Working Mom Vs. Stay at Home Mom...Will this controversy ever end?

[deleted account] ( 21 moms have responded )

I work to help provide for my family, if I was to stay home we would have to make sacrifices to get by. But is the biggest sacrifice not seeing every moment of my sons life.....

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Cherie_lemm - posted on 08/01/2010

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Most mum's having this debate are young with children. I am 5o and have raised five son's, I was at home for 18 year's until they were all at school.Yes we went without material thing's, but the time I had with them in there young year's will never be replaced. On the other hand, my partner is 60 and his only memory of his mum as a child is being dragged out of bed early in the morning as his mum worked from when he was a little fellow. He has no memory of lovely hot porridge breakfasts, no home made lunches. Her waiting at the gate for his return in the afternoon. School holidays he had to go to work with his dad or as they got older help out in the businesses his parents went on to own. They now feel as if they were never really wanted or that they had to take care of them self's. Harsh I know, but think of the young memories you are giving your kid's....are the material thing's you are striving for really worth it. There only young for a very short time.

Griselda - posted on 07/29/2010

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No, this topic will never end just like the whole breastfeeding vs. formula topic will never end or the ear pearcing or circumcision....the list goes on and on....

What mother's needed to say regardless of their decision is "Great for you... you are doing what is best for YOUR family"and that's it. You will shut the person up immediately.

[deleted account]

The problem is that alot of people are passionate about their views on parenting - which isnt actually a problemuntil they try to tell people that their way is the "right" way and all other ways are wrong. Everyone is in a different situation that requires different ways of living but until everyone remembers and respects this then there will always be one view vs another "controversies". Just know that you are doing what is best for your family and shrug off any comments that try to tell you otherwise. Unfortunately the judgementalism goes both ways - I have seen plenty of scathing remarks about working moms as well as SAHMs. There is no right and wrong just different :)

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[deleted account]

I need to help provide also, but can't bear to be away from my daughter. Solution: be a stay at home mommy who works from home. I nanny in my home, but you could sell products, medical transcriptionist, journalism, a huge number of things!

Abbie - posted on 08/02/2010

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this debate will continue on just as the breastfeeding one and the natural birth vs c section. You will never change others minds, but you have to do what is right for your family, and if working is right then hold your head high and be proud.

Neither is better or worse, its all on what works for your family.

Ashley - posted on 08/02/2010

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i personally am not cut out to be a stay at home mom. For the year i was off with my son i hated it. We had no money to do anything or go anywhere so i was stuck in an apartment. Even if we had money there's only so much you can do. I thought the break would be nice but i didnt enjoy it. With our 2nd my husband stayed home and i went to school. Now i'm working, my husband is going to school and both children in daycare. They love daycare, being around the other kids and i love working. There shouldnt be a debate about it, its whatever works for your family. My sister loves being a stay at home mom and wouldnt change it for anything. My mom was a working mom and we went to daycare. I dont look back on my childhood and think i was cheated out of having a mom. She did what she had to do and what she wanted to do. Even if my husband made tons of money for me to be able to stay home, i wouldnt.

Renee - posted on 08/01/2010

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I work 4 days and stay at home 3 I own my own business and feel I have the best of both worlds. Looking after the kids is non stop, then theres the cleaning and cooking too. I try to make my life simpler with the help of slow cookers and pressure cookers..........and good makeup to cover my dark circles when im tired. Being my own boss means that I can be flexible with my hours my little girl starts school next year, if I worked for someone else this couldnt happen. Whether your a SAHM or working mum we all work hard and are exhausted.

Kathy - posted on 08/01/2010

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it always will be... if we could do it with me at home I wouldn't go back but with just bills and rent its too tight on just my husbands so I'm going back in 2 weeks. We're hoping that things work out for me to stay home when we have a second because if I go back I'll be working to pay daycare, so I'd just work PT nights or something so we wouldn't need one.

User - posted on 08/01/2010

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iam a stay at home mom and love it i see my baby every day ,i wouldnt wont some on tell me so the baby walk to day for the first time and u didnt see it .we have one income and we do fin.but if u wont to work doit

[deleted account]

I respect a mother's right to choose what is best for her family. My mother was an Out of Home Mom (lol) and it was good for us. I raised us. I am a SAHM and my daughter is thriving. It's what is best for her. We did the math and, if I was working, my entire paycheque would be going to daycare. What would be the point of that?

Tracy - posted on 07/30/2010

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All moms are working moms. It's a 24/7/365 job, no vacations, no insurance, no overtime. Some of us have to pile on a job outside the home too, though. Being a mom is tough, regardless of the economic situation.

Momof1 - posted on 07/30/2010

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Also, my husband doesn't even want me to work weekends, he feels bad, but I told him there was no way I couldn't not work weekends. We need that extra money.

