When is the the right time to move in with a boyfriend?

Asia - posted on 03/22/2011 ( 6 moms have responded )




Right now Iam going through a situation if I should moved in with my boyfriend. We been together for over a year now. I have 2 children and the father of my kids chose not to be invloved. I am not looking for a father for my kids I just want someone who will love me and my children (package deal). My kids love him they get along great but however hes a single guy with no kids. So I am bit nervous taking this step with living together but I dont want to make the wrong choice.


Kellie - posted on 12/04/2013




I disagree with the he should marry you first comments. People get divorced all the time. If he wants to live with you and is good to your kids then you should try it out. I think you and your kids have been around him long enough to know if it's right. He doesn't have to marry you now to stay with you forever my husband and I were together with kids 10 years before we got married. Him wanting to go to the next level is a commitment.

Rachel - posted on 03/24/2011




If he is a great guy and loves you and your children, why would he not fully support you by marrying you? If he won't commit to you 100% then why would you put yourself and your children through the heartbreak of only a temporary relationship. Marriage says I love you and commit to being there for you for the rest of my life. Moving in says hey, this would be more convenient and it feels good....for now.
Love yourself and your kids enough to find someone who's man enough to be your man....and commit to you and your kids. The children, at least, deserve to have this decision be more about them than about you and him. "If it feels good then do it" is a motto that has often led to pain for children. I wish more adults would make decisions based on what is best for their kids than for themselves....because in the end...it would be best for you too.
I hope you find what you are looking for and I hope the best for you....and your children.

JuLeah - posted on 03/22/2011




Hummm .... if he is an adult in the home and in relationship with you, he will be in the 'father' role. He needs to understand what 'step parent' means and be willing to take that on. That is what you and the kids (package deal) means.
One year is not a long time ... how old are your kids?

You have done long vacations? Long car trips?

He gets that your kids will always come first and he wants it to be like that?

It is nice to have someone who will love you and your kids, but I do hope that is not all you are looking for. If that is really all you want and all he has to offer, it won't last a week.

You deserve and need to be looking for somone who will be your partner - stand with you, stand by you. Someone willing to get up with a sick kid at 3am and be at work by 8. Someone willing to take a personal day to be home with a sick kid. Someone willing to do homework, shop, make dinner, clean house, put gas in the tank, water the garden, walk the dog .... someone willing to make a vacation kid focused and not adults only .... taking on a ready made family is a big deal ... he might do well to talk with someone who has walked that road and is glad they did, so he can get an idea of what it will be like.

Emily - posted on 03/22/2011




With kids involved, I would not move in with someone unless I was sure the relationship was going to be permanent. I think I'd need to at least be engaged, if not married. It can be seriously traumatic for kids to become attached to a parent-figure if it doesn't end up working out. Not a decision to be made lightly or hastily.

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Asia - posted on 03/22/2011




Thanks that was really helpful. My kids are the age of 9yrs daughter and 6yrs old son. On weekends my kids and I do stay over and spend the entire weekend with him. Durring the weekdays we are together as well but we dont spend the night. He is a great roll model towards my kids and he has been there through thick and thin when there father wasnt around them. He has talked to someone who has been in that sitation before which was his father. That is why I think he feels alright being with someone who has kids an taking on that role. But Iam the first single mom hes in a serious relationship with.

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