What to do about my teen daughter

Cindy - posted on 04/08/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )




I am having problems with one of my teens. I have two teenage daughters. I have a 16 almost 17 year old and a 13 year old. They are the complete opposites. My oldest daughter is respectful, talks to me about things, and is very helpful. My daughter that is 13, I can not seem to do anything right. I am a disabled mom and because of that I feel like I do let them down alot as far as being able to take them places and do things so I do feel like a bad mom sometimes. I just do not understand my 13 year old. She just had her first breakup with her middle school boyfriend and I have been trying to help her but she would prefer to post on facebook how sad she is and talk to her friends about it. I have tried to be understanding but I just get yelled out and told to get out of her room, leave her alone, and no one likes me. She will also throw my disability in my face as well alot She will get me upset and then say what are you going to go in your room and cry now. She does not give me any help her grades are slipping she sees me struggle to do laundry and clean up and she does nothing to help me. The only time she is nice is when she wants something and as soon as she gets it, I am hated again I have tried to reason with her and give her more freedom but I can not let her go out and do what she wants when her grades are not great, she does not clean her room, and she is so mean she will bring me to tears. I am in a situation with my disability where I am in alot of pain on a daily basis and it does not phase her at all. My oldest daughter seems to understand and she helps me. She is a honors student and has never said the things that the 13 year old says to me. I feel like giving her a taste of her own medicine She is sweet as can be to her friends but to me she is just mean and it is like she wants to hurt me. I feel like because I am disabled that maybe she has missed out on things and she resents me for it but I try to do everything I can to make up for it and i am even a little more less strict sometimes on her because I feel guilty. She will say sorry sometimes however usually it is just if she wants her computer back or the phone but as soon as I saw no it is well you are a bitch anyway. I feel like givng her the same treatment she gives me but I love her so much, I could never do that. I am not sure what else to do at this point. Does anyone have any advice to help. I have to deal with pain all day long and I really do not want my child to hate me. Thanks for your help


Medic - posted on 04/08/2012




Well take a step back and don't make this a pity party about you. This is about whatever is going on with her.

When I was 13 I hated my parents and told them all the time. My parents were amazing, we went and did things as a family, they listened, they punished me when I needed it, always loved me, I had the world. It was not until I was older that I saw that. 13 sucked for me, all the hormones, I felt crazy, misunderstood, not normal. My parents got me in with an amazing therapist but it took me about 2 months before I would actually talk to her.

Your children are two totally different people and it is not fair to either one to sit there and compare the two of them across the board. I have 2 brothers and all 3 of us are completely different, from our temperments, our moods, our outlooks, down to our religious and political views.

You are doing her no favors by being leinient with her because YOU feel bad. Parenting sucks and its hard sometimes but you are her mom not her friend. She has found a way to manipulate you and you allow it. She is 13 therefore she is still a child and should not be able to manipulate you to get things back that she lost.

It really does not matter if she talks to you or not about her feelings because what 13 year old seriously thinks their parents have a clue? Just keep reminding her you are there for her and willing to listen but don't push. The more you push the harder she is going to push back.

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