal in separated families. Yet this demanding and attention seeking has gotten pretty bad over the last couple of months. It worries me as I feel she is becoming a problem child and she is smart girl and has a hell of a lot going for her but I don't know what to do about it. I spoke with my partner about it and he is changing a few things but she just gets more demanding and finds other ways to get around it until she gets what she wants! Any tips people??


Michelle - posted on 05/07/2014




At lot of the problems are because he is giving in to her demands and that just encourages her to continue.
He should be saying no and meaning it. She knows she has Dad wrapped around her little finger and that he will do everything for her, why should she do it herself?
Yes, she's probably upset that she has to share her Dad but he needs to be a parent, not a do everything she demands. It will be hard at first because she knows that if she cries, screams then eventually he will give in. He needs to NOT give in. Ignore her when she's having a tantrum. Don't even tell her to stop. If she's getting out of bed, just put her straight back without talking to her. If she's not getting any attention (good or bad) then she will eventually give up. All she wants is his attention and she will do anything to get it. You need to reinforce the good behaviour gets attention, not bad.

1 Comment

View replies by

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms