what to do when my son is touching girls?

Lisamarie81m - posted on 07/25/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )




My son is 6, he will tell you that he hates girls, but that is far from the truth. I also have an almost 11 year old sister so they are close and he ends up having crushes on her friends. I have told him about bad touches but he came home form a night at grandmas and she told me he put his hand down this girls shirt. come to find out after I talked to him he did that, gave her a wedgie, touched her butt ane more. I had a long talk with him and I have since grounded him but I dont know what else to say to get him to understand that he is too young to be touching girls. we told him that people can go to jail for that, that when a neighbor tired to pull his pants down it was not a good feeling and it made me upset so the girl and her mom will be upset. he says he understands but I just dont know. And no he was not sexualy abused I have told him that he can tell me, he should tell me if something like that happens. sorry to make this soo long I just dont know a better way to explain everything. Any advice?????


JL - posted on 07/25/2009




I would find out exactly where he got this behavior from....so you can directly and completely deal with the situation.

Amanda - posted on 07/25/2009




I think a lot of the above suggestions are great and agree with most of them. I definitely think you need to start at home though, checking tv ratings on shows, movies, etc...Does his older sister "teach" him things just through general conversation or hanging out with her friends? Or, which you said he was not abused because you asked him....but do you understand the severity of fear a child goes through when something like that happens?
A 6 yr old child should not have grasped the concept that its a funny prank to touch girls private parts, period. I think you are trying to do a great thing by getting to the bottom of it, but I would not rule out abuse unless you are the only one your son spends time with 100% of the time 24/7 and that's just not the case.

Marta - posted on 07/25/2009




I would take a hard look at what he's seeing in the media; if you or your husband watch tv shows that are more suitable for those aged 14+ then he might be getting the ideas from that (some shows that are on during the days or evening are very sexually explicit and sometimes as parents we don't really notice it or see anything wrong with it). Does he play any video games or do his friends play video games that may be relatively explicit sexually? There are lots of places where he may be getting the impression that that kind of behaviour is okay, a friend might be telling him that he's done these things. A friend of mine recently told me that her son was playing with a boy in the playground that told him he had put his penis in a girls vagina (the boy is 7 yrs. old) Children are becoming sexually active without knowing it these days. (I have my opinions on the matter but that's not what this thread is about) I would try to get to the root of the problem, where is he getting this information, and deal with it at the root either talking to other parents about what you feel is appropriate or inappropriate for your son to be watching or playing. If the behaviour continues then I would recommend taking away priveleges such as tv, video games, playdates, going to grandmas etc. If all else fails consult with a child psychiatrist and your family doctor. Good Luck!

[deleted account]

I have the opposite of you my daughter is 6 and my son is 11. I am constantly on my daughter to stop touching, hugging, trying to kiss other people. She was saying things like "Oh he's so hot! look at that bootie!" I was shocked!! Then I heard her brother and his friends goofing around saying the same phrase about some girl. Being 11 it is perfectally normal for them to be going through the stage of wedgies and trying to touch and kiss girls, she just was following their lead. Now that the older sibling and their friends are starting puberty and all that comes with it, it's time to make sure the younger one isn't overhearing or learning things they are not ready for yet. Ask your older child and her friends to be careful about what they are talking about when he's around. Hope this helps!!

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Sarah - posted on 07/25/2009




I don't think he's neccesarily copying behavior, I think he just probably doesn't see the seriousiness of it. I can imagine how that's making you feel :( Have you thought about a family psyhcologist? If it continues I would consider seeing one just to see what they have to say. Thats a really tough subject!

Briana - posted on 07/25/2009




i think that maybe anthor thing to expalin to him is that it's not approiate to touch anyone like that unless they are in a relationship, as in mommy and daddy relationships. He's six so he has some concept of how a relationship from a brother and sister differs from mom and dad. I think the best thing to do is keep talking to him, and enforcing what you have already covered. I also think its probally a little hard for him to relize the seriousness of jail. I would foucus more on how it makes the other person feel uncofortable, and that it's just not a nice thing to do.

Sharon - posted on 07/25/2009




Someone is teaching him that this is ok. Where did he see it to get the idea?

I think you've done what you can so far. If it happens again - you need to get more tough about the punishment though. 6 yrs old, dang.

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