Tata - posted on 07/22/2015 ( 14 moms have responded )
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Well I got pregnant at 15 with my son.. I married my husband when I was 18.. well his biological father only came around once when my son was 18 months old and the way t about that made my husband not like him at all... Well my son just turned 8 and now his biological father has started messaging me asking how he is and such (husband isn't happy) Well I am wondering when and how is the best way to explain to my son whats going on and keep the peace in case his biological father wants to come around (again im having to keep in mind my husband absolutely cannot stand him and doesn't want him around our son)
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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/22/2015
13,264
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2015
Um...also, at this point, family counseling may be a good idea. Your husband has a big adjustment, and so do you and your son. Having some coping mechanisms is a good idea
♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/22/2015
13,264
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2015
Does not matter that he's not on the birth certificate. If a paternity test proves out, he's got the right to be a parent, regardless of past drug use. That episode was 6.5 YEARS ago, after all, and you don't know what's gone on since.
Your husband can be offended and upset all he wants, but he needs to man up, realize that he IS NOT the biological father of this child, and be supportive of the child's relationship with his biological father. It will only raise him in the child's eyes, anyway, if he's a man about the whole thing.
The child having a relationship with his biological father should not be perceived as a threat to any other relationship, either.
You need to face this situation maturely. You didn't choose to share the information when it would have been easiest, so it's going to be a bit of a struggle now, but you owe it to your child to foster this relationship. The child has the right to it, even if you don't wish it to happen.
♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/22/2015
13,264
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2015
well, your husband doesn't have any say in whether or not the child's biological father can or cannot be involved in his life, nor do you have the right to determine that the child's biological father not be involved, so I recommend that you not only tell your son what is going on, but get paternity fully established, so that custody can be granted, and support and visitation figured out.
Whether or not you want support from the guy, he's still got every right to be a parent to the child that you and he co created together. I understand that you were very young, but that is a result of your very mature choice to have sex. You get to co parent with this person for the next 10 years, and you've gotten off easy...because you've not been doing so for the last 8.
Time to come clean, and be ready for the next step of visitation rights.