When your boyfriend possibly could have father a baby by another women

Nicole - posted on 07/04/2016 ( 1 mom has responded )




I have been with my boyfriend for 3yrs now going on 4 he's 31 & I'm 25 I really love him dearly but he cheated & got another women pregnant which she claims he's the father of the child, I can't stress the issue of how hurt I am I try now not to think about it but is so hard, which this is not his first time cheating he have a couple of time in the past but I forgave him for that now here comes a woman saying he's the father I'm so confused on what to do


JoAnne - posted on 07/06/2016




This is a difficult situation and I’m sure this level of hurt makes it hard to think about your options logically. And you have invested a lot of time in this relationship which makes the whole thing doubly hard.

My advice is to try to imagine this isn’t your relationship or your situation but someone else’s so as to separate the facts from the emotions. What are the facts? List them. Red flags to look for in a dating relationship include controlling behaviors, dishonesty, addiction issues, inability to apologize, unwillingness to get help, anger, lack of self-control, being self- absorbed and avoiding conflict. Of course there are more, but do you see any of these in your list?

On the other hand, white flags (green flags, purple flags … whatever color you consider awesome) to look for include unconditional love that shows selflessness, love that reflects deep commitment to a constantly growing friendship, excitement to be with one another and of course monogamous physical attraction. I have been happily married for almost 22 years and I consider all four of those things as necessary. Those 22 years have not always been easy, but they have been full of rich experiences that my husband and I shared intimately with each other. I believe a strong foundation for marriage or a dating relationship must have two people who desire to be bound to each other over every-one and every-thing else.

So take a deep breath, take a step back, and look at your situation through new eyes. If you decide to pursue the relationship you may want to engage in relationship building activities. If you decide to end the relationship take advantage of resources available for emotional and spiritual support. If you would like recommendations for any of those I’m happy to make suggestions. I know it’s difficult but you will get thru this.

1 Comment

View replies by

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms