when should a newborn leave her mother?

Lindsey - posted on 01/01/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )




My situation is very different and to some may seem well not very normal. Trust me this I know. My boyfriend and I broke up for about two months and during that time he managed to get another girl pregnant who he had been seeing for about a month. I had told him I thought it was in the best interest of her and there unborn child to try and have some kind of relationship with her as in trying to make it work. He wants no part in that and he and I are back together and living with one another, He wants joint custody of the child and wants it as soon as she is born. I have done a lot of researcher and have found that it really is not that simple. My concern is that as a mother myself is it really in the best interest of this child to start splitting up her time between are home and hers when she is about a month old? I worry though that he wont get to spend that time with her that is so very important I also worry that it will be I who is taking care of her when we do have her. I am more than willing to help and do whatever I can to help raise her I just have so many mixed feelings. I do not know what the right thing to do is and really need some help!


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FoxyMom - posted on 01/02/2013




My fiance had something similar. After the child was born we had short visits, the mother stayed. The older she got the longer the visits and then the mother didn't stay. now that she is 7 months old, she is doing over nights with him. According to the doctor, it is better to start overnights then becuase the older she gets the harder it would be on her. Communication is key so you keep the same schedule. We talked to a lawyer and he advised us that joint custody would not happen until the child is at least 1 year old.

Jodi - posted on 01/01/2013




I think it depends on the situation. Is the mother planning on breastfeeding (which IS what is in the best interests of the child. If she is (which you and your partner should support), then no, joint custody isn't really a feasible option. In that situation, you might look at trying to have contact for a couple of hours here an there during the week, and as breastfeeding establishes, and depending on how that is going, you may be able to work up to some overnight stays, and then once the child is older you can get to a joint custody arrangement. The important thing here is maintaining ongoing regular contact, even if it is only for shorter amounts of time.

If the child is not being breastfed, I can't see why joint custody wouldn't work, but if you feel that you will be the one always taking care of her, and you aren't really wanting it that way, then maybe you'd be best to make arrangements for shorter times. For instance, if he is working anyway, it may not be the best solution, and perhaps make the arrangements around the time he CAN spend building a relationship with her.

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