Why would XBOX interfere?? UGH

Traci - posted on 03/02/2010 ( 10 moms have responded )




So here's the thing i just finished reading another convo about a women complaining how her significant other always plays xbox and doesn't help with anything including the baby!! I would have commented on that string but it wasn't allowing any other comments! I did read a bunch of the other posts though, and im sorry i jsut have to say I DONT GET IT!! My husband plays xbox too, sometimes for hours, but on his own time, NOT when it interferes with time with his daughter and me!! He never plays when she's awake, usually his play time happens after she's down for the night or when he's home alone. And if he's home alone he almost always makes sure to get dishes or laundry or something else done so i can't say anything when i get home!! When he started to play the xbox every night, i made rules and he agreed!!!! Tues, Thurs and one night on the weekend!! No im not a crazy demanding wife, but why would i want to sit alone every night while he played xbox, I just dont understand why so many women are like "oh my husband wont help, he just plays on the computer" heeeeeeelllllllllllllllllllllloooooooooooooo just tell them whats what! They have a baby and a family and YOU, and these things are waaaaaay more important then any computer game!! They will only treat you how you let them!! Maybe if they don't see the important things going on outside his XBOX its time for you to reconsider what kind of man he is!!


Jessica - posted on 03/05/2010




Just to throw in my two cents worth - in response to:

"They will only treat you how you let them!! Maybe if they don't see the important things going on outside his XBOX its time for you to reconsider what kind of man he is!!"

If a grown man played X-box, it would be a deal-breaker for me. Thankfully, my husband does not and I have been married for almost 20 years.

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Jenny - posted on 03/14/2011




Its a lot more complicated (or maybe we complicate it) than you make it sound. My husband has a bit of a gaming issue but i always feel weird asking him to get off and be with me. I feel like he should want that of his own free will not with me nagging him to it. But it doesnt come from his own free will. So then i blow up at him and he says how sorry he is and how he didnt realize and of course he loves me. I know this sounds dumb, but i can tell that he is very sincere. Then i also just feel guilty asking him not to play. He has been at work all day so deserves a brake. Its very tricky.

I have told him to do alternative nights but things dont work out that way. Some times other things can come up on his alternate game night and then throws everything out of whack. I kind of just go with whatever until (and if) he drives me nuts after which he'll feel guilty and not touch the comp for a couple days. lol. we can come to a compromise but it just doesnt work in real life.

Jade - posted on 03/08/2010




I completly agree with you. My boyfriend used to play his xbox 360 all of the time and would ignore my baby and myself, so I flat out told him "if all your going to do is play games all day we are not going to be coming around anymore." So now he only plays when the baby is asleep, and when the baby is awake he is playing with him and has actually realized how much fun it can be to spend time with your child. so yeah I totally agree if your significant other is ignoring you because his friends "online" are more important maybe you should tell them whats what or get out asap

[deleted account]

My hubby has his 360, I have my computer and we share a NintendoDS but we don't use them until our son is in bed for the night.

Nicole - posted on 03/05/2010




yea well my s/o plays while the kids are up, dishes or laundery needs to be done. he comes home from wark and sraight to the 360. It drives me nuts my nerves are already frazzled. from being home with the kids all day and he comes home like he's a kid getting home from school with no responsibilties...when he gets into a game he is oblivious to the real world and he ignores the kids and me!!!

Coleen - posted on 03/04/2010




I didn't mean to come off as a witch (or whatever letter you want to replace the "w" with ~*smiles*~). Not all men are like my first husband. Some are like my second husband, when his son was born (with his first wife) he would come home and help as much as he could, he was a military man and didn't get to see his son until the baby was almost six months old. He had his game time and his baby time. He helped with the housework and did what he could.

Some men are more open to "helping" than others. My father, who was raised in the time when changing a baby's diaper was "woman's work" was one of the first ones to jump off the couch and grab the grandbaby and change a diaper. A lot of it depends on how they were raised.

I didn't mean to reply in such a way that anyone took offense. And I am sorry if I offended anyone. My first husband was very abusive and that is one of the reasons why we are divorced. He would not have even taking a discussion or a plea for help, as it was not in his nature.

