What would you do?

Melissa - posted on 11/29/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )




I've been married for almost 10 years. We have 2 children. My husband is not romantic at all. He says and has said since our marriage that the reason is because his ex fiance broke him from it. (Apparently he was before he met me, but obviously she didn't appreciate it.) I love my husband, but he NEVER compliments me, NEVER! I never hear that I'm pretty, or I look nice in that outfit, or he likes my smile- nothing. He never kisses me, nothing other than a peck on the cheek or lightly on the lips. Even during sex he doesn't kiss me, although I pretty much do anything he asks of me. He never shows any affection other than a brief hug. I've been dealing with this for quite some time now and I'm at the end of my rope. I've tried on many different occasions to let him know that I would like affection and being touched and kissed, but in the end I get nothing. I guess I just feel like there is absolutely no passion. I'm tired of begging and need some advice.


NIcki - posted on 11/29/2014




This in my opinion is a major problem. I have an issue myself that I will be posting about regarding being in a 4 yr relationship and dealing with my BF's older children. I say that all to say that I have gone through lots and lots of relationship counseling in my life. As I was married years ago and have gone through pre-marital counseling, as well as family therapy.

It concerns me that your husband is still stuck on what an "ex" fiancé did to him. When he's been blessed to have you in his life for 10 years. My BF can be lacking in the romance and consideration department sometimes. And he admitted to me today that it's because he was in a terrible marriage for 15 years before we met. And he believes he gave all his love and efforts to the wrong woman. He admitted he doesn't embrace marriage and the idea of it because of how evil she treated him. My point is, he ( your husband) must still be stuck in his past. I have seen an excellent family therapist about my BF's issues, and the counselor told me that he may need years of counseling for him to finally release his issues from the past.

Each counselor we have seen told me that I need to decide now if I want to deal with it, as it can take years for people to get over past hurts and pains. Also, I am sure you have heard the saying.."Hurting people, hurt people". That's still no excuse though, because as your husband he is called to give you the love that you need. If your love language is love, attention, and affection. He needs to do it, and stop making excuses. It is also very important for your children to witness true love. So that they have a gauge other than what they see on TV or in the world, as to what true love looks like.

I don't think people should just jump and get a divorce. But I do know women that have successfully "encouraged" their husbands to change. When they put their foot down on a deal breaker type issue. One of my friends begged and pleaded to her husband for years that she felt unloved, and needed time, attention, and affection. He ignored her requests and tears year after year. She finally moved out of the house and got her own apartment. Consulted a lawyer, and a therapist and told him she was done begging him for love. She remained moved for a year.

He flipped out, chased her the whole year she was moved out. Went to church, and sought counseling on his own (something he wouldn't do before), and cried and pleaded for her not to leave. As I stated, she didn't give in right away. She remained moved for a year, and lived her life to be sure he was serious. He now is very supportive, wants to spend time with her all the time. Supports her walk with God, and at least really tries to be a better husband. Sometimes people ( men especially), need a shock factor. Especially when they think you're never going anywhere.

Just my opinion. Blessings.

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