Momof1 - posted on 07/30/2010

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I am a stay at home mom, except that I work weekends. And that is pretty much only because on mine and my husband's income we do better this way. Even if I were to work full-time, most of my income would be going towards daycare. I don't see the problem with being a working mom. I thought I was going to be going back full-time, after we got our income taxes back, but it didn't work out. I'm not saying I don't love being home with our son. I do! I love seeing him grow and learn and being the person to teach him things. But I also wish I brought more income to the household so we could live better. I wish I had more income, so that when I want to go get my son's pictures done or to get birthday gifts, I could use my money, and not feel guilty my husband is always paying. And I know most of you will probably say his money is my money too, and I agree with that, but I like to be independent and have my own money. He pays the rent, car insurances, cell phones, groceries, whereas I pay the phone/internet and my credit card bill. To me that isn't fair. Sorry that's a little off track.

If you can stay home, that's great, if you can't, then you do what you have to do to be able to live.

[deleted account]

We are a special case-- I go lobstering by myself and he is a self-employed mechanic so we get to make our own schedules. I guess I have the best of both worlds because in the winter Daddy works and I take care of Vinnie full time and then in the summer I work and he takes care of him. So I would say that I am half and half "SAHM". We dont have to spend the money on a daycare or babysitting cause we watch him. Plus we live in a very small community (an island actually) where daycare is not an option because there is none. Dennis(daddy) is such a good Mr. Mom he is a very hands on father, I am lucky cause most fathers I know wont even change a diaper let alone the "up the back" ones! He does it all! So I guess we are doing what is best for us and thankfully he has at least one of us there fulltime with him, or we are both with him. I do wish that it was switched so I had the summers with him to do all the summertime fun things but there is always days off to catch up. And I definitly do not go to work just cause I cant "Handle It" at home. Lobstering is by no means an easy out for me, it is hard work and believe me I would rather be home making funny faces and kissing boo boos!

Louise - posted on 07/30/2010

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Everybody has a different opinion and to honest everybody has a different circumstance. I am lucky it was my choice whether I stayed at home or went to work. I decided to stay at home until my older children were at school full time and then I went back to work. Now I have a toddler again and I intend to stay at home until she is at school. I feel my babies need me when they are under 5 and making a sacrafice of not going on expensive holidays for a few years because I am not earning is a sacrafice I am willing to make. But saying that my heart goes out to those mums that do not have a choice and have to go back to work. I respect mums that understand there is a fine balance between work and family life it is getting the mix right for them that is the key.

Lisa - posted on 07/29/2010

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true all people are different... It depends on the person if they could or even want to be a stay at home... some people would rather work b/c they can't handle staying @ home, while others can do well in either situation. I respect those who work & bring the paycheck home w/ insurance for the family while I wish to be appreciated & respected for all that I do w/o pay & all my heart. while those who go to a work place r driving back & forth, I have already started laundry, vacuumed, made breakfast, dishes, etc & worked w/ son on getting dressed, brushing teeth, cleaning up.

Lisa - posted on 07/29/2010

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many people don't give SAHM a break. It takes alot of work and patience to stay @ home to take care of your children, the house, and everything that goes in between. SAHM's also have to take alot while doing alot ... it's a 24 hr job we can't just clock out... and we have no paycheck... there is no real job description except to do everything you need to do. I am lucky I have a college degree & it helps that its in an educational field where I can work w/my son. my Husband says I get paid in a way he never could.... in love, hugs, and always being here for our son. But w/ the good days come also the bad... I wish I had some time to myself just doing nothing at all. stay at home mom's or dad's probably never get this.

Bree - posted on 07/29/2010

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I totally understand. I work, but have been able to work out a schedule with my workplace and my husband so our daughter is in daycare 4 days a week instead of 5, and so she isn't in daycare much past 4pm. She is 10 months old now, and she really enjoys her daycare and I have more confidence that she is well taken care of. But I have really struggled not being able to be with her more. I'm hoping to keep working a bit less than full time, but I will need to keep working - we are a two-income family. Also, we very rarely go places without our daughter. Our first night out alone will be this Saturday. I have mixed feelings about it!

[deleted account]

I just think it's a shame that as women we dont suppport each other and each other's choices (or those who dont have a choice) enough. And I wish there was more help available for those whose choices are limited.

[deleted account]

No, I don't think it will ever end, because there are so many factors to take into account. Finance, obviously - some families need 2 incomes for even the basics. I know plenty of women who tried to do what they thought was the "right" thing and stay at home, but they weren't cut out for it, and the whole family was happier when they went back to work. This includes a range of jobs, not necessarily professional careers.

JuLeah - posted on 07/29/2010

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No, the controversy will never end. Not until stay at home parents get the respect they deserve - think of the money you save on day care and such when you stay home ....

In some countries, parents are paid to stay home - their profession is respected - we need to show that level of respect here.

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