My point was that some men are better equipped to be a "daddy" than others. Just because they can donate their sperm to the cause, does not make them "daddy" material. A "daddy" will help take care of the child, helping us with housework, bathing, feeding, making sure we have some time to ourselves. Then you have the other type which is a "father," a father has very little interaction other than discipline and bringing home a paycheck. Sometimes laying down the "law" with this type can be hazardous to the mom's health, not that every man will react the way mine did, others will just ignore the mom and continue to do whatever they want. Its a shame, because this type of man is missing out on one of the most rewarding times of having a child, the smiles, the little laughs that send the entire room into fits of giggles (there is nothing funnier than a baby's laugh!), the little milestones that make those nine months of misery so worth it!

Generally, if a couple can sit down and work out a compromise - then everyone is happier. It isn't unreasonable to ask the other parent (whether it is the mother or the father) to limit certain activities to times when the child is asleep, or out of the house on errands with the other parent. It isn't only reasonable to ask that certain things be limited to those times, but it helps to keep the family together and the baby to grow up healthier in body, mind and spirit.

Tracy - posted on 03/02/2010




that's great that your husband is considerate, but not all men are. I've known men who would let a crying child sit in a dirty diaper next to them rather than stop their game to change the baby. Telling them, begging, screaming, none of it will help a self absorbed jerk. Those are the ones that are usually shocked by divorce papers too.... "But I was home with the family all the time....?" Breathing the same air is not spending time with your family or parenting....

Glad you don't have those issues though!

Traci - posted on 03/02/2010




To Coleen, i'm sorry i guess i used the wrong word buy saying "rules" we made an agreement and it works!! He gets his game time, but spends plenty of time being a husband, a dad, and an excellent provider!! The point of my post was that it was just so frustrating to read the other post and see sooo many women just complaining how they're husbands don't do anything and consoling each other by saying "don't worry my husband is the same way" I dont think it makes it okay that just because there are so many other husbands out there like that, that its okay. Its unfortunate that so many women wont stand up for themselves and tell their husbands to get off their asses, instead they come on here and vent and they feel reassured that other people deal with this too. I have a dear friend of mine who will probably be dealing with this type of scenario when she has children and i just hate it!!! And it is unfortunate but some men are children, of course these are then men that should not be having children of their own but do!! And you know what Krista is right i shouldnt be saying just men cause there are women that are just as bad. People just have to find a compromise that works for both parties!! Nobody should be restricted to just venting to us and then having nothing changed at home!!!

Coleen - posted on 03/02/2010




My boyfriend plays on the xbox every night after he gets home from work, sometimes until 4am. During the day, he gets up around 11am, goes and works out at the Y for a couple of hours, generally taking my 14 year old daughter with him so she can swim at the pool, comes home, showers, does a little bit of house work and then goes to work. If it is his day off, then he does housework all day (well, he picks a room and works on it until it is clean), goes and works out, and then comes home and helps out again. It has nothing to do with telling them "the rules" - they aren't children! It may have worked in your world ~ but if I had tried to tell my first husband that there were rules to his "fun time" I would have been slapped! It has to do with respect! If your man doesn't respect you and the fact that he has fathered children then he will do as he pleases no matter how much you complain. If he is reasonable and respects you and his family then you shouldn't even have to lay down "rules" he will do that on his own.

Krista - posted on 03/02/2010




Some men (and women too) just have a harder time adjusting to the fact that they have those new responsibilities, and that their "me" time is going to have to be severely curtailed. It doesn't make them bad people, it just means that they've got some growing up to do. And in a lot of cases, we women have a bad habit of expecting guys to just know when certain things need to be done, and aren't clear about what we want.

However, if the wife is very clear about what is needed, and the husband is still ignoring the family for the sake of the xBox (or computer, or knitting, or stamp collection), then yeah, it's time for an ass-kicking, counselling or both.

My husband's pretty great at doing what needs to be done without me having to ask him. But even then, I've discovered that things go a lot better if I give him that half-hour after work to futz around on the computer and decompress before I start asking him to do stuff.

By the way, nice jacket on your kid! :)

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