Withholding Parenting Time..Why?

Jodi - posted on 05/27/2011

I agree with you, it happens far too often, and often I don't think it about the child's best interests at all. I can understand in certain circumstances, and I do know there are genuine reasons, but I hear it so often on here about people using the children to control the other person, or because they just don't like the other parent. I don't understand it either. I can't stand my ex, he rarely pays child support, but I never stop him seeing or talking to his son (within reason of course).

Barb - posted on 05/28/2011

When R and i had Jr, we were young kids. We were both 20. We are different people now, but back then, we were rather immature.
He was physical with me and very controlling. On one occasion he had taken Jr from me to his parents house. My nearest relative was 500 miles away. His parents wouldn't let me have my son back because they knew i would leave with him. I wasn't confident enough to think the police would back me up. I also recalled my own father kidnapping me my from mom and the policeman saying, "he's her father, you aren't divorced yet, he's allowed to take her"

So he had already given me reasons to distrust him before the divorce.

It's funny you say that JuLeah, it's what i thought when we got divorced. "The last time i was in this courthouse was to get our marriage license.. so it starts and ends here"

As part of our divorce the judge ordered us to take co-parenting classes. It allowed us to mature and come to grips with the situation and how to act in Jr's best interest from then on.

I asked him to meet me at the park one day (neutral ground) and we had a frank discussion about our parents being divorced and how much we hated it when one parent would talk bad about the other parent. I'm half my mom and half my dad, so if Dad calls mom a bitch, i'm half bitch.. and if Mom calls Dad an asshole, i'm half asshole. It's really not good for my self esteem to be a bitchy asshole.
We both decided then and there that just because we didn't make good spouses, it didn't mean we were bad parents. He could parent at his house, and i would parent at my house and we would back each other up.

It was like a load had been lifted and life got so much easier after that!! To this day Jr's dad and i are friends and get along better now than we ever did when we were married.

When Jr graduated from high school and then later USMC bootcamp, we all went together to enjoy it and hung out together, ate together, bought each other's coffee, took each other's pictures etc.

And how nice is that for Jr to have all his parents celebrating his accomplishment? Because that is what it is about, doing whatever it takes to raise a happy, socially healthy, independent adult.

JuLeah - posted on 05/28/2011

I think people divorce in much the same way they were married

Megan - posted on 05/28/2011

Yes people NEED to put the children first, They dont want to see adults fighting and not getting along. They need to see BOTH parents regardless of what they dont like about the other parent! If not that parent doesnt belong having custody!!